Flapping in the Nightmares
by PhantomPhan
Summary: Sequel to "When You Least Expect It". Sometimes it's hard to keep a revenge-crazed cyborg down, as two caped ducks soon find out. Chapter 9 is up. Finally.
1. Belated Birthday

Disclaimer for the entirety of this fic: These characters are not mine, they're Disney's. Each chapter that goes by still won't make them mine, in fact, they'll still be Disney's. I'm not making profit from this; if I were, that would be pretty cool.

NOTE: Continuation of "When You Least Expect It". Should you choose to read this fic, I highly recommend you read "When You Least Expect It" first if you haven't already, for this fic may make little to no sense…but if you have read it, just ignore me. And so it begins…

"Face it Negaslime, your villainy is vanquished!"

Using his supreme strength, the purple-clad mallard dealt his nemesis a crushing blow to the jaw.

"Mommy!" his opponent cried, crumbling to the ground.

Darkwing Duck, crime fighter extraordinaire, loomed above the cowering Negaduck.

"What do you have to say to that?" Darkwing questioned his opposite.

Negaduck flinched, then sputtered, "I…I…I stand no chance against you oh powerful one! With your stark athleticism, you tossed me like a salad!"

"Yes, I know," Darkwing mused, blowing on his nails casually.

A perky duckling appeared out of nowhere and tapped the mallard's shoulder.

"Hey Dad," Gosalyn gushed, offering him a piece of paper, "check out my report card!"

Darkwing's eyes widened.

"Why, Gos, all A pluses!"

"And they named me the youngest valedictorian in the history of the world too. Everyone at school is jealous that they don't have as smart a father as you!"

Darkwing Duck grinned proudly and declared, "I always knew my gargantuan cranial capacity would come in handy."

"Your good looks also come in handy," a tall duckette in a red dress crooned.

Morgana Macabre hugged Darkwing tightly.

"Oh Dark, you're just so handsome!" she shrieked.

Moloculo Macabre approached the crime fighter. The aged mallard said meekly, "Darkwing – Mr. Duck…you're right. You're right about everything. I'm the one's who's wrong. You're right and I'm wrong. You're the right one, I'm the wrong one. How blind I've been…"

"S'ok Mol, I forgive you," Darkwing said graciously.

Darkwing felt a tug on his cape. He turned around to face Negaduck.

"Darkwing, come and see!" the villain squealed, "Come quick!"

Darkwing and company followed Negaduck to the town hall. Every citizen in St. Canard was there, all of them surrounding a huge object hidden beneath a heavy tarp. Several bystanders cried out at the sight of Darkwing, screaming for autographs. Darkwing smiled politely at them as Negaduck pushed through the crowd.

The mayor stood on a pedestal, beaming down at the crime fighter.

"And here he is, the man of the millennium, the greatest hero of all time, the one, the only…Darkwiiiiiiing Duck!"

The crowd cheered as Darkwing stepped up to the microphone.

"Thank you! Thank you all!" he shouted.

"Wait Dad, you haven't even seen the best part!" Gosalyn announced suddenly.

Negaduck, Morgana, and Moloculo gave the tarp a mighty tug. It slid off to reveal a gigantic statue of none other than Darkwing Duck.

The mallard gasped at the beautiful sight.

"I'm honored…" he said in a whisper.

Gosalyn wrapped her arms around his waist and gazed up at him with admiration. She smiled sweetly and bellowed, "WAKE UP!"

"Huh?!"

Drake Mallard's eyes snapped open. He searched wildly for the statue but it was gone – and replaced by his bedroom, his fraying bed, and a crazy redhead bouncing up and down on it. Dang, just a dream.

"Do you know what day it is Pop?!" she asked.

Drake rubbed his eyes wearily and muttered, "One that ends with 'y'?"

"Well DUH but I'm going for specifics here!"

Drake grinned. He knew exactlywhat day it was.

"It wouldn't be someone's _birthday_, would it?" he questioned knowingly.

"Maaaaaaaybe," Gosalyn returned with the same knowing tone.

"Could it be the birthday of a little girl who has reminded me of it every minute of every day for the past three weeks?"

"Maaaaaaaybe, except for the 'little girl' part," the duckling corrected.

"Nope, afraid not, twelve-years-old still makes you my little girl," Drake cooed, switching into lovey-parent-mode within seconds.

He ruffled her hair playfully, but Gosalyn ducked out of the way and leapt off the bed.

"I'm gonna go look for my presents!" she cried as she raced out the door.

Drake's face hardened and he yelled after her, "Don't rip up the floorboards like you did last year! I MEAN IT!"

Drake rolled of bed, avoiding his right arm with ease. It had been bound in a cast for three months now, ever since the epic struggle atop the Gooseman Brothers headquarters. He swelled with pride and relief, taking comfort in the fact that the bull he hated so passionately was gone for good.

He tossed on his maroon robe and plodded down the stairs. Gosalyn busied herself searching the cabinets, while Launchpad McQuack was watching the morning news.

"This…cast…is…so…ITCHY!" Drake whined as he scratched beneath the plaster furiously.

Gosalyn informed him in a calm tone, "You would have gotten it off sooner if you hadn't been so hopped up on crime fighting – crashing the Ratcatcher, falling into that huge pit Moliarty dug, stuffed into a film reel by Tuskernini – "

"That's quite enough Gos, thank you."

Gosalyn brought her sleuthing into the foyer while Drake made himself a cup of precious coffee. Mug in hand, he joined Launchpad in front of the television.

"What shape's St. Canard in?" he asked, taking a swig of java.

"Eh, well…" Lanchpad trailed off as the urbane Tom Lockjaw came onto the screen.

"_And that's how Fluffy the alligator was extricated from St. Canard's water supply…in other news, witnesses testify that the criminal group known as the Fearsome Five, consisting of five convicted felons Bushroot, the Liquidator, Megavolt, Negaduck, and Quackerjack, have robbed George's Gigantic Gems late last night – _" __

"NOT AGAIN!" Drake roared.

"_This robbery continues the Fearsome Five's series of heists in St. Canard, including the First National Bank, Chuck's Chococlate World, and Frieda's Flower Flaunting…_"

Drake frowned, "I can't believe this…the Fearsome Five have _never_ been this efficient before! They're in and they're out before I even have a chance to get there! I swear, it's like Negaduck put them through a supervillain boot camp or something!"

"_Officials believe local menace Darkwing Duck may be the source of the trouble, due to his constant arrival at the scenes of the crimes just as the Fearsome Five escapes or not arriving at all– _"

The mallard clenched his fists.

"WHAT?!" he roared, "How can they even say such a thing? I'm disgusted, disturbed, disgruntled, dis – "

"Calm down DW, you told me yourself to always be calm, cool, and dissected…wait…" Launchpad advised.

"Thanks a million Ghandi. Bah, stupid Fearsome Five – what would Negaduck want with money, chocolates, flowers, and jewelry anyhow? They're so random, where's the connection?"

Launchpad's brow furrowed and he opened his beak to reply but Drake cut him off.

"Well, can't miss my appointment, gotta head to the ol' MD to get my cast off," the mallard said as he made his way upstairs. Within in few moments he was fully dressed and ready to go, and just about out the door when his daughter cut him to the quick.

"In case you forgot Dad, it's my birthday. You're not gonna blow it fighting crime, are you?" Gosalyn asked lowly.

"Of course not sweetie, I'll be right back to celebrate," he assured, giving her a hug.

"Ahh, mushiness attack! RUN!" Gosalyn yelped, extricating herself from his grasp and dashing into the next room.

"But, I thought the appointment was under Darkwing Duck…" Launchpad called.

"Launchpad Launchpad Launchpad…I love being a mysterious hero just as much as the next duck, but us superheroes must keep our feet on the ground," Drake rambled as he waltzed out the door, "enjoy the simple pleasures of civilian life, breath deep the air of suburbanite OOF!"

He walked beak first into a vibrant green shirt. Drake cringed.

"Oh no…"

"Hiya neighbor!" Herb Muddlefoot boomed, "just the guy I wanted ta see!"

_Why_ didn't he just take the chairs?! Stupid stupid stupid…

"Yay."

"I got some perdy distressin' news if ya wanna hear it!"

"Not really…"

"How's that? I couldn't hear ya."

"I said, sure Herb let's hear it."

"Well, the fact a' the matter is…we're moving."

Drake's eyes lit up and he practically shrieked, "Gee-what-a-shame-where-ya-moving-huh?"

"Here ya go Drakeroo, I wrote the address for ya m'self!"

The large duck handed Drake a small slip of paper. Drake held it close to his face, his hands quivered with excitement – and his heart plummeted. No, it couldn't be, it had to be some cruel joke…__

"_535 Avian Way? _Herb, that's, that's, _right next door._"

Herb broke into a fit of guffaws and barely managed to get out, "I KNEW IT WOULD GETCHA! Aw Drake, ya shoulda seen yer face, priceless…yep, we're moving right next to ya – again!"

"But…_why_?!" Drake asked weakly.

"Well, Binkums wanted a bigger house, but ya see we didn't want to leave you, Gos, and Launchpad behind, and seein' as how your other neighbors moved outta _they're_ house, we thought, 'why not?'" Herb informed amiably.

"Yeah…why not…" Drake muttered with a slight quaver in his voice.

"Well, I knew you'd be happy, just thought I'd letcha know!" Herb said, waving as he turned to leave.

Drake marched back into his house, scowling.

Launchpad looked up from the television and began, "Hey Drake, I thought you were – "

"_Not a word,_" Drake hissed, pushing past him and throwing himself upon a blue chair. He punched the statue vehemently and disappeared with a spin.

* * *

"No! No I am not helping the Fearsome Five! And no, Negaduck is NOT my long lost twin brother twice removed!"

Darkwing stormed out of the doctor's office, shooting daggers at the patients in the waiting room.

"Senselessly simple civilians…ah well, at least I got my cast off. Hello right arm, how I've missed you!" Darkwing crooned, ignoring the odd looks of passerby's as he kissed his own arm affectionately.

"Now, time to get home for Gosalyn's birth – "

Suddenly several shrill screams pierced the air. Darkwing whipped around, only to see the hideous Dr. Slug sliming his way up the street. Darkwing groaned and quickened his pace, remembering his promise to his daughter.

"Ha ha! I, Dr. Slug, will torment every citizen in town!" the villain roared.

Darkwing kept walking. He could live with that.

"And then, I shall flatten St. Canard and rule the world!" Dr. Slug continued.

The mallard ground his teeth together. Keep walking, a little global annihilation was nothing to worry about…

"And I'll start by destroying everything that wears the color purple!" the slug finished.

"That does it!" Darkwing bellowed, "Gos won't mind if I save the world real quick, will she?"

With that the crime fighter tore after the evil Dr. Slug.

* * *

Darkwing stuck stood atop a fallen Dr. Slug triumphantly, tossing a salt canister up and down arrogantly.

"Simple salt stops the slug's silly shenanigans!"

A refined film crew pushed their way through the crowd and shoved a microphone under Darkwing's beak.

"Mr. Darkwing, would you accept an interview for St. Canard's evening news?" the reporter asked hurriedly.

"Would I?! I mean, ahem, I guess it isn't too much trouble…" Darkwing began, "wait, did you say _evening_ news?"

The reporter sighed and nodded. The mallard's heart stopped. It was almost evening. He had lost track of time fighting Dr. Slug, and had blown the whole day away, just like he promised not to.

"_Oh no,_" Darkwing whispered, and broke into a run.

"Where are you going?! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" the reporter called after him.

"Interview someone else!" Darkwing called back, then muttered to himself as he ran, "whoa, never thought I'd hear myself say that!"

* * *

Drake Mallard burst through the front door of 537 Avian Way with a loud _BANG!_.

"Got here…fast as I…could…" he wheezed between gulps of air.

Gosalyn, Launchpad, Morgana, and the Muddlefoots were all seated in the living room amidst a few opened gifts. Drake cringed as all eyes turned to him.

"There ya are Drakerooni!" Herb exclaimed.

"We were getting worried!" Binkie added.

"No, nothing to worry about," Drake said, then shifted his gaze over to Morgana and Gosalyn. Morgana gave him a positively venomous glare, but Gosalyn merely glanced at him before turning to Honker. He tried Launchpad. His partner looked from him to Gosalyn uncomfortably, then at Morgana with utmost fear.

"Launchpad you look thirsty," the sorceress said, never taking her eyes off Drake.

The pilot leapt to his feet.

"What a great idea!" Launchpad exclaimed a little too cheerily, "Binkie, Herb, wanna help me uh, get some water?"

Herb answered, "Sure thing, I'm a bit parched m'self!"

"I'll get the ice cubes!" Binkie said excitedly as the three disappeared into the kitchen.

No sooner were they out of earshot when Drake found himself face to face with Morgana.

"_Where _were _you?_" she whispered harshly.

"I was saving the world, I didn't think it would take that long!"

"I knew it! Gos was waiting here all night for you, and you did not even bother to show up!"

"But…Slug! Doctor! Destroying the world! Purple!" Drake sputtered as Morgana eyed him down.

"You could start by apologizing to her," the sorceress suggested in a frustrated voice.

Drake nodded and walked over to Gosalyn. She glanced at him blankly before turning back to Honker.

"Gos, honey? Look, I'm really sorry, it's just that Dr. Slug – "

"I know. You're very busy crime busting, and that comes first."

Drake frowned, noting her icy tone. Hurting Gosalyn was the exact opposite of just about every goal in his life, and now he was destroying everything. It was her twelfth birthday and it was supposed to be special, and what did he go and do? The same thing he did every night – leave her behind.

"It was an accident, I swear, Gosalyn I promise it'll never happen again!"

"You also promised you'd be here for my birthday!" the duckling snapped.

Knowing that this had been a very poor choice of words Drake tried again.

"Gos, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"Make what up?" Gosalyn asked blandly.

"Gosalyn don't – "

Herb and Binkie bustled back into the room.

"Sure is gettin' late isn't it?" Herb pointed out, "I guess it's time to head on home. Hey, hope I don't start goin' to the wrong house, eh Drakester?"

"Uh, right," Drake muttered offhandedly.

Honker barely managed a goodbye as he was ushered out the door. Drake waved at them halfheartedly, and when he turned back to his daughter, she was gone.

* * *

Gosalyn pulled the covers up to her beak and sighed. She could hear Morgana giving her father the what-for downstairs. The redhead frowned. She didn't mean to be so cold, she really hadn't, but then he had deserved it, hadn't he? Didn't Dad understand how important it was to her just for him to be there?

Maybe he had indeed just forgotten, much like the time he had stepped out of the shower and never turned it off. Gosalyn chuckled to herself. Ha, that was funny, the water ran for hours, it was like having her own personal pool inside the house…but wait. Was that all she was to him? Something to be forgotten about, something to let run until she overflowed, and to have him come back with and mop up the mess with a bunch of 'sorry's'?

No, she couldn't be, Dad loved her. He had proved that, on that infamous night atop the Gooseman Brothers building, throwing himself between her and that horrible cyborg.

The duckling felt as though her eyelids weighed a ton. Oh no, she always dreamt about whatever she was pondering before she fell asleep. She didn't want her dreams to be riddled with…with…

Gosalyn's once quiet room became filled with the sound of her snoring.

* * *

Negaduck flinched, then sputtered, "I…I…I stand no chance against you oh powerful one! With your stark athleticism, you tossed me like a salad!"

"Yes, I know," Darkwing mused blowing on his nails casually.

A perky duckling appeared out of nowhere and tapped the mallard's shoulder.

"Hey Dad," Gosalyn gushed, offering him a piece of paper, "check out my report card!"

Darkwing's eyes widened.

"Why, Gos, all A pluses!"

"And they named me the youngest valedictorian in the history of the world too. Everyone at school is jealous that they don't have as smart a father as you!"

Darkwing Duck grinned proudly and opened his beak, but before he could say, "I always knew my gargantuan cranial capacity would come in handy" he heard a raspy, cruel voice shout, "Hey there Drake the dweeb!"

Darkwing glared at Negaduck, who was too busy laughing at him to notice.

"_Drake the dweeb,_ huh? Who'd ever want to go out with you?!" Morgana suddenly announced before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Morgana, wait! Come back!" Darkwing called after her.

"Looks like you're wrong again, foolish normal," Moloculo added before fading away.

Darkwing clutched his beak in horror. What's going on?! Everything was going along just fine before –

A high, terrified scream ripped through the air. Darkwing spun around. Gosalyn was laying on the ground, holding her hands in front of her face, sobbing. Above her stood a familiar bull coated in metal plating, holding his blaster arm to the duckling's head.

Darkwing's eyes widened.

"NO!"

Drake Mallard awoke suddenly, breathing hard. Sweat trickled down his brow; it along with the majority of his pillow was soaked. His room was dark, save for the forlorn steaks of moonlight shining through the window. The air was thick with humidity. Summer must be getting its last kicks in before the appearance of fall.

"Just a dream," Drake breathed to himself, "and a disturbing one at that…gotta learn to lay off the leftover birthday cake."

He was just about to flop back onto his soggy pillow when he heard the sound of creaking footsteps from downstairs. Never one to let bumps in the night go uninvestigated, the mallard tossed on his robe and crept downstairs.

He checked the living room. Nada. Next stop was the kitchen. He felt as though he was pushing the heavy air out of the way as Drake peered in. Gosalyn was standing at the counter, stalk still, her back towards him. Drake sighed.

"Ugh, Gos is sleepwalking. Again."

He took a step forward, and he heard Gosalyn mutter in a strangely low, chilling voice, "Hello, Darkwing."

Drake raised an eyebrow at her, confusion beginning to settle in. It was just then that he noticed the silverware drawer was wide open, and several utensils lay scattered on the floor.

"Uh, hi Gosalyn, um, time to hit the hay…"

The duckling whipped around. Her head was bent low, and in her small hand she gripped a long knife tightly. The tip glinted menacingly in the moonlight.

"G_oo_salyn isn't here right now," Gosalyn said in the same unusual voice.

"That's it, I'm never letting you watch _The Ducksorcist_ again!" Drake growled, then faltered, "wait just a darned minute…'G_oo_salyn'?"

Gosalyn picked up her head and looked him straight in the eye. Her usually vibrant green eyes seemed glossed over and unfocused, as if she hadn't sleep in days. What bothered Drake most, however, was the tip of the knife that she was pressing lightly into her palm. Her feathers bent under the pressure, on the verge of breaking the skin.

Gosalyn opened her beak, and the voice that came out was not only hers, but a voice echoing with a deep, heavily accented one.

"Why do you not let Darkwing come out and play Daddy? He I would have a GREAT TIME!"

"If-if t-this is about missing your b-birthday – "

Drake watched as his daughter raised the knife. Before he knew what he was doing he shouted, "GOSALYN MALLARD KNOCK IT OFF!"

The knife clattered on the kitchen tile. Gosalyn blinked several times, her emerald eyes coming back into focus.

"Wha-what? What's going on? Am I sleepwalking? Again?" Gosalyn stuttered bewilderedly.

The mallard let out a sigh of relief, walking over to her and engulfing her in a hug.

"Yeah Gos, just sleepwalking."

"Well, if I was 'just sleepwalking', why the heck are you squeezing the air outta me?" Gosalyn asked, her voice muffled by her father's robe.

Launchpad appeared in the doorway, managing to look both alert and sleepy at the same time.

"What's going on in here? Where's the fire?"

Drake and Gosalyn glanced at each other and announced simultaneously, "Sleepwalking."

"Oh, that explains it…but what's with all the silverware?"

"Sleepwalking."

"Oh."

"All right people, nothing to see here, move along," Drake commanded in mock authority as he herded the two redheads up the stairs.

After saying his goodnights and tucking his daughter in, Drake Mallard tossed himself into bed. After one of the most hectic days as of late, he was more than ready for some shuteye. Before he drifted off into dreamland, he couldn't help but think that Gosalyn's strange vocal ensemble sounded a lot like a certain cyborg. A certain cyborg with a grudge.

To be continued…haha I couldn't help myself.


	2. Enter the Felons Stage Right

Isclaimerday: Esethay aracterschay areway otnay inemay, eythay elongbay otay Isneyday.

BIG thanks for everyone's reviews, they were great!

Drake Mallard dragged himself downstairs with a yawn, knowing full well that 2:38 pm was _way _too early to greet the world.

"Good morn – er, afternoon Drake!" Launchpad called brightly from the kitchen.

"Hi LP…where's Gosalyn?"

"In the living room, reading."

"Ha, good one LP, Gosalyn's 'reading'," Drake scoffed, and turned into the living room to see Gosalyn with a large book in her lap, "GOSALYN'S READING?!"

His daughter looked up from the leather-bound tome with annoyance as Drake rushed to her side and began feeling her forehead.

"I _knew _there was something wrong with you last night – do you have a fever? It's these paternal instincts ya know, I just get this feeling when there's something wrong – are you sure you don't have a fever? Omigosh Gos you feel warm, I'll call an ambulance – "

"DAD! CHILL! There's nothing wrong with me, I don't have a fever and – _Dad put down the phone_, I don't need an ambulance!" Gosalyn roared.

Drake tossed the phone back into the receiver, eyeing her suspiciously as he asked, "I dunno Gos…what exactly are you reading?"

"It's my birthday present from Morgana," Gosalyn informed simply.

"Yeah Drake, it's really neat, it's got all these weird monsters in it –kinda like our basement!" Launchpad pointed out.

Drake snatched the book from Gosalyn's hands, producing an indignant "hey!" from her. He studied the cover.

"_Vicious Transylvanian Beasts and the Horrible Things They Can Do to You and Your Family_," the mallard read aloud, scowling, "sounds like a real Pulitzer…"

__Gosalyn grabbed it back from him and began flipping through the yellowed pages as she gushed excitedly, "It's so cool…here…lemme show you my favorite…"

She shoved the book into Drake's face.

"There! Take a look at him!"

The mallard examined the black and white drawing of what appeared to be a huge, wolfish creature. It sported a thick snout with several large, sharp-looking teeth which he was currently sinking into a random Transylvanian.

"Lovely," Drake commented sarcastically.

"I know, isn't he? The call him the 'Throat-Bloodier'!" Gosalyn said.

"Right…I just hope these kind of mind-warping gift ideas don't turn into a trend for Morgana," Drake muttered.

Launchpad added in, "Well, she _is _getting Gos to read DW."

"Yeah, and she also _remembered_ to come to my birthday to give it to me," Gosalyn said bitterly.

Drake cringed inwardly. For a few moments there he had held the brief hope that last night's little fiasco had blown over. Apparently, however, it was still fresh in his daughter's mind.

"Gos, listen to me, _I'm sorry,_ it won't happen again, not with my stellar memory_ – _"

_THUNK!_

"What was that?!" Launchpad cried.

"That, LP, would be the sound of _The St. Canard Tribune_ hitting the front door," Drake said astutely.

"Gee, the paperboy seems a little upset."

"Well, he uh, kinda is, a little, you see I sorta forgot to pay him last month, heh heh…" Drake chuckled sheepishly.

"Another example of your 'stellar memory'?" Gosalyn asked pointedly.

The mallard narrowed his eyes at her and went for the newspaper. He threw himself onto the sofa, flipping to the horoscopes.

"Okay, let's see what's on tap for me today…"

"You're looking at the horoscopes? But I thought that you thought that everything has to do with logic and reasoning," Launchpad said, scratching his head skeptically.

"And that's where you're wrong LP. Any self-respecting superhero knows that you've got to let fate play a hand too…hmm, ah, here's my horoscope! '_Your pompousness shall be your downfall today_'," Drake read, "hey, what kind of stupid horoscope is that! You see LP, THAT'S why I attribute everything to logic and reasoning!"

Launchpad shrugged as Drake began studying the various headlines.

"What other tripe do I need to know about… '_Squirrel Overpopulation May Lead to End of Mankind_'…not likely… '_Mutants Attack Hamburger Hippo_'…pah, tell me something I don't know…hey what's this? '_Late Night Wave of Patients Plagues St. Canard Hospital…an unusually high acceptance of patients admitted to St. Canard Hospital occurred late last night, more than 90 percent referred to mental health clinics…many patients complained of hallucinations and severe sleepwalking that in most cases led to violent or irrational behavior…_gee, that's odd."

"And to think, Gos was sleepwalking last night too!" Launchpad exclaimed.

"I was?" the duckling asked.

Lanchpad nodded and continued, "Yeah, you probably don't remember it…but what a coincidence!"

"Yeah…coincidence…" Drake muttered lowly.

* * *

"Hey DW, I thought you told Gos we were going crime fighting…what are we doing at the St. Canard Mall?"

Drake pulled into the parking lot, scouting for an elusive space.

"I only told Gosalyn that we were going crime fighting to make her _think_ that we were going crime fighting, because we're not going crime fighting at all!"

"Well, that makes sense," Launchpad commented.

"So while she's thinking I'm heroically bringing crooks to their knees, I'm _really _making up for her birthday."

"Gee DW, I'm impressed…you're going to the mall on a Saturday night!" the pilot said.

"I've got to. Pulling Gos outta this rut is going to take extreme measures,"

"What kind of measures?"

"The 'buy something really expensive' kind," Drake answered, "AHA! A parking space!"

He was just about to pull in when a red coup swerved in front of him and into his spot. Drake jammed on the brakes and pounded the horn.

"Hey! What the heck do ya think yer doin'!" he roared indignantly.

An old lady with a puffy gray hairdo stuck her fist out of the coup and shook it at him angrily.

"This looks like it's gonna be a looooong night," Launchpad mumbled to himself while Drake fumed.

* * *

"Dumb old lady and her dumb car, had to park up in the next dumb block," Drake seethed as he and Launchpad strode into J. C. Nickel's department store.

"What are we doing in the lady's section Drake?" his partner asked, eyeing the various jewelry and apparel.

"Thanks to little Miss Road Rage, we're on the other side of the mall. This is just a very inconvenient shortcut."

As they walked past a counter, the heavy scent of several perfumes mingling permeated the air. Drake sniffed and asked Launchpad casually, "Do you think Morgana would be into this kinda stuff?"

"Um, I dunno, I think she sorta has her own blend," the pilot answered with a shudder, ruing the day he asked Morgana what smelled like blood.

"Yeah, guess you're right, doesn't really seem like her thing," Drake mused, then gazed about the store, "Look around you LP…enjoy the life of a common city dweller, us vigilante types don't get the pleasure that often…a young'n with his lollipop…a man taking a drink of water…Megavolt holding those people at gunpoint…that women looking – Megavolt holding those people at gunpoint? GASP! Megavolt's holding those people at gunpoint!"

Across the room, Megavolt held his electrogun level with a man's eyes.

"Hello everyone, my name is Megavolt and I'll be your tour guide for today," the rodent said in a friendly voice, "directly in front of you, you may see my electrogun, loaded with over ten thousand deadly volts of electricity. To your right is my good friend Quackerjack, say 'hi Quackerjack'!"

"Hi Quackerjack," the crowd murmured timidly.

"Hiya crowd of horrified victims!" the jester shouted amiably with an exaggerated wave.

Megavolt continued, "Let's move on with our tour…now if you will all just kindly move to the center of the room – quit shoving! That's it…now just move to the center of the room, get down on your knees and put your hands above your head…there you go!"

Drake's eyes widened.

"It's _Megavolt_ and _Quackerjack!_ Ooooh boy! Now I'll finally get my hands on those two felonious freaks!"

Megavolt smirked proudly as Quackerjack literally bounced over to him.

"Good going Mr. Volt, onto stage two?"

"Why thank you Mr. Jack, and I agree – STAGE TWO BUSHY!"

"Bushy!" Drake whispered, "That must mean – "

If the customers scrambling to the exit were scared then, they were terrified when the potted plants located next to the doors leapt out of their containers. Their vines spread at an alarming rate, creating a leafy net over the only nearby exit. Several people tried to claw their way through, only to find themselves hanging by their ankles courtesy of Bushroot and his plants.

"I'm sorry everybody!" the plant-duck apologized as he grew extra arms in order to snatch up the fugitives and hand them to the potted flora, "I really am! I'm not really like this…I'm only doing this because I have to…I'm sorry miss…hold still, I don't want to drop you…sorry! Sorry! Okay, I got everybody, um, s-stage three!"

Drake searched the room wildly as he hissed, "Stage three has to be that soggy saboteur – "

No sooner had security guards rushed onto the scene when the water fountain suddenly exploded, gushing gallons upon gallons of water in its wake. A watery dog emerged and streaked across the room.

"Need some excitement in your life? Then hang ten on Liquidator's Wet'n Wild Ride!" the Liquidator bellowed as he swept up the security guards in his path.

While mall security screamed in fright, Drake Mallard screamed in delight.

"AAAAALLLL RIGHT! I can finally whomp the Fearsome Five, and they won't even know what hit 'em! C'mon LP, let's get danger – LP?"

"Up here DW!"

Drake looked up, only to see his sidekick hanging upside down by one of Bushroot's potted plants.

"I'm uh, a little _hung up_ at the moment," the pilot quipped.

Drake continued without missing a beat, "Fine, you get yourself and the other customers down, and then get the Ratcatcher! I'll handle these belligerent buffoons!"

The mallard dashed through the mayhem, eyes darting about madly.

"Gotta find a broom closet, a telephone booth, anything – OOMPH!"

Drake staggered backwards, little fedoras dancing around his eyes. He shook his head and looked to see whom he had run into. To his displeasure, he had run into a rat in a yellow jumpsuit.

"Oh, sorry Drake Mallard," Megavolt apologized casually.

Drake's jaw dropped. Megavolt – how on earth did he remember his name?! Judging by the open-mouthed expression on the villain's face, he was wondering the same thing.

Quackerjack came up behind Megavolt, a bag of loot in hand.

"You know this guy?" he asked Megavolt.

"Yeah…but…I just…can't remember…how!"

Quackerjack turned to Drake, "That _is_ your name, right?"

Not knowing if he should chance letting his old schoolmate hear his voice, God forbid he get a clue, the mallard just flapped his beak silently.

"Talkative thing, aren't ya?" Quackerjack said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow in Drake's direction.

Bushroot and Liquidator had joined them, and Bushroot asked suspiciously, "Hey, I think I know this guy from somewhere…"

Drake's stomach did a flip-flop.

"Weren't you a presenter at the VMA's? You know, the Villain Malevolence Awards?" Bushroot asked.

Desperate to get them off his back, Drake nodded fervently.

"Yup! That's how I know him!" Megavolt exclaimed.

"That's not true, Drew!" Mr. Banana Brain said.

"Yeah, you were at the hospital that night Megs. I stuck that battery up your nose remember?" Quackerjack pointed out.

"Oh yeah…" Megavolt said bitterly as electricity began to crackle at his fingertips.

"Okay, how do you know this guy?" Quackerjack demanded.

"Why do you even care?" Megavolt asked.

"Because! It's gonna bug me the rest of the night now, you know like one of those things where someone asks you a question and you know the answer but you don't, and just keep thinking and thinking and thinking – "

"WHAT ARE YOU CROUTONS STANDING AROUND FOR?!" a low voice barked.

Drake and the rest of the Fearsome Four jumped involuntarily, but the mallard quickly composed himself. He knew that voice all too well, and though he had been expecting it, it did not make its arrival any sweeter.

Negaduck stepped between Megavolt and Quackerjack, roughly shoving the villains aside. He was just about to spout out another crude comment when he caught sight of Drake.

Their eyes locked, and neither of them moved. For the strangest split-second Negaduck thought he was gazing into a mirror and had forgotten to wear his mask. No…it couldn't be, he'd never be caught dead in that green sweater vest. Then it hit him. He knew who he was gaping at.

The Fearsome Four looked from Negaduck to Drake awkwardly, wondering why neither of the two ducks dared to twitch a feather. Finally, Negaduck's beak warped into a sadistic smile, while Drake ground his teeth.

"Please tell me I'm not crazy and you know this guy too!" Megavolt implored.

"You _are _crazy Sparky, but I do know this guy…" Negaduck murmured.

Drake's fists clenched and he glowered at his opposite with growing hatred. He was trapped, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Haven't seen you in awhile," Negaduck whispered to Drake evilly.

"Pleasure's all mine," Drake hissed.

"Whatcha gonna do with him, Tim?" Mr. Banana Brain asked.

Negaduck eyed Drake like a cat deciding what to do with a cornered mouse. The villain glanced at his cohorts. He could give away his mirror image right now, ruin him for life…but what if, dare he say it, the Fearsome Four put two and two together…

The black-masked mallard straightened up and clasped his hands behind his back in a business-like manner.

"Now listen to me, I am going to give these instructions to you in a very explicit and simple manner in order for you not to screw things up like usual. Nod if you understand."

The Fearsome Four frowned but nodded.

"You are not to let this duck – " Negaduck pointed to Drake, "out of your sight. Do you hear me? No matter what happens, I don't care about the other people, I don't care if someone starts shooting at you, I don't care if it starts raining fire and brimstone, you will _not_ let this guy leave your sight. Nod if you understand."

The Fearsome Four nodded.

"If I find that he escapes, I'll exenterate you. Nod if you understand."

The Fearsome Four paled but nodded.

"Excellent," Negaduck said pleasantly, then leaned in towards Drake, eye to identical eye, "wouldn't want to end our winning streak, would we?"

Negaduck sauntered off, laughing maniacally. Drake growled and stuck his tongue out in the villain's direction. He had to think of something; Drake Mallard couldn't do anything in this situation, but a certain masked defender of justice might.

"What the heck is this guy so important for? He's ruining our whole process!" Bushroot whined.

"Yeah, Negaduck kept telling us 'follow the process or die!' and now look what's he's doing…stupid supervillain boot camp…" Megavolt grumbled.

Drake blinked but remained silent.

"But consumers want to know – what exactly does the captain of crime _need _with all this stuff anyway?" Liquidator gurgled.

"Who knows, he's probably stocking up on his signature scent," Quackerjack said with a snigger, glancing at Negaduck standing by the perfume counter.

Drake's mind reeled as the group chatted, trying desperately to come up with means for an escape. He caught sight of the restrooms on the opposite side of the room, if he could just slip into a stall…

Drake cleared his throat, and in his best falsetto announced, "Um, 'scuse me fellas, but I really gotta make a pit stop, I don't know how much longer I can wait, so could I, just, ya know…"

The Fearsome Four gave him a series of disgusted glances.

"I don't think Negaduck would be too pleased if this guy took a sh – "

"Just go!" Bushroot said to Drake, cutting Quackerjack off hurriedly.

"Yeah, don't hurt yourself," Megavolt added, slightly repulsed.

Drake squeaked out a small, "Thank you!" before breaking into a run. Thank his lucky stars! They fell for it! Ha, Darkwing Duck, master of deception!

"Wait a second!" Liquidator shouted suddenly.

Drake stopped in mid-sprint, his triumphant smile melted immediately. Drat.

"You have to promise you'll come right back to being our terrified captive when you're done!" Megavolt called, the rest of the four shaking their heads in agreement.

His happiness swelled up again and Drake yelled back, "I promise!"

The mallard dashed over to the restrooms with a large grin. He had to hurry though, he had wasted enough time already. Without looking where he was headed he made a turn for the door and –

_SWACK!_

Drake barely got a glimpse of the alligator-skin purse before it slammed into his beak.

"That'll teach you ruffians not to go in the lady's room!" the old lady with the puffy hairdo barked.

"Sorry m'am…won't happen again…" Drake spurted in a daze before staggering into the men's room.

* * *

"Okay pal," Negaduck said, leaning casually on the counter, "what would you recommend?"

The quaking perfume salesman sputtered, "W-well, it all depends on you t-t-tastes…w-which have y-you used previously?"

Negaduck rolled his eyes and barked, "Just give the most expensive ones and get this crap over with before I lose my good mood."

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

"GOOD MOOD GONE!" Negaduck roared as he whirled to face the captive-less Fearsome Four. They reminded him of four ugly deer caught in the headlights.

"I am the tourist who feeds the seagulls! I, am Darkwing Duck!"

As the blue smoke cleared, Negaduck drawled, "Tourist? Seagulls? That's lame."

"Lame? I wouldn't talk if I were you Negs, I'm not the one stealing perfume," Darkwing fired back.

Darkwing strode over to him and brandished his gas gun. With a smug grin he said, "Thought ya had me back there, huh?"

"You're just lucky those idiots are about as smart as a bag of hammers," Negaduck seethed.

"Well at least we've learned a valuable lesson today Negadunce: the Fearsome Four really _are_ as dumb as they look. So are you for that matter, but that goes without saying."

"I'd rather be dumb than blind."

"Huh?"

Before Darkwing could react Negaduck squirted a heavy dose of perfume into his eyes from point blank range. The crime fighter cried out in pain, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing them fiercely.

"That was a cheap shot you cheap-shooting chump!" Darkwing managed to get out.

"And I feel awful about it," Negaduck mumbled sarcastically. He scanned the label of the perfume bottle and a sly grin worked its way onto his beak.

"Look on the bright side Dirtwing, says right here you're going to smell like a refreshing sea breeze all day – oh wait, that's right, you can't _look_ anywhere!"

Still wiping his eyes Darkwing snapped, "_Funny._"

Negaduck threw the bottle at Darkwing's feet with a small tinkle of breaking glass. After tossing his sack of stolen perfume over his shoulder he rushed towards the escalators.

Darkwing Duck blinked the last bit of stinging pain from his eyes.

"Come back you coward! Your little head start won't get you anywhere!"

The mallard stepped forward, only to slip dramatically on the spilled perfume, have his feet shoot out from under him and then land flat on his back, all with no class whatsoever.

"Okay, now that his head start isn't so little anymore…"

* * *

His webbed feet pounded the stairs of the escalator, fueled by his determination not to get caught by his purple-sporting double. The Fearsome Four chugged behind Negaduck, fueled by their determination to get back into his good graces.

Halfway up the moving stairs Negaduck came to a halt. The old lady with the puffy hairdo was riding the escalator calmly, blocking his path. Try as he might the mallard could not get around her. Exasperated, Negaduck cried, "C'mon Grandma! Get a move on!"

_SWACK!_

The old lady gave Negaduck a hefty blow to the side of his head via her alligator-skinned purse.

"No, I don't care that Jimmy cracks corn…" he mused dreamily.

"Wow! She really clocked him!" Quackerjack cried somewhat nervously.

When they reached the second floor the old lady snapped, "That'll teach you ruffians some manners!" and marched off in the opposite direction.

Negaduck stumbled about with a dazed grin on his face while the Fearsome Four lead him to the exit.

"How _do _you crack corn anyhow?" he asked Megavolt.

"Um, I dunno, ask Jimmy," the rat answered.

* * *

_Pelican's Island_ blared on the television. A great episode in fact. The Skipper came _this _close to getting off the island. However, Gosalyn wasn't paying attention, but was instead lounging on the blue couch completely immersed in her book.

Before the Skipper could say "little buddy" he was cut off and replaced by Tom Lockjaw.

"_We interrupt your program for this special news bulletin…_"

"Hey I was watching that," Gosalyn murmured automatically, not tearing her eyes from the book.

"_The Fearsome Five have been spotted at J. C. Nickel's department store, deterring the efforts of security officials and apparently making local society hazard Darkwing Duck cry…_"

"What?! Gosayln shouted as she looked up at the TV, only to see footage of Negaduck running away with a bag and Darkwing rubbing his eyes ardently.

"_Will the Fearsome Five's reign of terror end? Will Darkwing Duck ever stop crying? Will – _"

Gosalyn clicked off the television and threw the remote to the floor.

"Figures," she spat, "by the way he was talking before I actually thought Dad was up to something special for me. But n_ooooooooo_, he's got to go _crime fighting_…again!"

Muttering angrily to herself, Gosalyn went back to her reading.

"The Throat-Bloodier is said to possess unnatural strength and speed, coupled with a vicious personality. Its only instinct is to kill – keen gear! – its only instinct is to kill, and when the Throat-Bloodier decides to do so, his eyes glow a ghastly green– "

"_G_oo_salyn…_"

"Who said that?!" Gosalyn cried, leaping off the couch.

"_G_oo_salyn…_"

"Be warned – I know every zombie-slaying move on the planet, I'm deadly!" she yelled.

The duckling looked left and right frantically. She could have sworn she was home alone…but wait, was the voice even coming from the house to begin with? If anything, it sounded as if it was in her own head…

"_Go to sleep, G_oo_salyn…_"

Suddenly Gosalyn felt as though she had stayed up for three days straight. Her head felt heavy, and her eyelids began to droop.

"_Go to sleep…_"

"Good idea," she mumbled groggily, then collapsed on the couch, asleep before she hit the cushions.

* * *

"Face it guys. We're lost," Bushroot said with a defeated sigh.

"I TOLD YOU this was the wrong dark alley! This is all your fault!" Quackerjack screamed.

"My fault?! It's YOUR fault for trusting me to remember it to begin with!" Megavolt screamed back.

"Tired of searching for where you parked the getaway vehicle? Then find it, _before_ Negaduck gets back to normal!" Liquidator bellowed.

With that, Negaduck shook his head roughly and came back to his senses.

"What the… what're we doing here?"

"It was his fault!" Megavolt and Quackerjack shouted simultaneously, both pointing an accusing finger at the other.

Negaduck's eyes widened and his blood pressure soared as he shrieked, "This isn't the right dark alley…we were parked in the other…the other…YOU KNOBS! YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE YOU PARKED THE CAR! YOU'RE PATHETIC!"

The Fearsome Four shrunk back, trying to look as small as possible. Negaduck shook his head and swore profusely before marching down the alley.

"C'mon you idiots, we're parked two alleys up – "

The mallard was cut short by a low, growling noise. His brow furrowed, and he looked around, squinting.

"What the hell? Did you guys hear that?"

The Fearsome Four nodded, looking the picture of petrified. The growl sounded again, but this time Negaduck rolled his eyes.

"Forget it, it's probably just a stupid cat or something."

Before he could take another step, a large, wolfish creature practically melted out of the shadow. He moved silently, eyelevel with Negaduck.

"Oooo la la…that's one _big _cat…" Quackerjack observed.

Negaduck gulped as the creature's eyes began to glow an eerie green.

The End. Just kidding.


	3. Life in the Fast Lane

Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. There, I said it.

The reviews seriously rock folks, I extend my eternal gratitude.

"Nice doggie…nice, enormous, angry-looking doggie…"

The huge beast crept closer to Negaduck, saliva pouring from its jaws like a leaky faucet. The sick green glow of its eyes was all but natural, and neither was the rumbling growl it produced.

"I hate dumb animals, especially dogs," Negaduck snapped as the wolf dog began sniffing him.

Liquidator narrowed his eyes at him but Bushroot shouted suddenly, "Quit it you guys, that's mean!"

For a second Negaduck pulled his gaze from the animal. Quackerjack was making a shadow puppet of a dog on the side of the building, the light courtesy of Megavolt.

"_Quit it you guys, that's mean!_" Megavolt mimicked with a snicker.

"We had you shaking in your non-existent boots seeds-for-brains! Nah nah we scared you! Nah nah we scared you!" Quackerjack continued to taunt.

Negaduck stared at them completely at a loss. A huge, otherworldly creature was standing right before them, and they were scared of shadow puppets?

"You blockheads, what about this dog?!" he said tightly.

The Fearsome Four looked at him quizzically.

Finally Megavolt asked, "Um…what dog?"

The masked mallard's jaw dropped.

"This huge one right in front of me! Quackerjack, you saw it!"

"No no no, I was talking about Mr. Shadow Puppet!" the jester stuttered.

"But, the growls – "

"That was me, Lee!" Mr. Banana Brain informed.

Negaduck stared at the creature. He could see the individual strands of wiry fur, the muscles writhing beneath the skin, all of which as clear to him as black and white.

"Wow, we even had you going Negaduck! We should take this shadow puppetry deal on the road Quacky!" Megavolt said in awe.

Without warning, the wolf dog reared back and lunged for Negaduck, who barely managed to duck out of the way. He heard the creature's jaws snap shut above his head. Okay, visual confirmation or not, a set of fangs going for his throat was about all the convincing he needed.

With a terrified yelp Negaduck turned tail and fled to the Fearsome Four in what he considered a dignified retreat.

"B-Boss, you must be seeing things!" Bushroot exclaimed.

"Am I? Really?" Negaduck asked sarcastically, his voice edgy with hysteria.

The hound unleashed a high-pitched howl that rocked through the night air, giving him chills. It locked its green eyes on Negaduck and sprang forward.

"Don't just stand here, do something! Megavolt, fry that Fido!" Negaduck commanded.

Megavolt glanced at the rest of the Fearsome Four, searching for assurance that he would never find.

"Negaduck, I don't see any Fido to fry…"

"What are you talking about?!"

"Well, maybe his molecular structure was designed specifically for your retina! Or maybe your cerebrum has structured a fictitious apparition! OR BOTH!" the rat gushed.

"Save it spark-breath, if I wanted a science lesson I would've asked for one!" Negaduck said as the dog edged closer, "Liquidator! Give this mutt a flea bath!"

"When it comes to sanity, a little dab'll do ya! Honestly Negaduck, I don't see anything!" Liquidator boomed.

"ARE ALL OF YOU BLIND?!"

"Negaduck, what are you – "

"Okaaaaaaaay…looks like we'll have to resort to plan B," Negaduck said in a calm voice.

"And what, pray tell, would 'plan B' be?" Quackerjack asked.

"Run like the wind!" Negaduck yelled, taking off like jet plane.

"Huh?" the Fearsome Four blurted, but dashed after him nonetheless.

Negaduck tore down the alley with as much speed as he could muster. He chanced a glance over his shoulder and was glad to see his cohorts behind him. The dog would have to go through them first, if he was lucky it might pick off Bushroot or another one before it could get to him.

Quite the contrary. The wolf dog ran at an incredible pace, catching up to them easily. Strangely, it was practically running alongside Megavolt, but it paid him no mind. It focused only on Negaduck.

"Great…its only…got green, glowing eyes…for me!" Negaduck gasped as he ran.

He turned the corner. To his extreme relief, there sat Megavolt's jazzed up car, the awaiting getaway vehicle.

"Get in!" the mallard commanded.

The wolf dog lunged. Negaduck hardly noticed it in time, and instinctively dove to the ground. The creature soared over top of him, landing a good couple of feet away.

Negaduck pushed himself to his feet. Bushroot, Liquidator, and Quackerjack were busy jamming themselves into the backseat while Megavolt was revving up the engine.

"I have a newfound sympathy for sardines," Bushroot grumbled, sandwiched between Liquidator and Quackerjack.

Negaduck growled at Megavolt, "Who died and made you the driver?!"

"It's my car, I have the keys, I fixed it up, I pay the insurance, I – "

"Okay! I get it!" Negaduck said as he loaded himself into the passenger seat.

"Hey, how comes Negaduck gets to ride shotgun?" Quackerjack asked indignantly.

"Why DO YOU think clown face?!" Negaduck roared back.

Quackerjack opened his beak to reply but Negaduck never heard him, for a loud _SLAM!_ cut him off. Angry growls sounded as the wolf dog clawed at the passenger-side door.

"_Booooy_ am I going to send a scathing letter to the city pound…" Negaduck mumbled.

Suddenly the mallard heard what sounded remarkably like strong jaws chewing through metal. Negaduck turned to Megavolt quickly.

"Drive!"

"Okay okay!" Megavolt said hurriedly, "Is everyone wearing their seatbelts?"

"I SAID DRIVE!"

Negaduck reached over and brought his webbed foot down heavily on the gas pedal. Everyone's skulls thunked against their headrests as the car sped out of the alley.

Megavolt turned the wheel madly and narrowly avoided oncoming cars as he swerved into the street. The tires squealed and the horns blared.

"Sunday driver!" a random motorist bellowed.

"Quiet!" Megvolt yelled back as he weaved in and out of traffic, leaving law-abiding citizens in the dust.

"Are we there yet?" Quackerjack moaned from the backseat.

Negaduck ignored him and said, "I think we lost the fleabag…heh heh, scot free!"

Before he could get another word out the black-masked mallard heard the roar of a familiar engine. He looked over the back of the seat, then proceeded to slam his fist. Darkwing Duck, Launchpad, and the Ratcatcher were coming up behind them. Fast.

"Talk about out of the frying pan…" Liquidator gurgled.

"Dammit!" Negaduck cursed, "C'mon Sparky, pedal to the medal!"

"This is as fast as she goes!" Megavolt returned.

"Well then at least you and your wheels have something in common: you're both slow," Negaduck quipped, then looked back at Darkwing. There was no chance that Megavolt's clunky old car could outstrip the Ratcatcher. And if that dog decided to come back…

Negaduck suddenly got the vivid image of his head being gnawed on while Darkwing was busy writing out an arrest warrant. The mallard shuddered. Time to take drastic measures.

Sprawling himself across the two front seats, Negaduck grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it left.

"What are you doing?!" Megavolt screeched.

"Taking a detour!" Negaduck answered gruffly.

The turn was so sharp it threw Liquidator, Quackerjack, and Bushroot against the side of the car. They cut across the adjacent lane, barely squeaking past traffic and finally busting through a chain link fence.

Negaduck plopped back into his seat.

"_Now_ we'll lose him!"

"But…but…WE'RE DRIVING THROUGH THE CITY PARK!" Megavolt exclaimed as he bowled over various bushes and park benches.

Bushroot's eyes widened with utter horror.

"You can't do this! It's the park, the only s-sanctuary for saplings in a c-concrete jungle!"

Darkwing watched as the Fearsome Five's vehicle burst into the city's home for Mother Nature.

"What the heck are they doing? Are they nuts?! _That_ was a stupid question…" he murmured, "Okay LP! You take the sidecar around to the other side of the park! I'll chase these hooligans right to you and we'll corner 'em! Got it?"

"Righty-o DW!" Launchpad yelled.

Darkwing reached for the detachment lever and shouted, "Okay then, let's divide!"

"I'm no good at math," Launchpad informed.

With a roll of his eyes Darkwing pulled the lever, releasing the sidecar. Launchpad drove off in the other direction for the opposite park entrance. Darkwing turned into the park via the Fearsome Five's makeshift entrance. He caught sight of Megavolt's car and sped up after them.

Negaduck noticed the headlights of the Ratcatcher gleaming in the rearview mirror.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to pump some lead into that do-gooder," he sighed, then leaned out the window and faced Darkwing.

"Ready to throw in the towel Negaducky?" the crime fighter shouted.

"Hardly!" came Negaduck's reply. He pulled out a rather large gun from under his cape and began firing rounds at his opposite. Darkwing yelped in surprise and veered out of they way. Negaduck grinned.

"HA! That oughta teach that wimp to – AAAGGGHHH!"

The wolf dog appeared seemingly out of nowhere and leapt for Negaduck's throat. The villain threw himself back into the car before the creature flew past with a loud growl.

"Okay, evasive action! Now!" he ordered to Megavolt while hastily rolling up his window.

The rat dodged a few water fountains and drove onto the grass. Suddenly he hit a large bump that sent the unbuckled Negaduck straight out of his seat. He thumped his head painfully on the ceiling before landing back down in a heap.

"I told you to wear you seatbelt!"

Negaduck rubbed his head and glared at Megavolt menacingly.

"Liquidator's bothering me!" Quackerjack whined.

"Am not!" Liquidator fired back.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Do I have to pull this car over?!" Megavolt warned sternly.

Negaduck ground his teeth and hissed, "If you pull this thing over I'll – "

Before the mallard could finish the hound landed on the car's front hood. The vehicle shook violently and the metal crunched under its weight. It took all of one second before –

"AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!"

Negaduck screamed, causing the rest of the Fearsome Five to scream in a classic case of cause and effect. The creature only snarled then broke through the windshield, spraying glass everywhere.

Its paws hit Negaduck square in the chest and flattened him against his seat. Any doubts of the animal's validity were quickly erased as a set of glistening jaws snapped at his head. He flailed wildly, causing his cape to wrap itself around Megavolt's head.

"I can't see where I'm going!" Megavolt exclaimed desperately as the car swerved to and fro.

Darkwing had since continued his pursuit of the villains. He could hear Negaduck's terrified screams above the whir of the Ratcatcher's engine.

"HA!" he chuckled, "listen to 'em caterwaul! The menacing mallard of morality Darkwing Duck has got them crying for mercy!"

The wolf dog tore at Negaduck viciously, shredding his yellow jacket to ribbons. He could barely squirm away from its continual attempts to bite him.

"Okay everybody – just sit there – while I'm being – MAULED!" Negaduck managed.

"Mauled by _what?_" Quackerjack asked, exasperated, "You're just flopping around on your seat like a fish!"

"Get your eyes checked, I'm being attacked!" Negaduck screamed.

Liquidator, Quackerjack, and Bushroot exchanged disturbed looks. Megavolt rolled his eyes.

"Well tell your invisible friend to attack someone else, I don't want him screwing up my paint job," he said irritably.

Negaduck, noticing a shred of hope, cried, "Yeah, attack someone else, go get Darkwing Dupe – "

Suddenly the creature ceased its attacking and looked out the back window at Darkwing. In a flash it jumped out of the car and into the street.

"What in the blazes…" Darkwing Duck murmured as he watched a huge animal practically materialize out of the getaway vehicle. Without warning, it lunged straight at him, its jaws open wide. Darkwing didn't even have time to scream or hit the brakes. All he could do was watch in horror as it thundered towards him…

* * *

Morgana floated into the Mallard household. Everything was dark, save for the soft glow of the television. She made her way into the living room only to find Gosalyn asleep on the couch. Or at least…she _seemed_ to be asleep. The duckling was making strange growling noises and clawing at the air with her fingers.

"Oh, she must be having a nightmare, lucky dear," Morgana whispered, and shook her shoulder gently, "Gos…wake up…_Gosalyn wake up_…"

Goslayn's eyes fluttered open, bringing an abrupt end to the growling and clawing.

"What…where's Negaduck?" she asked.

Morgana raised an eyebrow.

"_That's_ something I wasn't expecting to hear."

"No, I was having this super cool dream! I was chasing Negaduck down this alley, except I wasn't me, I was this big, hairy thing! I kept trying to bite him and stuff and Negaduck was screaming like a baby, ha ha! Man, I bet I had big, blooooooody fangs, I must've been major league scary!" Gosalyn gushed.

"What's scary is that you had a dream about Negaduck," Morgana quipped.

Gosalyn pondered for a moment and said, "Probably 'cuz I saw him on TV before I fell asleep…Dad was chasing the Fearsome Five on the news – "

"WHAT?! He told me he was going to get a present for …ooooh, now he's going to get it!" Morgana seethed.

The sorceress stormed out of the room, and all Gosalyn caught were words like "lowbrow" and "pigheaded."

* * *

With the danger finally passed, the Fearsome Four fell silent. Megavolt watched the road steadily, pausing every now and then to glance discreetly at Negduck. The mallard was gazing down at himself. The beast's claws had ripped at his shirt, and in the tattered remains they left his blood. It was spilling everywhere, from his arms, from his chest, from his wrists…

"Go to the hideout. Now. The bleeding is getting worse," Negaduck croaked.

Megavolt frowned.

"But, I don't see any blood…"

Negaduck stared at him blankly. This was insane. What were they trying to pull?

"I can almost hear your brain cells dying," Negaduck snapped at Megavolt, "Now get me to the hideout before I bleed to death."

"Boss, I know funny, and this _is not_ funny. Well, not anymore," Quackerjack said quietly.

"DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LAUGHING?! HUH?! OF COURSE IT ISN'T FUNNY, ME DYING IS NOT FUNNY!" Negaduck roared.

The Fearsome Four became silent once again, and Negaduck clutched his wrists as tightly as he could.

* * *

The glow of the television illuminated the faces of the four super villains, adding a small amount of pale light to the otherwise dismal abandoned warehouse. The Fearsome Four bent ever closer to the device, barely blinking.

"No, no, don't open the door…he's got an axe…don't open the door! GAAAAHHH!" Bushroot screamed, shielding his eyes from the movie.

"Whatsit matter, he's got an axe, he can just chop right through the stupid door – ha, look, there he goes! Get her! Get her!" Megavolt cheered, never tearing his eyes from the scream.

Quackerjack giggled and crooned, "How much wood could a madman chuck if a madman could chuck wood?"

"How do they make it looks so _real_?" Bushroot whimpered.

"Because there's no business like show business," Liquidator gurgled.

As the plant-duck watched the screen with growing terror, an evil grin formed on Quackerjack's beak. He pointed to Bushroot and whispered something to Megavolt, who grinned just as evilly and nodded.

"Boy, that guy's crazier than Negaduck!" Bushroot commented.

"You said it – he's now officially a category five psychopath," Quackerjack muttered.

"Before he went running upstairs, he said something to me about replacing my windshield, but there's nothing wrong with it!" Megavolt said.

"Except for all the bird crap adorning it.'

"Cram it Banana Brain!"

"I wonder what he's doing now?" Bushroot interjected.

Liquidator rolled his eyes and mumbled, "Probably trying to find all the marbles he lost."

* * *

Negaduck heaved the door of his bedroom shut as hard as he possibly could, refusing to look at his bloodied body. He was going to bleed to death, and those infidels he thought were his teammates denied to even notice a scratch.

"If I were a first aid kit, where would I be – " Negaduck wondered breathlessly. Talking out loud had always helped him when he was flustered. Now that his vision was beginning to cloud and his mind was groggy and black, he needed all the help he could get.

He found a kit in the medicine cabinet. Negaduck grabbed it with shaking hands and it slipped from his grasp. It burst open, and its contents scattered across the floor. The mallard swore horribly before grabbing the roll of bandages. He moved fast; Negaduck really didn't know what else to do, he just wanted to stop the red ink of his blood from pouring.

He rolled up his sleeve. Better wrap up his bleeding wrists first, then maybe he'd have a slim chance of survival. He unraveled the bandage…

Negaduck froze. His wrists were fine. There was no blood. Nothing. Not even a bruise. The villain's mind whirled.

"What the hell…" he murmured.

He pushed up his feathers, revealing the pink flesh. Totally intact. He looked wildly at his other arm. Completely fine.

His chest. There had to be something on his chest. He hastily unbuttoned his jacket and pulled up the red shirt. He looked down. Nothing but brilliantly white feathers. He pulled his shirt back down, and for the first time noticed that it was as fine as ever, not even the slightest rip or tear.

Negaduck stared at himself for a long time. He would have sworn on his life that the dog had clawed at him, made him gush blood. His own eyes had seen it…

But not the eyes of the Fearsome Four. Negaduck remembered their disturbed looks of disbelief.

The mallard suddenly became aware of his sweating and heavy breathing. His vision was not cloudy, nor was his mind groggy.

"What's going on?" he croaked, staring into space.

Was it all a hallucination? Was he dreaming?

"The old lady!"

The memories of the alligator skin purse and the painful whack on the head came flowing back to him.

"That's it, that has to be it," Negaduck assured himself, "merely a knock on the noggin made me imagine those things, there's nothing wrong with me – I can't say much for that old broad, but there's nothing wrong with _me_."

He got to his feet, pushing away the problems and the doubts swirling in his mind. What was with that dog – no! It was nothing, just a figment of his imagination, and he had to forget about it.

"Besides, the sooner I get back to business, the sooner I'll be in the Negaverse."

* * *

"Shh! He'll hear us!"

"Well then stop 'shh'ing and he won't!"

"Fine…tee hee, this is gonna be great, he'll be scared stiff!"

Megavolt and Quackerjack tiptoed their way to Bushroot's door.

"Is he in there or did he got back to that dumb little greenhouse of his?" Quackejack asked.

Megavolt peeked inside. Sure enough, the plant-duck was staring out his window, standing as still as a board.

"Yup, the victim – I mean Bushroot is ready and waiting," Megavolt whispered with a grin.

"Good," Quackerjack whispered back, "now go in there and do what we planned!"

"Okey dokey – hey, hold it there Chuckles, why do _I_ have to do it?"

"Because you've got he chronic laryngitis voice suitable for this thing Megs, that's why."

"I don't have chronic laryn – "

"Just go in there before he hears us!" Quackerjack snapped and shoved Megavolt into the room.

The rat stumbled forward but regained his balance.

"Now!" came his partner's hushed order.

Megavolt nodded, then cleared his throat and whispered, "Red rum…red rum."

Bushroot continued to stare out the window obliviously. Megavolt looked back to Quackerjack for aid.

"Whisper louder!"

"That's an oxymoron – "

"Shut up Sparky!"

"Don't call me that…okay…red rum, red rum!"

Bushroot still refused to acknowledge him.

"C'mon Megavolt, unleash your inner Tony!" Quackerjack called.

Taking a few steps forward Megavolt continued, "Red rum! Red rum!"

Still nothing from Bushroot. His frustration mounting, Megavolt marched up behind the plant-duck and growled, "Uh, hellooooo! Red rum over here!"

When Bushroot ignored him Megavolt's temper finally found its breaking point.

"Don't you hear me? I said red rum! Come on Bushfruit, RED-FREAKING-RUM!"

Bushroot whipped around, he beak barely inches from Megavolt's nose. His normally vibrant blue eyes had a dull, glossy look to them as if he was staring straight through the other villain. Megavolt gulped.

"Um…red rum?" he squeaked with a nervous chuckle.

"Where is he?" Bushroot growled in a low voice.

"W-where's who?" Megavolt asked.

Bushroot yelled, "Where is he!"

"Uh, I think I hear my mother calling," Megavolt said as he turned to leave.

Quackerjack came up behind him, stopping his mad sprint from the room.

"C'mon Bushboot you could have at least pretended to be mildly frightened!" Quackerjack said indignantly.

Wasting no time, Bushroot grabbed the jester by the collar and roared, "WHERE IS HE!"

"Well you've got to be a little more specific than that! There's a lot of 'he's out there, which one do you want? Clint Beakwood? The Pope? Tad Stones? Who, I ask you, who?!" Quackerjack cried.

Bushroot let out a vicious snarl that made Quackerjack pale.

"Look! Behind you!" the clown shouted.

Bushroot glanced over his shoulder, and Quackerjack used his break in concentration to wriggle out of his grasp. He grabbed Megavolt's arm and broke into a run.

"Ha, dumb Bushy, he fell for the oldest trick in the – ACK!"

Quackerjack and Megavolt suddenly felt something snag around their middle. They looked down, only to see Bushroot's tentacle-like arms wrapped around their waists.

"Let go of us you stupid weed!" Megavolt screeched angrily.

"I don't think so…" Bushroot cooed in a voice not his own.

He hoisted them up in the air. Their heads bumped against the ceiling and their feet dangled helplessly.

"AAAUUGGHH! Put me down, put me down!" Megavolt wailed.

Quackerjack pulled out his doll and begged, "Mr. Banana Brain, help us!"

"No way, you're on your own!" Mr. Banana Brain said.

"Fair weather friend!" Quackerjack snapped, stuffing his toy back into his pocket, "Shouldn't there some kind of mysterious vigilante to help us in our hour of need?!"

"Isn't that Dipwing's job?" Megavolt wondered.

"Oh yeah, never mind then…Liquidator! He'll help us!"

"No, he went home!"

"Why?!"

"Because I told him to!"

"Ahhhh way to go Sparky!"

"Don't call me Sparky!"

Suddenly the door burst open, and in came a fuming Negaduck.

"All right ladies, what's going on in…here?"

"Negaduck! Ya gotta help us!" Megavolt pleaded.

"Yeah, plant boy's gone bananas!" Quackerjack added.

Before Negaduck could get a word in, Bushroot muttered in a strange voice, "Ah, _here _he is."

Negaduck's insides went cold. That accented tone was unmistakable – but coming from Bushroot? It didn't make sense.

"Okay Bushbrain, did you eat some funny fertilizer or sumthin'?" Negaduck asked hesitantly.

"Give me the pieces!" the plant-duck shouted.

"What are you talking about?!" Negaduck shrieked.

"You know what I'm talking about! Now give me the pieces!"

Bushroot struck out with another leafy tentacle. Negaduck dodged it and growled, "What in Satan's name do you think you're doing?!"

"Funny you should mention Satan," Bushroot said with a sadistic grin, "now give me the pieces, or these two shall die."

Megavolt and Quackerjack began mouthing "give him the pieces" from up above.

"Give me the pieces or these two die!" Bushroot thundered again.

Negaduck pondered this for a moment before saying nonchalantly, "Sounds good to me."

"Oh thanks a lot!" Megavolt snapped bitterly.

Quackerjack sighed dramatically and moaned, "Of all the ways to go…we're done in by Reginald Bushroot!"

Bushroot blinked, his eyes instantly returning to normal. His grip on the two villains slackened and they dropped unceremoniously to the floor.

"Hey…w-what's going on?" he asked bewilderedly.

Negaduck clenched his fists.

"You thick, dim-witted, brainless sack of sawdust! What do you THINK you were doing?!"

"A-a-actually I really d-don't have any idea…was I sleepwalking?" Bushroot stuttered in an innocent voice.

"Yeah, if trying to murder your partners in crime constitutes sleepwalking!" Megavolt yelled.

"I what?" Bushroot shrieked.

"Don't play dumb pollen breath, I always knew you found attempted homicide amusing!" Quackerjack accused.

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

Negaduck rubbed his temples wearily.

"I need a vacation," he mumbled and left the room, leaving the "do too"s and "do not"s behind him.

* * *

Megavolt and Quackerjack marched out of the room.

"You know how Bushroot was talking about the pieces?" Megavolt asked quietly.

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I was just thinking…you know those two pieces we have of that shiny black rock, you know the…oh what's it called…Neville's Eye?"

"That's _Devil's Eye,_ battery brains."

"Yeah whatever. Those two pieces of it we picked up…do you think _those _are the pieces he was talking about?"

"Piffle. Why would he want two halves of a mysterious but extremely powerful object of magic?" Quackerjack said.

"Okay, if you say so…"

NOTE: If this chapter seems a bit confusing, don't worry. The answers will all come in good time…stay tuned.


	4. Schoolhouse Shock

Disclaimer: Look at me! I'm writing about stuff I don't have any legal right to! Wahoo!

cringes Ouch, long time no update. But as always – thank you for the reviews!

It was 6:30 in the morning when Drake Mallard and Launchpad McQuack finally spun back into the Mallard household.

"I'm telling you LP – this dog, this massive mutt, was coming right for me when it just vanished into thin air!"

Launchpad yawned heftily; an all-night, not to mention fruitless, search for the Fearsome Five had left him a little less than awake.

"I dunno DW…I think you might've been a bit overtired…" Launchpad suggested groggily.

"But I could've sworn it was real, it dove straight at me and I didn't even have time to – say, speaking of time, I've got to wake Gos up."

Drake climbed the stairs, slid through his daughter's various intruder traps, and made his way through the clutter and to her bedside.

"Rise and shine!" he called.

The duckling rolled over and mumbled into her pillow, "Aw c'mon Dad, just five more hours…"

"There's a horde of bloodthirsty vampires on our front porch," Drake fibbed.

Gosalyn's eyes instantly snapped open and she literally leapt out of bed.

"No way! Vampires in the daylight?!" she cried excitedly.

"Nope, sorry, I lied," Drake said, "I needed something to get you out of bed on this particular day…"

Gosalyn's jaw dropped in utter horror.

"No, it can't be – " she whispered.

"Oh yes it is," Drake countered.

"No, this is some cruel joke!"

"Sorry, the only cruel jokes are politicians and landlords."

"It's a mistake!"

"I never make mistakes."

"No it's – it's – _not the first day of school!_" Gosalyn whimpered.

"Bingo!"

Gosalyn shouted defiantly, "You can't make me go!"

"I am a parent and therefore am perfectly capable of making you attend school," Drake informed, "C'mon Gos, do we have to go through this riggamaroll every year?"

"Of course we do!" Gosalyn snapped.

Drake shrugged his shoulders casually and said, "Fine. Then you won't be able to go to college and get a job, so you can just live here with ME the rest of your life."

"All right! I'll go, I'll go!" the duckling gushed, grabbing her clothes and dashing into the bathroom.

Drake grinned smugly and plodded back downstairs. He turned into the kitchen to see Launchpad seated at the table, but more surprisingly, Morgana seated with him.

"Morg? What are you doing here?" he blurted without thinking.

"Good morning to you too," Morgana muttered.

Drake chuckled sheepishly, "Heh heh, what I _meant_ to say is, what are you doing _here_, you see I _thought_ you were in the living room, so I was shocked to see you here in the kitchen – "

"Nice try Dark," Morgana said, cutting his babbling off, "I came to ask you about last night."

"Sorry Morg I couldn't make it to our date due to circumstances beyond my control," the mallard said automatically.

Morgana and Launchpad exchanged concerned looks.

"We didn't even have a date last night. I was talking about Gosalyn's birthday…Dark, have you gotten any sleep _at all_?" the sorceress asked worriedly.

Drake waved his hand haughtily.

"Sleep shmeep! Us superhero types don't need sleep to keep us going strong!"

"Right Dad," Gosalyn mumbled as she trudged into the kitchen, "that would explain why you're pouring the coffee grounds into the microwave."

"What? Oh. Oopsie."

"Good morning Gos!" Morgana greeted cheerily, "did you have any more of those dreams?"

The duckling's face brightened instantly as she spouted, "No, but I finally figured out who I was! I was the one, the only – the Throat Bloodier!"

"THAT'S IT!" Drake yelled, so suddenly that it woke Launchpad up from his snooze on the table and drove Eek and Squeak from Morgana's hair.

"Mayday! Mayday! Abandon – oh, I was dreamin', heh heh," Launchpad laughed to himself.

"What's 'it'?" Gosalyn and Morgana asked.

"That Throat-whatsit! That's the dog that attacked me last night!" Drake cried.

"Nonsense. The Throat Bloodier's an ancient Transylvanian creature, it's been extinct for centuries," Morgana informed flatly.

"I swear that's what I saw! I was on the Ratcatcher and it came at me so fast that even my lightning fast reflexes couldn't react in time!"

"Probably just a stray," Morgana argued.

"Oh yeah, a stray the size of a small elephant!" Drake snapped, "And how do you explain the glowing green eyes, hmm?"

"Reflection from the headlights of your motorcycle," the sorceress countered.

"I don't believe this, now _you're _the one who's trying to dissuade _me_ from the paranormal!" Drake said in an exasperated voice.

"But ya know what's cool Dad?" Gosalyn asked between mouthfuls of cereal, "I was having this mondo freaky dream last night where I was the Throat Bloodier and I was chasing Negaduck all over St. Canard but then I woke up and – "

Drake interrupted her with a, "That's lovely dear. As I was saying, I was chasing Negaduck when this thing lunged at me, and then it disappeared, just like that!"

"Wait a minute," Morgana pondered aloud, "Gosalyn was having a dream about the Throat Bloodier chasing Negaduck, but then I woke her up…and you were chasing Negaduck when the Throat Bloodier 'attacked you', but then it disappeared…Dark, maybe there's some kind of connect – "

"I've got it!" Drake butted in, "Negaduck has concocted a hologram machine, by which he used to escape the perfume store and then proceed to create that dog creature thing! AHA! Clever ruse Negaduck, clever ruse…but not clever enough to fool _my _insuperable intellect!"

The mallard suddenly felt a sharp burning sensation as Morgana zapped him with a powerful hex.

"Fine! Ignore me! But don't come crawling to me when you're eaten alive by a so-called 'hologram'!" Morgana hissed angrily before teleporting out of the room.

Drake coughed dryly and Gosalyn mumbled, "Way to start the morning off right Dad."

Drake poured himself a steaming cup of coffee and shook his head.

"She'll get over it. Anywho, I've got Negaduck's hologram figured out, now I need to pay my attention to his recent heists. It's baffling – who in their right mind would want money, chocolates, flowers, jewelry, and now perfume?!"

"Hint number one: don't ever let Morgana hear you say that," Gosalyn advised.

"Gosalyn what are talking about – SWEET MOTHER OF CAPTAIN VIRTUE! LOOK AT THE TIME! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE!"

Gosalyn barely had enough time to grab her backpack before her father yanked her out the door.

"Life's all about first impressions, and you don't want everyone to think you're an unmotivated slacker who hates school!" Drake said breathlessly as he ran through the yard.

"A bit too late for that," Gosalyn grumbled under her breath.

Drake fumbled in his pocket for the car keys, his daughter would never make it to school in time if she walked –

"Hey neighbor!"

Drake raised his gaze to the skies.

"Someone up there must hate me," the mallard sighed as he turned to face Herb Muddlefoot.

"Good mornin' Drakemeister! Does Gos need a lift? I'm taking the kids to school on the way to Quackerware HQ!"

Before Drake could answer Gosalyn had already bolted into the Muddlefoot's vehicle and seated herself next to Honker.

"Uh, thanks," Drake managed awkwardly.

"Glad to do it ol' buddy! See ya later gator!" Herb bellowed, then squeezed himself into the car.

Drake waved as they scooted out of the driveway. Binkie came up beside him, waving and calling out, "Have fun Honker and Gosalyn! Stay away from the Bunsen burners Tank dear!"

She clasped her hands together sweetly and faced Drake.

"Don't you just _adore_ the first day of school?"

"I wouldn't go as far as _adore_."

"For awhile there I was worried that my little Honker might have to stay home – he was acting so strangely last night!"

"Oh?" Drake prodded, suddenly intrigued.

"Goodness yes! He got up in the middle of the night and went all over the house. And he kept saying that he was hunting – or was it punting? No I think it was hunting – he said he was hunting for Mr. Darkwing, all in this funny little voice he came up with!" Binkie exclaimed.

Drake's eyes widened. So Gosalyn wasn't the only one.

"Gee Binkie, what happened?"

"Well I went straight up to him and said 'Now Honker Muddlefoot you go back to bed this instant!' and poof! He stopped babbling! And dear me was he ever confused, it was actually so very cute!" Binkie giggled.

"Cute, right…" Drake murmured, rubbing his beak thoughtfully.

"Well I must be going, have to keep packing for the big move. Toodles!" Binkie called and disappeared into her pristine house.

Drake continued to rub his beak. So, Honker too was behaving oddly, hallucinating, and, unnervingly, searching for Darkwing Duck.

The mallard yawned, realizing he never got around to drinking his coffee. He stretched his arms and sighed, "Ah well, I'll sleep on it. Crash on the couch, and get some well-deserved shuteye. Then I can – OUCH! What the…"

He massaged the back of his head where a hard object had crashed into it. Turning around, he came beak to beak with the Flashquack.

"Oh boy!" he cried excitedly.

The tiny likeness of himself spat out a piece of paper into his face, then buzzed away in an important sort of manner. Drake unraveled the scroll and read aloud, "_Dear sir or madam, this is a reminder to attend the meeting/appointment/interrogation you neglected to attend on insert date and time. With love, SHUSH._"

Drake's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"My meeting! With SHUSH! This morning! I completely forgot! How absentminded could I be?!"

The mallard raced into his house at light speed, leaping over the couches in a single bound. He threw himself into the blue chair and punched the worn statue.

* * *

"Goofball duck is again late sir! Lack of commitment show poor discipline!"

"Give him time Agent Gryzlikoff. I'm quite sure Darkwing is a busy man."

"Yes, busy being goofball!"

Darkwing burst into the condemned dental office currently serving as the secret S.H.U.S.H. rendezvous point, gasping and panting for breath.

"I am…terror…flap…night…I am…fly…in your…soup…I am…Dark…Duck…" the exhausted crime fighter wheezed.

"Hello Darkwing," J. Gander Hooter welcomed warmly.

"How nice of you to arrive," Vladimir Gryzlikoff grumbled sarcastically.

Darkwing Duck cleared his throat and straightened his hat.

"Sorry 'bout that JG, lost track of the time…life of a crime fighter, ya know…so, what's on tap for today?"

"Well, first and foremost Darkwing we have SHUSH's latest prototypes for you to test…"

The aged avian retrieved a steel-coated case. He opened it, revealing several simple-looking cylinders.

"These are the newest and most advanced gas cartridges to come out of SHUSH labs, courtesy of Dr. Bellum," he explained, "They not only upset the subject's physical condition, but the mental one as well. Be warned, they are highly potent. The subject will go through an extremely thorough personality change – though Dr. Bellum failed to specify just how _long_ that personality transformation lasts. We only have laughing gas and tear gas for now, but I'd be most obliged if you'd be able to take them for a trial run and report the results."

"No sweat, I welcome new weapons for my crime-busting arsenal with open arms," Darkwing replied, stuffing the cartridges under his cape greedily.

"Excellent! Thank you Darkwing, Dr. Bellum was most curious on the effects of the gas on intelligent test subjects," J. Gander added.

"Intelligent test subjects you say, sir? Is looking like we is unable to be using them on Darkwing then. Though he could certainly be using change of personality," Gryzlikoff scoffed.

Darkwing narrowed his eyes at the bear.

"Look who's talking Mr. I-eez-being-angry-like-hornet-all-dee-time!"

Gryzlikoff was practically foaming at the mouth, but J. Gander stepped between them.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! We have important business here and we need to continue with it!" the director said, turning his back to them to retrieve some papers.

"My apologies sir!" Gryzlikoff said, straightening up.

"I'm sorry too," Darkwing apologized, then whispered so only Gryzlikoff could hear him, "didn't mean to set ol' Gryz off, you know how quick these ugly, thuggish-types are to fly off the handle."

Within the second Darkwing and Gryzlikoff were in an all-out brawl, all while J. Gander's attention was directly elsewhere. After the required papers were in hand, the director turned around. Gryzlikoff quickly released Darkwing from his headlock and the two separated just in time to grin at J. Gander as if nothing had happened.

"These are reports from various sources attesting to the recent behavior of some of our agents," Gander said gravely, handing the papers to Darkwing.

The crime fighter scanned them over. The words "hallucinations" and "violent actions" jumped out at him.

As Darkwing read J. Gander spoke, "Odd hallucinations seem to befall SHUSH's agents, especially those witness to Taurus Bulba's attack last spring. I must say it has me very worried, along with today's front page of the newspaper. Did you read it, by any chance?"

"No…no, I didn't, it was kind of a rushed morning…" Darkwing murmured.

"Of course he no read paper. He no read SHUSH handbook neither. Make perfect sense," Gryzlikoff muttered.

Darkwing glared at the bear before flipping the newspaper to eyelevel. His brow furrowed as the news grew graver by the word.

"More sleepwalking…more violence…attempted murders?!"

"And it gets worse. We found several agents in a trance-like state, ripping through our archives. They all seemed to go for one in particular," J. Gander said, then held up the remains of a shredded file folder. Darkwing squinted, until he saw the faint letting, "_Duck, Darkwing_."

"My file! It's been…defiled!" the crime fighter shouted indignantly.

"These strange events are all isolated in St. Canard. The future of this fair city may be at stake," the director stated ominously.

"Have no fear JG, no city could be safer than the one under the watchful eyes of yours truly," Darkwing boasted.

Gryzlikoff rolled his eyes but J. Gander beamed.

"That's the spirit Darkwing! I have my confidence in you – but now, unfortunately, we must be going.

"So soon? Why?" Darkwing asked, disappointed.

"Maybe is being strange conception to you, duck, but we must be returning to job," Gryzlikoff jeered brusquely.

"That's 'strange _concept_', Vlad," Darkwing corrected.

The bear snarled menacingly, but J. Gander pushed him out the door.

"We may not be in contact for quite some time, I'm afraid. Don't bother messaging us – our fledgling SHUSH headquarters is at a high level of security. Understandable, though not convenient," he informed sadly, "Be careful Darkwing, we're counting on you."

"No problemo J. Gander," Darkwing called, waving as they left.

No sooner had they left the room when Darkwing's wrist watch-communicator emitted a high-pitched beeping. The masked mallard's face fell but he spoke into the watch importantly, "Darkwing here."

"_Hey DW, it's me, Launchpad –_"

"I would have never guessed."

"_Oh, well…ahem, Gosalyn's school just called._"

"You've got to be kidding, it's her first day!"

"_Sorry DW, her principal called and she wants to see you…I guess Gos brought that book Morgana gave her to school._"

"Oh Pete's sake…why me…"

"_What was that?_"

"Nothing."

"_Well, anyways, just thought I'd let ya know…_"

"Thanks pal. Gos and I are going to have a special little talk tonight…Darkwing out!"

* * *

"NO Quackerwhack, Little Buddy is NOT coming back for the nineteenth season!"

"Oh yes he is Bushbrain!"

"How could he?! He was eaten by a shark in the season finale!"

"They'll find a way! How can you have 'Pelican's Island' without Little Buddy?!"

"Easily! You turn him into shark bait and _poof!_ No more Little Buddy!"

Megavolt and Liquidator watched in boredom as Quackerjack and Bushroot bickered. Megavolt rolled up his sleeve and glanced at his watch.

"Negaduck's fashionably late, as always," he drawled.

"You, my green-around-the-bill friend, have got some SERIOUS denial issues that can only be remedied with…machete-wielding teddy bears!" Quackerjack announced joyously, revealing several dangerous-looking stuffed animals.

The jester hurled the toys at Bushroot, who ducked out of the way. They landed on Megavolt, who shouted, "Quackerjack! Get these freaks away from me!"

"Which freaks are you talking about? Bushroot and Liquidator or the toys?" Quackerjack asked slyly.

Within five seconds the Fearsome Four were in an absolute fistfight. Water sloshed, vines whipped, and electricity crackled. Enraged shouts and vicious insults sounded until –

_SLAM!_

Negaduck burst into the room of their hideout with a trademark scowl on his face. The Fearsome immediately detangled themselves and stood up at attention.

"Here comes Mr. Smiles himself," Megavolt muttered too low for Negaduck to hear, and the rest of the four snickered.

"All right you bunch of knuckle-draggers, I've got a job for you," the black-masked mallard began.

Megavolt crossed his fingers and murmured "power company, power company," while Quackerjack just blurted, "We're going to murder the Whiffle Boy, right?"

Negaduck glowered at the clown and said lowly, "You're endangering my naturally calm demeanor…anywho, I'm going out."

"Oooh hot date tonight?" Liquidator asked, unable to help himself.

"Shut up," Negaduck snapped, "I've got, 'business', you could say, to attend to tonight."

"Four out of five dentists say it's definitely a date," Liquidator commented.

"I have no problem with flushing you down the toilet liquid-for-brains. As I was saying, I'm taking half the loot with me, so that means you knobs are going to stay here and guard the other half," Negaduck stated.

"So you're saying that you're going out on 'business' with flowers, chocolate, jewelry, money, and perfume, but it's not a date…" Liquidator began.

"Wait – we all have to s-stay here, all day…together?!" Bushroot shrieked.

"That's right," Negaduck cooed with a sadistic smile.

"That's cruel and unusual!" Quackerjack objected.

"Trust me, I feel terrible about it deep inside," Negaduck told him sarcastically, "now keep an eye on that stuff. I'm counting on you…I can't believe I just said that. I'm never going a whole night without sleep again…"

Negaduck whisked out the door without so much as a goodbye. Megavolt raised an eyebrow.

"Did he just say he didn't get any sleep?"

"Yeah – maybe Negaduck's a vampire," Bushroot giggled.

"Pfft. Are you kidding? If he was a vampire then he couldn't see himself in the mirror. It would kill him," Quackerjack pointed out.

"Do you find hideout-sitting boring? Hate taking pathetic orders from your boss? Well then welcome to our lives!" Liquidator announced sourly, "What the heck are we supposed to do here all day?"

Quackerjack opened a closet door curiously, then gasped in delight.

"Hey guys, look what I found – board games!"

Megavolt, Liquidator, and Bushroot groaned.

Meanwhile, Negaduck was already on his motorcycle, loot in tow, screaming down the streets of St. Canard. Today was the day, he could feel it, in just a few hours he'd be home sweet home…

The villain blazed towards his destination, but not before holding up a local coffee shop.

* * *

Drake Mallard strode through the halls of St. Canard Junior High like a seasoned professional; much like his daughter, he could find his way to the principal's office blindfolded.

He stood in front of the door trying to quell his flaring temper. Seriously, the first day of school for Pete's sake, Gosalyn must have broken some kind of record. It was a personal best, to say the least.

After a deep, calming breath he stepped into the office.

"Good afternoon Drake," the stately woman greeted.

"Hello Becky," Drake returned.

Sadly, they were on a first name basis.

"I don't believe if anyone's told you, but Gosalyn's in the nurse's office right now," Becky informed.

Drake raised an eyebrow and asked suspiciously, "Why…"

"Well, she complained of suddenly feeling very tired and – "

"No need to say more Becky, this has the familiar ring of a trademark Gosalyn hoax – "

" – And then she passed out."

"WHAT?!"

Drake rushed to the nurse's office, his heart racing. Maybe Gosalyn wasn't kidding when she said she wanted to be an actress, but on the other hand…

He turned the corner to see his daughter laying on the cheap school bed, sleeping soundly. Drake breathed a sigh of relief and came to her side, touching her shoulder gently.

In an instant, Gosalyn's eyes flashed open and she snatched his wrist like a snake striking for a mouse.

"Greetings, Darkwing," she croaked hoarsely.

Drake's face hardened and he glanced over his shoulder nervously.

"They don't call it a _secret_ identity for nothing young lady!" he whispered urgently.

"Oh, it is no secret with me…not anymore," Gosalyn said with an evil grin.

"What on earth are you talking about? If this is some kind of devious ploy to get you out of trouble, you're sailing the wrong ship Gos!" Drake growled sternly, then, upon noticing her lack of eye contact, continued, "and you look at me while I'm berating you!"

Wait, she _was _looking at him…or was she? Her eyes were pointed in his direction, but she was practically looking straight through him. Not to mention they were dull and unfocused and – uh oh.

Drake began to panic as Gosalyn struggled in his grasp.

"Snap out of it!" he cried.

"The only thing I'll snap is your neck!" the duckling answered harshly in a deep, accented voice.

"Quit it Gos! Oh, how'd I wake you up last time…um, shazam! Hocus pocus! Open sesame!" the mallard tried weakly.

As the two fought, the receptionist called politely from the other room, "Gosalyn Mallard!"

Gosalyn suddenly returned to normal, ceasing her squirming. She looked around, and realized that she was in school – with her father.

"I didn't do it!" she expelled automatically.

Ignoring her denial, Drake scooped her up and headed for the door.

"That's it, I'm taking you to a psychiatrist or something!"

"You say that all the time Dad."

"Yeah, except this time I mean it!"

Drake pushed past the nurse who shouted after him angrily, "Where do you think you're going?!"

"Exorcism!" Drake yelled back.

* * *

"Wahoo!" Gosalyn shouted joyously, leaping out of the car. While she was thrilled to be home from school over an hour early, her father's feelings were quite different.

Drake gingerly eased himself out of the vehicle. He had to be careful not to upset his delicate stomach. Boy, Morgana must _really_ be practicing those hexes.

His visit with the sorceress had not gone exceptionally well. She had checked over Gosalyn and found nothing. No evil spirits, no demons, not even a head cold. As Morgana began to doubt Drake's senses, the mallard hinted that maybe Morgana's powers weren't up to snuff. Big mistake. Cap the argument off with a "I'm a sorceress not an exorcist!" and a nasty hex, and all that was left was a very queasy Drake Mallard.

When he came into the house he was not surprised to see Gosalyn destroying the couch springs and expertly maneuvering the Whiffle Boy.

"How can you play video games at a time like this?" he asked wearily.

"A time like what?"

"Gos, don't you think you were acting just a _wee_ bit strangely at school? Ya know, just a tad?"

"No way, it wasn't strange, I fall asleep in school all the time," the redhead returned casually.

"Oh okay then – hey wait just darned minute!"

Before Drake could virtually erupt, the blue chairs spun around and revealed Launchpad.

"Hey DW, hey Gos!" he greeted amiably, then faltered, "Wait, Gos? Is this about the phone call?"

"I was just getting to that…Gosalyn, what were you doing with Morgana's book?" Drake asked, tapping his webbed foot.

The duckling glared at him and objected, "First of all, it's MY book, and second of all, I was just showing my fellow classmates a picture of Spine Snapper, the two-headed bird of prey! Jeez, some kids can't take a little blood and guts…"

Drake clutched his stomach, but Launchpad rubbed his own and commented, "Boy, all this talk is making me hungry!" and made his way to the kitchen.

Gosalyn giggled and went back to slinging her fingers over the controller. Drake shook his head. He was just about to head upstairs when he heard the harsh whisper of an icy voice –

_Kill her._

Drake glowered in his daughter's direction.

"Gosalyn, turn the TV down! All that shooting and killing, it's too violent! Now, where'd I put my gas gun…"

_Kill her._

"I said turn it down! I'm not too fond of homicidal idioms in my household!" the mallard yelled.

"I did turn it down, cool it!" Gosalyn yelled back.

_Kill her._

Drake stiffened.

"If you cut the volume, than who said that?"

_Kill her._

He looked around wildly.

"Where's that voice coming from?" he shrieked.

"What voice?" Gosalyn asked quizzically.

How could she not hear it?! He had heard something, he knew he heard something.

_Kill her! Kill her!_

"Oooookay whoever you are, you've got the wrong duck – I, Drake Mallard, am an archetype of morality!" he declared defiantly.

"Uh…Dad…who are you talking to?" Gosalyn asked warily.

_Kill her! Kill HER!_

His heart was pounding rapidly now as panic began to settle into his chest. Everything seemed dull and fuzzy except the terrible voice, like a stereo on full blast in a library.

"Hit the road pal, I'm not listening to you!" Drake hollered.

"I'm getting Launchpad…" Gosalyn said slowly, never taking her eyes off her father as she headed for the kitchen.

_Kill her! Kill G_oo_salyn!_

Drake covered his ears, squeezed his eyes closed, and bellowed, "SHUT UP!"

Launchpad dashed into the room. He grabbed his friend by the shoulder and shook him firmly.

"Drake! Drake Mallard! C'mon buddy, calm down!"

The mallard's thoughts instantly cleared and the voice was replaced by ever-present ticking of the grandfather clock and his own heavy breathing.

"Did you hear that?" he questioned Launchpad shakily.

The pilot frowned.

"Uh, sorry DW, I didn't hear anything…ya know, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea if you got some sleep…"

"No, I don't need sleep!" Drake asserted forcefully, "What I need is some answers! And I think I know just where to get them…"


	5. Out of this World

Disclaimer: Are these characters mine? Yes! Oops, I mean no.

I must say once again, the reviews are GREATLY appreciated. Thanks everyone!

"Hey, wait up DW – "

Launchpad could barely keep up with Drake as the mallard marched to the blue chairs.

"Where're ya goin'?"

"To get some answers!"

"But, really, don't ya think ya should, well, take a nap or something first? You haven't slept for a whole day, I don't know about you but last time I checked that wasn't all that healthy," the pilot objected.

Drake plopped himself into his seat and stated, "Healthy my webbed foot. I'm as fit as a fiddle, and then some! Besides, I can't go to sleep, the instincts of a hero are calling me – "

"Yeah, and they're calling you crazy," Gosalyn interjected.

Drake scowled at her.

"I'm _not_ crazy."

"Uh huh whatever you say Dad. Anyways, I can't let you go out with your mind in such a fragile state – not without me, that is!" Gosalyn exclaimed excitedly, leaping into her father's lap.

"Oh no no no, I don't think so little lady," Drake tutted, lifting her off, "Your tail feathers are staying HOME."

The duckling's green eyes widened.

"But, if – "

"If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then every day would be Christmas. Now you stay put like a good little girl, and if I catch you out of the house you're grounded for eternity!" Drake declared.

"Tyrant," Gosalyn grumbled sourly, clenching her fists and storming up to her room.

Launchpad watched her leave, then sunk into the adjacent chair.

"So where we headed DW?"

"Drop the 'we' part, pal. You're staying here to keep an eye on Gosalyn."

"Awww c'mon – " Launchpad began.

"No backtalk! Or you'll be grounded too mister!" Drake said while pointing a threatening finger at his sidekick, who quickly backed off.

"Well, ok, but do me a favor and be careful," he pleaded.

"Don't worry LP, Careful is my middle name."

"I thought it was Danger."

"Oh yeah. That too. Drake…Careful Danger Mallard."

A swift punch to the statue and the mallard was gone. Launchpad sighed. He had known "Careful Danger" too long not to notice the exhaustion in his eyes.

* * *

_Screeeeeech!_

Darkwing slammed on the brakes of the Ratcatcher, leaving behind a near fifteen feet long skid mark.

"Curse you red light!" he swore, shaking his fist at the traffic light.

He sighed impatiently and leaned on the handlebars, taking in the soft buzz from the humming engine. As Darkwing waited, he could not help but dwell on the guilt swelling inside him. Never had he wanted to be so harsh on Gosalyn, or Launchpad for that matter, but he had no choice. With what he was about to do, that very last thing he needed was for his rambunctious daughter to get involved.

The red light switched to green, and with an exasperated, "Finally!" the crime fighter gunned the engine and zipped through the intersection. He zoomed farther down the street until coming to a halt in front of the violently out of place Macabre Manor. The instant he stepped past the gates, the vibrant late afternoon sky morphed into a dark, vicious tempest. Darkwing held onto his hat and leaned into the rain, finally making it to the safety of the front porch.

Darkwing waited outside the door and mentally readied himself for his girlfriend's impending wrath. Her performance earlier today had made it very clear to him that she did not want to see his face for quite awhile, let alone in an hour.

At long last, Darkwing raised his fist but with no intention of knocking. The heavy oaken door swung open on cue, and before you could say "suck gas" he was greeted with a "TAKE _THIS_ YOU CAPED GRUB WORM YOU!"

The next thing he knew, Darkwing's cape wound itself around him stoutly, causing him to resemble a very purple mummy.

"Hey! Jeez Morg, I knew you were miffed but seriously here!" the masked mallard shouted indignantly.

"Oh Dark, it's just you!"

Morgana floated out of the shadows, her fingers still sizzling from the spell. To Darkwing's infinite shock she rushed forward and hugged him tightly. The mallard raised an eyebrow.

"Um, okay…I'd hug you back, but I'm a little _wrapped_ up at the moment," he joked.

"Thank the Grim Reaper you're safe," the sorceress whispered.

Darkwing's brow furrowed and he asked bewilderedly, "I'm safe? What are you talking about – and what was with the 'caped grub worm' remark?"

"It's nothing, for a moment I thought you were…someone else."

Morgana drew away from him and glided back into her house. With his cape wrapped around him so snuggly he could scarcely twitch a feather than move his legs, Darkwing was forced to follow her awkwardly on tiptoe.

"Uh, Morg, could you do something about my cape? It's heh heh, starting to go boa constrictor on me," Darkwing said nervously, straining his neck.

"Oh, sorry," Morgana apologized, and with a snap of her fingers the cape went limp.

The sorceress paced quietly, glancing out the window every five seconds.

"Whatsa matter Morg? You seem a little antsy," Darkwing asked.

"I told you it's NOTHING," she replied firmly, "Now, what did you come to see me about?"

Darkwing eyed her suspiciously but resumed anyway, "Well with Gos having her little 'episodes' and stuff – "

"What's the 'stuff'?" Morgana stated more than questioned.

"It's, er, nothing, I just um, kinda sorta heard this voice in my head…" the mallard chuckled.

"Sleep," Morgana countered flatly.

"What of it?"

"Have you gotten any?"

"If you must know, even though it has no relevancy to the current situation whatsoever, _tech_nically…no."

"Dark!"

"Hold you horses Morgana!" the crime fighter cut in before she could object, "This isn't a sleep deprivation problem, I _know_ it! Now, I need you to help me with something in order for me to figure this calamity out!"

Morgana sighed, "Fine. What is it you require help with?"

"Can you by any chance open a portal to another universe?"

"_What?!_ Oh yes, of course, I open portals every morning before breakfast. NO I CAN'T OPEN ONE!"

"Come ooonnn Morg, I need to further my criminal investigation!" Darkwing whined childishly.

"Okay okay okay! I'll open the portal!" Morgana sighed wearily, marching into the library and pulling out the hefty tome of _So You Want to End the World._ She began flipping through the pages as she asked, "So what's this universe of yours called?"

"The Negaverse."

_So You Want to End the World _hit the floor with a loud _THUD!_

"The Negaverse! What do you know about it?!" Morgana practically shrieked.

"I know enough…what do _you_ know about it?" Darkwing asked skeptically.

"It's just that someone…never mind. Step back so you don't get sucked into oblivion," Morgana snapped and raised her hands to begin summoning the portal.

Darkwing crossed his arms and objected, "Morgana you're not being honest with me, how do you know about the Negaverse?"

The sorceress ignored him and asked suddenly, "Is this a parallel universe?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that – but how did you know _that_ little morsel of information, hmmm?" Darkwing questioned.

"Because it's a horizontal opening, that's how!" Morgana returned.

She knelt down and brought her arm to the floor.

"Arm stiff, pivot at the shoulder," she muttered, more out of habit than necessity.

The sorceress trailed her finger across the oaken boards, and in its wake left a glowing, green line. Carefully, Morgana brought the backs of her hands together, palms out, and continued to spread apart the green crack. She opened the portal as far as she could reach, until it resembled an unearthly shining manhole in the middle of her library.

Morgana peered down into the vortex, the green light illuminating her white feathers.

"Is this it?" she questioned uncertainly.

Darkwing leaned over the doorway. He gazed down at the vast array of random objects, ranging from a whip to a kitchen sink, all floating around aimlessly.

"That's it all right," he commented, "I'm going in, be back in a jiff!"

The crime fighter made to step into the threshold, but Morgana held him back.

"You seem so tired, are you sure this isn't too rash?" she asked quietly.

"Of course not, when have I ever been rash?"

Morgana wisely chose not to answer that particular question and opted for, "Do be careful Dark, I'm worried about you."

Darkwing Duck strode forward confidently.

"No need for worries m'dear, I'm always in control of the situati – WAAAAHHH!"

Completely forgetting about the universal portal directly on the floor in front of him, Darkwing accidentally fell right into it. Morgana sighed and shook her head.

* * *

Gosalyn Mallard gave her pillow a tough punch. Her face as hard as stone, she slouched on her bed and held her head in her hands.

"This royally stinks. I coulda had a cool dad who lets me go out on top secret missions for the government but _NOOO_OOO, I get stuck with Mr. Neurotic who makes me stay home cuz it's probably to 'dangerous'!"

She leaned back, but felt an uncomfortable lump underneath her.

"What the…"

Gosalyn reached down and pulled out a tennis ball. Casually she began tossing it against the opposite wall and catching the rebound. _Swish _through the air, _thunk_ as it hit the wall, and _smack_ when it returned to her palm. _Swish thunk smack. Swish thunk smack._

"This. Is. So. Boring!" she cried at long last.

The duckling heaved the fuzzy yellow ball as hard as she could. It dinged off the corner of the vanity, causing the mirror to wobble precariously. She leapt off her bed with a nervous "Yipes!" and grasped the mirror before she owed her dad a year's worth of allowance.

"Phew…" she breathed, staring at her relieved reflection.

_"Miss Waddlemeyer…"_

Gosalyn stiffened and watched her face pale. No one had called her that in three years.

"W-w-who said that?" she asked.

_"Don't be afraid Miss Waddlemeyer, I won't hurt you,"_ the voice answered.

"I'm not afraid!" Gosalyn declared a lot braver than she felt, "Where are you? Why can't I see you?"

_"My physical body is simply beyond my reach."_

"Who are you?"

The voice answered calmly, _"You know who I am. Search the darkest corner of you mind, find the hidden memories buried in the depths of your soul."_

The redhead thought hard for a moment.

"Uh, I'm searching every corner and I'm coming up empty," she replied to the invisible companion.

_"I, my darling, am your father. Your true father. Mr. Waddlemeyer."_

* * *

Darkwing emerged from the other end of the portal like a purple bullet erupting from a blast cannon. He screamed as he sailed through the air until he hit the very hard, very solid floor.

"Oh…all my dear little vertebrae…" he moaned as he rolled onto his back.

The masked mallard stared up at the ceiling. Boy, did that ceiling ever look familiar. In fact, it almost looked like Morgana's library ceiling –

It _was_ Morgana's library ceiling. Darkwing sat bolt upright and looked around. He was in Morgana's library, the same place he had left it back in his universe. But now, in the Negaverse, thing's weren't quite the same. The wooden supports were unkempt and rotting, the wallpaper peeled off the walls in great strips, torn apart books were scattered everywhere; it was the complete opposite of Morgana's usually neat and business-like household.

The crime fighter rose to his feet nervously. It had taken him long enough to get used to Morgana's house back home, let alone this one. He left the library and made his way down the hall. The whole experience was much like picking his way through a war zone. Various objects and debris littered the already filthy walkway. Most unsettling, however, was the utter lack of sound. While Morgana's normal house – it felt strange considering Morgana's house "normal" – exhibited a variety of odd noises, this house was uncannily silent. It was death and decay in every aspect.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Darkwing found his way to the front porch. He waited for the manor door to shut on its own, but it stood stalk still. He closed it gently, then shuddered. A brisk walk took him through the yard and onto the streets, leaving him more than glad to leave the strange house behind.

Darkwing strode down the streets of Nega-St. Canard. The Friendly Four had certainly been doing their share – the grass was green, the electricity was functioning, and the air seemed cleaner. A few people were even braving the streets.

A meek old goose stepped out of a small store and bumped into Darkwing.

"Oh, sorry sir," the goose began, but then caught sight of Darkwing and breathed fearfully, "_Negaduck…_"

"What? Where?! I'll get that – oh, you mean me. Don't worry, I'm not Negaduck, I just look like him!" Darkwing asserted.

"Ahhh! Lord Negaduck's back!" the terrified civilian screamed, sprinting for his life.

At the sound of the call, two menacing looking thugs ambled out of an alley and up to Darkwing. They greeted him with an excited, "Lord Negs! Yer back! Where ya been pal, those damn Friendly Four punks been takin' over da place!"

"But I'm not Negaduck, I'm…"

Darkwing Duck trailed off, noticing the quizzical looks on their faces, and more importantly, the knives in their belts.

"I mean, I'm uh," Darkwing lowered his voice in his best Negaduck impression, "_Yes, I am uh, Lord Negaduck…um…fear me!_"

"Are we gonna start anutter revolution again Lord Negs? Are we, are we?"

"_Uh, yeah, sure, viva la revolucion!_"

"Where do ya wants us to begin?"

"_I want you to begin by uh, let's see, walking away and um, going in the opposite direction and walking away. Yes, that's where I want you to begin,_" Darkwing spouted.

The thugs stared at him doubtfully but followed their orders nonetheless. The mallard grinned smugly to himself. Foolish felons, so easily manipulated. Now to find the Friendly Four…wait a second…

"Hey guys, wait – _ahem, I mean, you two get back here! Where might I find the Friendly Four?_" Darkwing called.

"Hell boss, if we knew dat we woulda mutilated dem already! Do you want us ta find 'em and hurt 'em for ya?" a thug asked.

"No!" Darkwing said quickly, "Er, _no, you will do nothing of the sort. In fact, leave them alone, don't bother them ever again, and always do what they tell you…give them a false sense of security ya know…and then, uh, I'll go after them and take care of them…personally! Uh, mwahaha!"_

"Okay, whatever you say Lord Negs, I think."

The thugs strolled away, thoroughly confused. Meanwhile, Darkwing Duck began a very futile search for the Friendly Four.

"A master detective like me – sensitive to the most diminutive detail – and I can't find four of the biggest superheroes in town!" Darkwing ranted.

The frustrated mallard sank down onto a stool at Hamburger Hippo which, contrary to the other universe, was sparkling clean.

"What's a duck to do…" Darkwing moaned, rubbing his eyes.

"Dat'll be five bucks," the manager grunted to the person seated next to Darkwing.

"Here ya go my good man," came a cheery, albeit nasal, tone.

Darkwing's head popped up.

"I'd know that voice anywhere…"

The crime fighter turned around and came face to face with none other than –

"Megavolt!"

Nega-Megavolt blinked and stuttered, "Is that…are you…Darkwing ol' pal!"

The rodent enveloped Darkwing in a hug that caused his feathers to stand on end with static.

"Long time no see! How ya been?" Nega-Megavolt asked jovially.

"Not too bad, and yourself?"

"Great great, intercepted a local bank robbery, liberated a few light bulbs here and there, you know, the usual stuff. So what brings you to these parts?"

"Actually, my St. Canard's been having some issues – well, bigger issues than the norm – and I was wondering if I could talk to Gosalyn. Where is she?" Darkwing asked.

"She should be back at the hideout I'm hypothesizing," Nega-Megavolt mused, "C'mon, I'll give you the grand tour!"

* * *

Nega-Megavolt and Darkwing stepped into the old abandoned warehouse – Darkwing was beginning to notice a trend – and greeted the surprised faces of the remaining Friendly Four.

"Well look what the rat dragged in!" Nega-Quackerjack laughed, shaking Darkwing's hand.

"I'm sure you'll agree – it's great to see you again!" Nega-Liquidator boomed.

With a warm smile Darkwing said his hellos and did a brief catching up with his old friends. After a bit of the facts of life and some funny anecdotes, he finally asked, "So where's Gosalyn?"

"She's at school, but she should be home any minute now. What's up Darkwing?" Nega-Bushroot asked.

"It's kinda hard to explain, but some really bizarre things have been going on."

"Such as?" Nega-Quackerjack asked.

"Let's just say my St. Canard's going off its rocker," Darkwing informed, "Have you guys been experiencing any peculiarities here?"

"Not that I can remember," Nega-Megavolt replied, frowning.

"One hundred percent guaranteed!" Nega-Liquidator added.

"What about Gosalyn though, has she been acting a little abnormal?" Darkwing pressed.

Nega-Quackerjack looked worried but told him, "Not at all, she's as fine a .2 inch yo-yo string!"

Darkwing Duck smiled half-heartedly.

"So she's completely normal, everything here's completely normal," the masked mallard murmured in a lost voice, "so it's just MY St. Canard under MY watch that's having problems."

"If anything's after you and you Gosalyn I'll knock 'em limb from limb!" Nega-Bushroot said bravely.

"Any way we could help? We still owe you big time, and you look awful tired," Nega-Megavolt asked.

"No, no, that's okay, you guys answered my questions…I'm the indomitable Darkwing Duck, I can solve this case."

"Well, okay, but if you ever need anything remember: we're just another dimension away," Nega-Quackerjack assured.

Darkwing smiled a bit m.

"Thanks fellas. I'll keep that in mind. And say hi to Gosalyn for me!"

The crime fighter waved goodbye and stepped back out into the street, feeling thoroughly dejected. He knew there hadn't been much hope to begin with, but he had still clung to the fleeting idea that someone understood his plight. And didn't think he was crazy.

Darkwing marched back to Nega-Macabre Manor, rather reluctant to return. He took a deep breath and walked inside – only to gag. He was greeted by a horrific odor, one he couldn't place. All he knew was that is smelled as bad if not worse than Gosalyn's gym bag.

Coughing a few times and wafting the air in front of him, Darkwing took in his surroundings. The deplorable conditions he had left before were now worsened by a tenfold. The entire left wall was missing as if blown away by a bomb, and the remains of the dilapidated house were burnt, charred and blackened.

The mallard's heart began to race as he stepped gingerly through the hallway. Someone had obviously been here, and it being Macabre Manor, three guesses as to who that someone was. What if she discovered the portal – or gone through it?

He finally found his way into the library. Thankfully, it looked basically the same as he left it. Darkwing could see the glowing portal on the other side of the room. Sighing with relief he headed towards it.

The faint sound of tiny footsteps suddenly echoed throughout the library. Darkwing stiffened. Those weren't his footsteps. He took a few more steps to be sure. The other pair of feet followed in suite. Darkwing whipped out his gasgun, his eyes darting left and right. Nega-Morgana must be after him, and if Negaduck was any indication, she would want to A: hurt him, or B: hurt him very badly.

"Okay Morgana, I know you're here, so in the name of the law I demand you show yourself! Wait a second – Morgana never makes footsteps. Well, that doesn't mean _this _Morgana doesn't make them now, does it Darkwing? Yeah, I guess I'm right…oh no, I'm talking to myself…" Darkwing Duck groaned.

He began walking backwards, edging ever closer to the portal, still holding out his gun.

"I'm a black belt of Quack Fu, master in every known manner of hand to hand combat, you don't want to mess with me," he bluffed, "Spelling bee champion…I'm…um…I'm very good at Parcheesi – WAAAAHHHH!"

Once again, Darkwing forgot where he was headed and accidentally fell into the portal like a sack of bricks.

* * *

Gosalyn felt as though her whole world had come to a halt. This had to be a joke, some sick joke. Still…

"But I thought you were dead," she whispered.

The voice replied eerily, _"Not as dead as you might think. I have returned, and I want to be your father once more."_

"Sorry Mister, but Dad's my dad now. I mean, you know, Drake? Mallard?"

_"Oh yes, him,"_ the voice said as if the mere thought was poison, _"but doesn't he stifle you? Suppress you? Hold back your obvious talents?"_

Gosalyn could not help but grin with flattery.

"Gee, thanks…well, he doesn't let me go out and do fun crime fighting stuff I guess."

_"But you are such an asset! Your agility, your intelligence – he's holding you back!" _the voice asserted.

Gosalyn slowly edged back to her bed and sank down.

"This is too weird…how do you know so much about me?"

"_I _am_ your father after all, I watch you from afar. I know you enjoy video games, have a love for monstrous creatures, and you have more than once become the amazing Quiverwing Quack."_

"Well I haven't been Quiverwing since – "

_"Taurus Bulba."_

"Yeah, how'd you – oh, right, watch me or whatever."

The duckling gulped. Her father – well, Darkwing – had always told her not to talk to strangers, and this was as strange as it got. She was smart. She wouldn't get involved. She'd just play along, just for kicks.

"This Taurus Bulba, what do you think of him?" 

"What do I think of him?" Gosalyn repeated in a self-important tone, "Only that he's a big ugly loser who was in a serious need of a reality check! He's gone now though, the big pushover, and I'll never have to see his stupid metal face again!"

The voice replied smoothly, _"I see…and what do you think of me?"_

Gosalyn was slightly taken aback by the blunt question.

"Of you? Well, I dunno, I haven't known you for very long, but you're nice I guess. And friendly, you're okay to talk to I think."

_"Am I trustworthy?"_

"Uh, sure," Gosalyn said with a shrug.

_"Interesting…"_

* * *

Darkwing exploded out the other end of the portal, hit the floor, and skidded to a halt.

"Weeelllll, _that_ was LOADS of help, and fun along the way too!" he ranted sarcastically, getting to his feet, "Quick Morgana, close the portal before any unwanted guests sneak through – "

"That just wouldn't do now, would it Mr. Duck?" asked a crackling old voice.

Darkwing's brow furrowed.

"Hey Morg, you might want to take some throat lozenges or something, you sound terrible…oh no. No. Please, no."

The mallard looked up to see the owner of the voice, who was none other than Moloculo Macabre.

"What are _you _doing here?!" Darkwing and Moloculo growled simultaneously.

Morgana looked crossly between the two as they glowered at each other.

Moloculo was trembling with rage as he cursed "This is the last straw mortal! Grim Reaper knows what damage you could have caused, messing with the stability of the universe like an ignorant peasant! I come over here to visit my darling daughter, only to find that she has fallen prey to your shenanigans!"

"Father calm down, please," Morgana muttered with an edge of annoyance.

Moloculo ignored her and continued, "Magic isn't a child's plaything! And you brought Gosalyn with you as well! You call yourself a father, phfft."

"Get your facts straight Herman Munster, Gosalyn's at home in her room, so there!" Darkwing retorted.

Moloculo raised an eyebrow and pointed past the crime fighter.

"If Gosalyn's at home, then just who is she?"

Darkwing followed Moloculo's gaze, turned around, and saw Gosalyn wave at him sheepishly. Make that a Gosalyn with red spiral curls, a fluffy pink dress, and shiny black shoes waved at him sheepishly.

"Gos? Dark, what's going on?" Morgana questioned hesitantly.

"_Gosalyn,_" Darkwing hissed, "_How did you get here?_"

"I – I followed you," Nega-Gosalyn whispered.

"Quick, go back through the portal sweetie, this isn't a good time!"

"But, I can't, it's closed…"

"Morgana open that portal back up!" Darkwing demanded.

Before the sorceress could say a word Moloculo objected, "No she certainly will not! You've already destroyed enough universes today. Maybe you'll learn your lesson as a walrus!"

He launched a spell at Darkwing, who quickly ducked to avoid it.

"Missed me, missed me!" Darkwing taunted childishly.

Moloculo snarled and began charging up another spell. Holding him back, Morgana said hurriedly, "We'll talk about this later Dark, just get out of here!"

Darkwing snatched Nega-Gosalyn's hand and rushed her out of the house, leaving Moloculo's fervent cries of "Walrus! WALRUS!" behind. They dashed through the front yard until they made it safely to the street.

"I thought this universe was supposed to be friendly," Nega-Gosalyn breathed, glancing back at the house reproachfully.

"Don't let him give this place a bad rep, Moloculo and the rest of the planet just don't get along very well," Darkwing grumbled, "Now, Gos, as much as I enjoy seeing you again…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"Well I saw you go in the hideout and I wanted to ask you some questions but I couldn't ask them in front of the Friendly Four so I decided to follow you and then you went through the portal and I wanted to join you!" she gushed in one breath.

Darkwing sighed.

"So _you _were the footsteps I heard…look Gos, my St. Canard's a dangerous place right now. I have to get you home, it's not safe here."

"May I just stay a little longer, please? Please Darkwing Duck?" Nega-Gosalyn pleaded sweetly.

"You're gonna have to until I can get Morgana to open the portal again. C'mon let's go home – " Darkwing faltered, "wait, we can't go home…my Gosalyn would have a field day if she saw you. Let's just go to the tower."

Though the way he referred to her counterpart as "my Gosalyn" stung slightly, Nega-Gosalyn held Darkwing's hand as they strolled down the street. The duckling gazed in awe at the pristine buildings and breathed in the fresh, pure air. As much as she loved her home and the Friendly Four, this place was a veritable Eden.

"So uh, lay some of those questions of yours on me kiddo," Darkwing said conversationally.

Taking a deep breath, Nega-Gosalyn asked quietly, "Well, I was just wondering for the longest time, what happened after…after you left? After you jumped in the cake?"

"Whoa, that's a pretty loaded question there…all right, after I jumped in the cake, I chased Negaduck through the portal. There was an itsy bitsy little accident with the universal plug, and the portal collapsed. I, being the clever conqueror I am, managed to escape, but Negaduck got whisked into oblivion."

Nega-Gosalyn gasped silently and brought a terrified hand to her mouth. Darkwing didn't notice, and continued, "I don't know how in the world the darned cuss got back out, next thing I know he's mercilessly terrorizing the populace – "

"You mean Negaduck's here? Alive?" Nega-Gosalyn cut in, her face lifting.

"Yes, unfortunately."

"That's so wonderful! He's alive! I can't believe it!" the duckling cried joyously.

Darkwing frowned and shook his head.

"I wouldn't get too excited if I were you, it's Negaduck we're talking about here. I mean just last week he tried to…oh, I can't say it…those poor bunnies…"

"But, living in this beautiful world _must _have changed him, I know it!" Nega-Gosalyn asserted.

"Sorry Gos, if anything it made him worse. He's a dastardly degenerate, a craven criminal, an antisocial aberrant, an iniquitous…"

Darkwing's babbling fell on deaf ears. Nega-Gosalyn refused to believe any of it until she saw him for herself.

* * *

"It's not my fault you landed on Mallard Gardens! I've got five hotels on it, so pay up!"

Bushroot begrudgingly shoved the fake money into Quackerjack's hands.

"Thanks Bushbum…c'mon Megs, role the dice it's your turn!"

"Oh sorry, I forgot…ooh, snake eyes, I get one of those card things!"

Quackerjack picked up the card and read it aloud.

"Go to jail. Go directly to jail – "

"Jail? No problem, as long as I get the top bunk."

" – Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars."

"WHAT?!" Megavolt roared, "WHY NOT?!"

Quackerjack grinned and said, "It's the rules Sparky. Now move your little metal hat butt to jail!"

Megavolt grumbled "Don't call me Sparky" sourly and moved his game piece to the appropriate square.

With a roll of the dice, Quackerjack declared smugly, "I on the other hand shall gladly pass go and gladly collect my two hundred dollars. Liquidator, the dough please?"

"We are sorry to announce that the bank is completely out of hundred dollar bills," the watery villain answered.

"What? That's impossible…" Quackerjack retorted. Just then the jester noticed Liquidator's suspiciously high pile of hundreds.

"Liquidator! You've been embezzling, embezzler! I _knew_ we shouldn't have made you the banker!"

"I did not embezzle!" Liquidator objected.

"The dog of water lies!" Mr. Banana Brain proclaimed.

"Liar liar pants on fire!" Quackerjack added.

"The survey says that you should SHUT UP!" Liquidator growled.

"Jail break! Jail break!" Megavolt screamed as he prodded his tiny metal game piece out of jail.

The pandemonium came to an abrupt halt when suddenly the door slammed open with such force that plaster broke free from the ceiling and rained upon the Fearsome Four's heads. Three Doberman bounded into the room, snarling and snapping until they saw Bushroot.

As the hounds gleefully sniffed the disgusted plant-duck, Negaduck stormed into the room. One heated look from beneath the red fedora sent shivers up the villains' spines. They quickly scooted out of the way as Negaduck stomped past them and headed for the window. They watched silently as he stared out into the street, his nails digging into the wooden sill, his teeth bared.

"I haven't seen him this mad since he was summoned for jury duty," Quackerjack whispered to Megavolt.

"What do we do?" Megavolt whispered back.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do Sparky," Negaduck answered to genuinely surprised Megavolt, "We've got a mission tonight. Get ready."

There was silence until Megavolt asked timidly, "W-what mission?"

Negaduck heaved the window shut so hard that the glass panes shattered. The Fearsome Four jumped involuntarily. He stared at them intensely, the red light of the evening sunset reflecting off of his face, giving it an almost hellish appearance.

"We're hunting down Mr. Damned Goody Two-shoes himself. The terror that wastes space in the night. Bring him to me – alive."

NOTE: Yeah, long chapter I know, but if you read the whole thing you have my eternal gratitude.


	6. A Jolly Old Time

﻿ 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Too bad so sad.

Again, kickin' reviews people! Thank you so much!

"Wow Darkwing Duck, this is beautiful!"

Nega-Gosalyn's voice echoed in the wide expanse of Darkwing Tower.

"Beautiful? Ya really think so?" Darkwing asked, now admiring his hideout with new eyes.

With a small nod and a smile, Nega-Gosalyn took in her surroundings. The tower was no longer the veritable death chamber Negaduck had warped his into, but an amazing room of top secret weapons and fun-looking gadgets.

"I'm going to call home to check up on Gosalyn – er, this Gosalyn, okay Gosalyn?" Darkwing said awkwardly.

"Sure Darkwing Duck!" Nega-Gosalyn replied in a sweet voice.

The mallard headed toward the phone, but heard the soft taps of dress shoes as he did so. He turned around to see Nega-Gosalyn following him like a lost puppy. She said nor expected nothing but just simply smiled at him. Finding this a tad peculiar, Darkwing questioned, "Gos usually watches cartoons when she gets home…eh, what do you like to do?"

"Normally I start my homework, but I left it back in the Negaverse. But I don't mind cartoons. Whatever pleases you Darkwing!"

Not knowing exactly how to respond, Darkwing lead her to the television and flipped it on.

"What's that infernal show my Gos always watches…'Wacky Willy?' Yeah, that's it…but then there's always that stupid wrestling…what would you like to watch kiddo?"

"You may choose."

"No that's okay, your choice."

"No no, I insist that you choose."

"Of course not, it's entirely up to you."

"I don't mind, have your choice."

Darkwing blinked while Nega-Gosalyn giggled. Smirking slightly the crime fighter suggested, "How about some good ol' fashioned channel surfing?"

He skipped through the channels until finally landing on "Pelican's Island."

"Jeez, is this always on? Hey, looks like they're finally gonna get off the island – "

Before he could switch the channel a loud voice cut in –

"_We interrupt your current program for this important announcement._"

"What, Tom Lockjaw got a new toupee?" Darkwing mocked.

"_Good evening fine citizens of St. Canard!_" came a raspy, familiar voice.

Nega-Gosalyn gasped in shock and Darkwing nearly dropped the remote as Negaduck's face appeared on the screen.

"_Negaduck here with this week's crime threat. This one's a special dedication to everyone's favorite mistake, Darkwing Yuck._"

"That's Darkwing DUCK!" the mallard growled, leaning close to the televison.

Negaduck played the camera overdramatically as he announced, "_Since you've got a snowball's chance in hell of catching me, I'm giving you a little head's up on my whereabouts tonight. In other words – listen up ya moronic purple yutz!_"

"Aw that was cute," Darkwing muttered sarcastically.

"_When you see what I plan on accomplishing tonight, it'll send you straight through the _ROOF," Negaduck hissed, placing an odd emphasis on the word 'roof', "_I'm _BANK_ing on you picking up on the obvious hints I'm leaving you. In fact, this may be my _FIRST, NATIONAL,_ broadcast. Can't wait to meet and beat you Darkding ol' pal. We now return to your regularly scheduled program. Losers._"

Negaduck's smug grin disappeared and was replaced by the Skipper and Little Buddy.

"Obvious hints? What obvious hints?!" Darkwing cried.

Nega-Gosalyn frowned.

"Um, what about the way he said first national? And bank, and roof?"

Darkwing didn't hear her, and instead began pacing.

"However…I _did _notice the miniscule blotch of taronga plant pollen on his shirt collar. Taronga plants are only indigenous to the south of Botswana!"

Nega-Gosalyn tugged his cape lightly and said, "Excuse me Darkwing Duck, I don't mean to be rude, but I believe Negaduck is going to be on the roof of the First National Ba – "

Unfazed, Darkwing continued, "BUT, I know for a fact that the director of the St. Canard First National Bank has a fetish for these fantastic flora. He keeps them next to the entrance of the stairwell _that leads straight to the roof!_ Negaduck must've stopped by earlier today to scope the place out, THEREFORE brushing against the taronga plant and receiving that blotch on his collar! AHA! Boy, am I a genius or what?"

Nega-Gosalyn stifled another giggle and agreed, "Yes, you sure are."

"Okay, I've gotta call LP and tell him I'll meet him on the Ratcatcher. Be a good girl Gos – heck, I don't have to tell you that," Darkwing said, patting her shoulder affectionately, "And don't worry, nobody knows about Darkwing Tower. You'll be safe and sound. By the end of the night Negaduck will be behind bars. Again."

With that the masked mallard leapt onto the Ratcatcher and zoomed down the heavy steel cable, already dialing Launchpad via the onboard computer. Nega-Gosalyn sighed as she watched him leave. The tower seemed strangely cold and empty without his presence. Nagging her the most however, was the fact that he was going to see Negaduck.

The duckling refused to believe Darkwing's declaration of her former guardian's malevolence. After all, the two mallards shared the same tendency to exaggerate. For months Negaduck had told her nothing but completely heinous things about Darkwing; how horrible he was, how ugly his cape was, all of which she learned were false. Darkwing was guilty too – always pointing out his opposite's negative attributes and never the positive that Nega-Gosalyn knew existed. They each had their faults. But given the strange circumstances, for every positive there was a negative, and vice versa. They were equal in their own twisted way, and it seemed only she was capable of seeing that.

The redhead subconsciously reached down and felt the hard object hidden in her pocket. It was a secret. One that she hadn't told anyone about. Not Nega-Tank, not even the Friendly Four. It was a gift she had intended for someone in particular, and now that she knew that someone was alive and kicking…

Nega-Gosalyn suddenly felt her foot bump against something on the floor. She looked down and saw Darkwing's buzz saw cufflinks, apparently forgotten.

"Oh dear," she murmured, picking them up, "Darkwing probably needs these."

She looked longingly out the tower window and into the night sky. She would have no problem getting off the bridge, she had done it a dozen times back in the Negaverse…but Darkwing had implied that she stayed here. And he trusted her. However, he must need his cufflinks, and it would give her an excuse to see her _true_ guardian…

Surprised at her own rebelliousness, Nega-Gosalyn creapt out of Darkwing Tower.

* * *

Darkwing swung the Ratcatcher onto Avian Way. He had to think up a darn good story as to why Launchpad couldn't just take a spin on the blue chairs and meet him at the tower. 

"Gee LP, I'm hiding my daughter from another universe in the tower and I didn't want you to see her just yet. How'd I meet her? Oh, just fell into a birthday cake!" Darkwing mused, "Yeah, like that would work."

He had to think of something good…something…something…

Darkwing's eyelids began to droop as the Ratcatcher's engine lulled him to sleep.

_Thunk!_

Darkwing awoke suddenly.

"What the…" he babbled as he blinked the dreariness out of his eyes.

He looked behind him and noticed the road kill that had up until just now been a squirrel.

"Oopsie."

Darkwing pulled up to 537 Avian Way, glad that his sidekick would never have to know that he had just fallen asleep at the wheel.

* * *

Negaduck strode through the dark lobby of the St. Canard First National Bank, a mixture of confidence and fury on his face. The terrified security guards watched helplessly from the corner where they sat bound and gagged. Negaduck's elongated shadow floated over them like a black, silent death. 

The Fearsome Four followed their leader nervously.

"So…" Quackerjack began, choosing his words wisely, "do you think the Darkwimp'll pick up on your hints boss?"

"Are you kidding? That was just to make him look bad."

"Then how's he supposed to find us?"

"Simple. I put some taronga plant pollen on my shirt. If that doesn't catch his attention nothing will."

"Uh, sure, whatever you say," Quackerjack muttered as he and Megavolt exchanged quizzical looks.

"A taronga plant," Bushroot sighed dreamily.

The Fearsome Five stepped out onto the roof. Quackerjack wrapped the tendrils of his hat around his face to block out the crisp night air while Liquidator began checking for frost. Negaduck crouched behind a large exhaust pipe. His fatigue gave way to pure adrenaline. He had gotten over his anger now, and revenge was the blood pulsing through his brain.

"Now w-what?" Bushroot asked.

Negaduck stared forward coldly.

"We wait."

* * *

"WATCH IT DW!" 

"Huh?"

The Ratcatcher barely missed being crushed between two oncoming trucks.

Launchpad uncovered his eyes and breathed, "You just ran a red light!"

"I did?" Darkwing asked, "Oh. Sorry."

The pilot sighed heavily.

"I'm not kidding Darkwing. You NEED sleep. Pronto."

"And I'M not kidding when I say that we need to trounce the Fearsome Five!" Darkwing retorted.

The crime fighter came to halt a block away from the St. Canard First National Bank.

Darkwing hopped off his bike and said, "Ok LP, you handle the Fearsome Four while I take care of Negaduck. I have special gas cartridges from SHUSH that should have that delusional duck _crying _for mercy, if you catch my drift. Then I'll heroically help you finish off the rest of those felons. Got it?"

"Got it, I guess."

"Good. Then let's get dangerous!"

* * *

With no visible companion to converse with, Gosalyn had settled with staring at the ceiling as she chatted with "Mr. Waddlemeyer." 

"So then I made Tank laugh so hard that chunks of pineapple totally came out his nose!" she exclaimed.

Mr. Waddlemeyer chuckled.

_"Ha ha, you are a very funny little girl. What about this Drake Mallard? Does he think you are funny?"_

Gosalyn shrugged and replied casually, "Sometimes I guess. It kinda depends on what I do. Like two weeks ago I _accidentally_ set a small fire in his closet – okay, a big fire – and he didn't think that was funny. Nope, didn't think that was very funny at all…"

_"Now see, I find your antics highly amusing. You are only a child once, and a true father would appreciate their daughter's active mind."_

"Heh, thanks."

_"What about the beasts you fancy so much? Does Drake Mallard find those amusing?"_

"Eh, no, he thinks they're warping my fragile mind or something."

_"What is your latest creature?"_ Mr. Waddlemeyer prodded.

"Spine Snapper, the two-headed bird of prey," Gosalyn replied, "He's this huge zombie bird that makes this bloodcurdling screech and breaks spines and cool stuff like that!"

_"Excellent. I have a question for you."_

"What's that?"

_"Would you like to _be _Spine Snapper for a little while?"_

"Keen gear, would I?! That'd be so epic, sign me up!" the duckling gushed.

_"Okay then, I need you to lay back and relax, and just concentrate very hard on your Spine Snapper. I'll do the rest. Concentrate my dear, concentrate."_

Gosalyn scrunched her face in concentration, squeezing her eyes shut. She tried to picture the gnarled beaks, the blood red eyes, the deadly talons…she felt so groggy…she was drifting to sleep…

* * *

A loud _snore _echoed through the night. 

"Wake up Megavolt!" Quackerjack hissed and smacked his friend upside the head.

"E equals MC squared!" blurted a startled Megavolt.

Liquidator flexed his muscles nervously.

"The _LIQ_idator's going to frost over soon!" he announced.

"It's early September, shut yer yap!" Negaduck growled.

"This is so boring!" Bushroot whined, "When's that duck going to show up?"

Negaduck counted down casually, "Five…four…three…two…"

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

A smug grin formed on Negaduck's face.

"I am the crashed hard drive that deletes all of your files! I, am Darkwing Duck!"

"Tell me Fartwing, which did your finely tuned senses pick up first – the pollen I put on my jacket or the fact that I said 'first' 'national' and 'bank' loud for all to hear?" Negaduck asked snidely.

Darkwing's brow furrowed.

"Nevermind," Negaduck snarled, "Sick 'em boys!"

Too afraid of displeasing their boss, the Fearsome Four reacted hastily. Instead of an electrifying zap or a vicious vine whip, the super villains merely lunged at Darkwing and Launchpad.

"No – what do you think you're doing?!" Negaduck bellowed.

The two heroes easily sidestepped out of the way, and the Fearsome Four landed in a heap.

"_That_ worked like a charm," Megavolt grumbled as his teammates tried to untangle themselves.

Darkwing Duck grinned at Launchpad.

"Doesn't look like you'll have much a problem pal. I'll help you as soon as I'm done kicking some Nega-tail feathers!"

He spun around, only to barely miss the angry swing of Negaduck's fist.

"No one likes a sucker shot Negajerk!" he snapped.

As he glowered at his opponent, Darkwing couldn't help but notice the slump in his shoulders and his bloodshot eyes.

"Seems like you missed your nap," he jeered.

Negaduck retorted, "You don't look so bright eyed and bushy tailed yourself Doofwing. Now do me a favor and don't make too much of a mess as I pound your face in!"

The villain growled and charged at Darkwing, who struggled to deflect his attack.

"What're you so mad at me for all of the sudden?!" the masked mallard shrieked.

"It's all your fault!" Negaduck roared.

"What is?!"

"Everything!"

"Oh yeah I'm sure."

"I used to go from here to the Negaverse whenever I felt like it," Negaduck seethed, "but then you came along, Mr. I-Pull-Universal-Plugs-Whenever-I-Damn-Well-Please, and screwed everything up! You made me sink so low as to go ask your creepy girlfriend to open it up for me! I tried everything – schmoosing, bribery, the works – and she STILL wouldn't open the portal!"

Darkwing clenched his fists.

"You went to Morgana's?!"

"What did you think all that chocolate and perfume crap was for? A WEDDING?!"

"Well, I dunno…never you mind! The point here is that you and villainous wiles upset Morgana!"

"Eh, I don't think that's what upset her. I was a little annoyed and told her I'd hunt your blood for revenge," Negaduck mused offhandedly.

"THAT'S IT!" Darkwing bellowed.

The two mallards readied themselves for another brawl. Before either one could lift a finger, an ear-piecing squawk resonated throughout the night. The cry was so shrill that pain thundered in their eardrums, and the two quickly covered their ears.

Squinting and gritting his teeth, Negaduck screamed, "What in Satan's name is that racket?!"

"I have no idea!" Darkwing screamed back.

The night had been relatively silent for Launchpad and the Fearsome Four, save for the sound of their own scuffling, but now they could only stare as Darkwing and Negaduck covered their ears and screamed at each other.

"I must be going deaf – oh no, I'm getting old!" Megavolt wailed, sticking a finger in his ear.

"I don't know about you fellas but I don't hear anything," Launchpad commented.

"Nope, looks like the two caped kooks are a few French fries short of a Quacky Meal," Quackerjack added amidst the screaming.

Darkwing pressed his hands harder against his ears, trying desperately to block out the sound.

"I sense a massive migraine on the rise," he moaned.

Negaduck looked left and right. Where was that annoying noise coming from?

Suddenly a strange movement caught the corner of his eye. From the edge of the building rose a giant, black creature. A bird, from the looks of its long, scraggly wings. The villain stepped back, taking in its size. He and Darkwing could easily jump on its back with room to spare.

The bird lowered its great head, its vicious beak inches from Negaduck's own. One fiery red eye seemed to burn into him as it scrutinized his every detail.

The creature shifted, now staring at him with a second eye, and a third, and a fourth –

Negaduck shook his head in disbelief. Four eyes? That must mean…

Two heads. The bird had two heads.

Negaduck simply gaped, too stunned for words. Darkwing, completely oblivious to the monstrous creature, was backing towards Negaduck in a cautious manner when they collided.

"Hey Negs, the noise stopped, did you figure out what the heck's going on yet?" he asked.

Negaduck tapped his shoulder weakly.

"What?!" Darkwing snapped, then noticed his opposite's open-mouthed expression. Negaduck pointed wordlessly and Darkwing followed his gesture to the two fiendish heads. The crime fighter paled beneath his mask.

"_Oh,_" he squeaked.

The two mallards barely had time to duck as the bird snapped for their throats. They yelped simultaneously and sprinted in the opposite direction. The bird took flight with a warlike shriek and tore after its prey.

"Duck!" Darkwing screamed as the huge creature swooped towards them.

"Do you think you're being funny?" Negaduck asked pointedly.

Darkwing shook his head desperately.

"No! Duck, like a verb, like, GET DOWN NOW!"

"Oh – YIKES!"

They both dropped, hitting the floor hard, and the bird's talons missed their heads by inches.

Darkwing glared at Negaduck and snapped, "You're so stupid."

"What?!"

"_Do you think you're being funny?_" the crime fighter mocked.

Negaduck growled.

"Well it shouldn't come as any surprise to you that you're a complete and utter f – AAAHHH!"

The two rolled out of the way before the creature crashed down between them.

Negaduck looked up and roared to the Fearsome Four, "Get your lazy asses over here and help me!"

The villains frowned. Not again.

"Help you with _what?_" Bushroot asked, exasperated.

"You've got to be freaking kidding me," Negaduck grumbled.

"What? They don't see the huge, terrifying bird of death trying to peck our eyes out?!" Darkwing cried, "Launchpad, tell me you see this thing!"

"I, er, well…I see _you_, I see Negaduck, and…that's about it," he replied.

The pilot had to admit it was a truly bizarre sight. As far as he knew, there was nothing to be seen, but Darkwing and Negaduck dropped, dodged, and screamed in sync with one another.

As Darkwing became more frantic, Launchpad became more worried. He wanted to aid his best friend more than anything, but he was helpless. They both were.

* * *

Gosalyn Mallard jolted awake. She felt cold and clammy, like she had just gotten over a nasty bout of the flu. 

_"What happened? Why did you stop?"_ Mr. Waddlemeyer questioned desperately.

"I…I…I was Spine Snapper…and I was on this roof, chasing Negaduck and Dad…but then all the sudden I was going straight for Dad like I was gonna hurt him or eat him or something…he looked scared…" Gosalyn murmured weakly.

The duckling gulped and looked at the ceiling as if staring into her companion's invisible face.

"Was that real?"

_"Of course not dear, it was just a nightmare."_

* * *

Swiftly the gigantic bird reared back, hovering directly above Darkwing Duck. Its red eyes narrowed menacingly while Darkwing's blue eyes widened nervously. He gulped. This was _so_ not good. 

The bird plunged downward. For his throat. For his life. Darkwing mind was screaming at him to move, but all at once he found his reflexes dulled from sheer exhaustion –

And that was when the unthinkable happened. The bird simply disappeared. Vanished into thin air, literally. Darkwing blinked in surprise. Negaduck cocked his head, not sure whether to be relieved that the beast was gone or to be angry that his opposite was not impaled.

"That was…fortunate," the crime fighter stuttered, "Weird, but fortunate."

Negaduck's brain switched gears rapidly, now noticing it was the perfect time to catch his nemesis off guard. He rushed forward, ready to land him a crushing blow –

"Suck gas, evildoer!"

Okay, so maybe Darkwing wasn't as off guard as he looked. Themasked mallard had whipped around and fired a gas capsule directly into Negaduck's face. The force knocked the villain right onto his tail feathers as he coughed and gagged in the smoke.

"That was – ACK – my face you imbecile," Negaduck choked.

"HA!" Darkwing laughed, blowing the smoke off his gas gun casually, "Did you see that LP? That was one of SHUSH's new extra-powerful tear gas cartridges. Now good ol' Negs is gonna be nothing but a sobbing, sniffling…huh?"

On the contrary, Negaduck's beak twisted into a dopey grin before –

"AHA HA HA, HA HA HA HA!"

– he burst into uproarious laughter.

"Uh, isn't tear gas supposed to have, um, tears?" Launchpad asked innocently.

Darkwing slapped his forehead and cried, "Oh no, I must've put in the laughing gas by mistake! This stuff is supposed to cause a complete personality change – Negaduck's gonna be worse than Winky the Clown!"

Negaduck's eyes became alight with unbridled humor as the gas took effect.

"Tee hee, you said 'Winky,' hee hee!" he giggled, "I wish my name was Winky!"

"N-Negaduck?" Bushroot stuttered.

Suddenly the black-masked mallard gasped in shock.

"Tell me the gas is wearing off," Darkwing pleaded.

Shaking his head, Negaduck hissed, "No, but I've got a secret to tell you…"

The villain leaned close to Darkwing so no one else could hear.

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

Darkwing, unnerved by his behavior, simply nodded.

Negaduck took a few furtive glances over his shoulder before whispering in Darkwing's ear, "Okay, the secret is…I'm not wearing any pants."

There was a moment's pause before Negaduck broke into a fit of hysterical laughter. Darkwing groaned and rolled his eyes. Soon Negaduck was laughing so hard his knees gave way and he had to hold onto his twin for support.

His chuckling stopped abruptly and he breathed in awe, "No. Way."

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Darkwing muttered.

Negaduck gawked at him and said, "You're not wearing any pants either…AHA HA HA!"

* * *

Nega-Gosalyn creapt up the dark stairway of the St. Canard First National Bank. She had heard a great deal of shouting as she approached the roof – she could only hope everyone was all right. 

She tiptoed through the doorway and onto the roof. A quick scan of the area caused her heart to leap into her throat. It couldn't be…but it was…

It was the absolute last sight she had ever expected to see: Negaduck was clinging to Darkwing, his shoulders quaking with laughter, smiling and chattering like an old high school friend. This was almost too good to be true. For once, her highest hopes had not been dashed. This beautiful new world really _had_ changed him!

"Negaduck! Over here!" Nega-Gosalyn called, jumping up and down excitedly.

Darkwing looked up and gasped.

"Gosalyn what're you doing here?!"

"I just wanted to see – AAAHH!"

The duckling's traction-less dress shoes slid on the brick overhang. In an instant she had disappeared over the edge of the building.

"NO!" Darkwing screamed, throwing the jolly Negaduck off of him and dashing to where Nega-Gosalyn had fallen.

"Wait up pal!" Negaduck yelled.

The Fearsome Four watched their leader slack jawed as he literally skipped after Darkwing.

The crime fighter leaned over the edge desperately. If anything happened to her…he couldn't even bring himself to think about it. Miraculously, he saw her dangling by her fingertips from a window ledge two stories down.

She looked up at him and pleaded in a frightened voice, "Help me!"

"Hang in there sweetie! Oops, poor word choice…bah, who cares, I'll save you!" Darkwing assured.

He pulled out his gas gun from beneath his jacket and felt around for his grappling hook…which was regrettably missing.

"Dah! Where is my grappling hook?! No hero would be caught dead without a grappling hook!" Darkwing cried.

"Maybe you left it in your other pants," Quackerjack suggested, producing snickers from the rest of the Four.

Darkwing glared at him.

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"Don't worry, I'll save the little girl!" Negaduck piped up, still grinning like mad.

"Negaduck stop, you don't know what you're doing – "

Completely ignorant to Darkwing, and the Law of Gravity for that matter, Negaduck stepped off the edge of the building. In a rather bizarre chain of events, Negaduck fell and crashed into Nega-Gosalyn. They plummeted until Negaduck's cape caught on the building's flagstaff. The staff bent, then sprang back to its original position, launching them back up onto the roof.

Negaduck sat up and looked around, whistling excitedly.

"Golly that sure was fun – let's do it again!" he cheered.

Nega-Gosalyn gasped, "You saved me!"

His would be daughter analyzed him carefully. He didn't appear as though he had received a bump on the head or anything. He looked back at her with a wide grin. Not the normal, I-have-or-am-about-to-cause-someone-severe-injury grin, but an honest, lighthearted, cheerful one. It made him seem ten years younger, but more importantly, made her seem as if she meant the world to him.

"Are…are you really happy to see…_me?_" Nega-Gosalyn questioned cautiously.

"Of course I am, who wouldn't be?" Negaduck stated, entirely unaware of whom he was speaking to.

Tears flooded her eyes and she was hardly able to contain her joy as Nega-Gosalyn leapt forward and hugged him tightly. Negaduck hugged her back with an "Aw how thoughtful!" and continued to whistle. The duckling closed her eyes and sighed contently, reveling in the physical warmth he had never provided her.

Negaduck blinked and his whistling slowly ended. The gas was dissipating in his system and his dulled senses began to return to normal.

"What the…ew, am I _hugging _someone?" he whispered to himself in disbelief.

The villain drew back to see the perpetrator of the unwarranted invasion of his personal space. Negaduck's entire body stiffened and his countenance went blank as he stared into Nega-Gosalyn's beaming face.

"_You,_" he breathed.

What was going on…what was she doing…_how did she get here…_

"Wow Negs, how'd you manage to pull that one off?" asked a familiar voice.

Negaduck looked up at Darkwing's bewildered face and grinned venomously. In his arms was someone that Darkwing wanted, someone that had to have found some way to get from the _Negaverse_ to _here_.

Realization hit Darkwing as he eyed Negaduck's grin.

"Unhand her you wretched wrongdoer!" he demanded.

"I don't think so," Negaduck said, then his eyes widened, "look out, behind you!"

Darkwing let out a loud, scoffing laugh.

"HA! I wasn't born yesterday Negachuck, you're gonna have to do better than – OOMPH!"

The next thing he knew he was pinned to the ground as the Fearsome Four tackled him from behind. Negaduck smirked triumphantly and got to his feet.

"Come on kid," he hissed, pulling Nega-Gosalyn behind him as he made a beeline for the exit.

Launchpad tried to pry the villains off of his partner as they scuffled, but Darkwing had a _bright _idea.

"Hey you guys, stop it! You're crushing the light bulbs in my pockets!"

"What?!" Megavolt shrieked, horrorstruck, "Everybody get off! Get off get off get off!"

As the rodent zapped others who didn't comply, Darkwing and Launchpad left in hot pursuit.

"He was lying you dolt!" Quackerjack criticized after the chaos had ended.

"You can never be too careful!" Megavolt retaliated.

* * *

Darkwing burst out of the bank with Launchpad hot on his tail. 

"Where'd he go DW? And was that Gos that was with him? Ya know I'm really confused – "

The sound of a roaring motorcycle engine caught Darkwing's ear. He looked to his left to see Negaduck cruising out of an alleyway.

"He's headed onto Cummings Boulevard. Quick, to the Ratcatcher!" the masked mallard announced.

Moments later the two swerved onto the road, passing cars left and right.

"Let's get this show off the road Negaduck!" he bellowed.

Negaduck glanced at the purple blur in his rearview mirror.

"Crap," he muttered, then veered into the opposing land of traffic. If he did it once, he could do it again. Nega-Gosalyn gasped and shut her eyes, clutching his jacket for all her life.

Darkwing screeched, "What're you, nuts?! That was a stupid question…"

Suddenly his vision began to cloud. His eyelids felt leaden as dizziness overcame him…he was so exhausted…

Launchpad gripped the dashboard of his tiny sidecar.

"Hurry DW, he's getting away! DW?"

The pilot looked up. His partner looked positively ill. To his horror, Darkwing Duck groaned softly, then slumped lifelessly over the handlebars.

"DARKWING!"

NOTE: Hopefully this chapter cleared a few things up, or possibly it just confused you more than you already were. It was a mother to write nonetheless, so any comments, questions, concerns, you know where to send 'em.


	7. Playing With Fire

Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, I just write about 'em.

Long chapter to make up for a long hiatus. Again folks, the reviews are GREAT. Thanks everyone!

_BAM!!!_

Negaduck kicked open the door to his hideout, ignoring the shower of plaster which followed. The three Doberman roused from their slumber and instantly began slobbering and snarling. They passed by Negaduck timidly and continued to the small duckling behind him.

Nega-Gosalyn stepped back fearfully as the glistening fangs moved closer. She stretched out a shaky hand, but stole it away quickly when the largest dog took a snap at it.

"Back, ya stupid mutts! BACK!" Negaduck yelled in a bark much worse than that of his hounds'.

The dogs slunk away into the darkness. Negaduck grumbled unmentionables to himself while Nega-Gosalyn frowned. What had happened to the happy, smiling Negaduck?

"Back by popular demand, we're finally here!"

"We would've been here sooner if Sparky could've remembered where he parked the car!"

"I didn't see YOU leading us right to the spot Chuckles! And if you call me Sparky _one more time – _"

"Don't you guys ever quit yelling? You even making my _roots _hurt."

Nega-Gosalyn's eyes lit up as the Fearsome Four made their presence known. Without thinking she dashed over to them and exclaimed with a wide grin, "Hi guys!"

She then hugged the closest member, who happened to be Megavolt.

The rodent scratched his head. Who was this kid – and why the heck was she hugging him?! He looked to Quackerjack for help but the jester only burst into scorning laughter.

"Gee Megs, who knew you were so popular with the ladies?"

"Shut up!"

Megavolt shot a bolt of electricity at Quackerjack, who literally danced out of the way. With a gasp Nega-Gosalyn pulled back. Suddenly she felt very foolish.

"Oh my gosh, I have completely forgotten! Over here they must be bad guys!" she whispered to herself.

"We're bad guys?" Megavolt blurted in amazement.

The rest of the Four nodded.

"Oh yeah. Heh, I forgot too," he chuckled.

Negaduck rolled his eyes.

"Back, ya stupid knobs, back!" he barked.

Looking slightly dejected the Fearsome Four slunk into the darkness and joined the dogs. Nega-Gosalyn watched them with a forlorn face. She was beginning to realize how much she loved the Friendly Four.

But she must put them behind her, she must. She had her real guardian back, and he was reformed, supposedly. Shifting her gaze upward to meet his, Nega-Gosalyn admired him with childlike innocence.

Negaduck looked back at her, but his stare was far from innocent. His scheming brain was working at a furious pace. What had he done on the roof that made her appeal to him like she was? For some odd reason he could not push the thought of 'pants' from his mind…or maybe lack thereof…bah, whatever, it didn't matter.

The black-masked mallard cleared his throat and began, "You've got a buncha questions worth answering here kid."

"Anything, just ask," Nega-Gosalyn replied.

"I see…how about enlightening me on how you managed to get here in Darkwing's neck of the woods from back home?"

The duckling swallowed. On their walk to the tower Darkwing Duck had told her many things, one of which being to never tell anyone about the Negaverse. And never, under any circumstances, tell Negaduck how to get there.

"Well…um…" she sputtered.

Negaduck took an aggressive step towards her. His black mask seemed unusually intimidating.

"Spill it! How'd you get here, how do we get back home?!"

"I – I can't tell you."

Negaduck's eyebrows raised. Obviously, the "scare it outta 'em" tactic wouldn't be as effective here as it was with the Fearsome Four.

"And you can't tell me because…" he trailed off.

His theoretical protégé looked at the floor in guilt and whispered, "Darkwing told me not to."

Negaduck made a sort of strangled cry and yanked on the edges of his hat. The redhead frowned, practically feeling the heat of his steadily increasing blood temperature.

"But you still care about me right? You said so on the roof, remember?" she asked hurriedly.

The red fedora remained slightly crinkled from where Negaduck's nails had dug into it. He stared at her with a blank face. The memories were running a marathon in his head. The smile, the laugh, the hug…

Ha, she really thought he loved her! Man, wait until she found out that he really…wait a minute. Nega-Gosalyn possessed the one thing he truly wanted – the key to the Negaverse. The real Negaduck could never pry that information from her, but a false Negaduck held a proverbial crowbar. She was a child, easily to manipulate. Well, maybe not as easy to manipulate as Darkwing, but still easy. Her emotions were on strings and he was the puppet master. If he played his cards right, he could win her over and gain her valuable trust.

Negaduck fought to suppress a bout of maniacal laughter and settled for the grin of a hungry cat promising a cornered mouse some cheese.

"Of _course_ I care about you," he lied silkily, "I just never knew how much until I was trapped here without you."

Nega-Gosalyn gave him an uneasy smile. Something deep down in her gut told her not to trust him…but she wanted to _so_ badly…

Unable to restrain herself, Nega-Gosalyn leapt forward and wrapped her tiny arms around his waist. Negaduck ground his teeth and clutched his beak. That was thing he had almost forgotten about her: she liked to hug. A lot. This was going to take some getting used to.

"_Okay. Enough,_" Negaduck said in a tight voice.

The duckling released him, her face glowing.

The mallard readjusted his ruffled jacket lapels. This pretending to be a loving father business was going to be tougher than he thought. And it wasn't going to be any easier living on a day and a half without sleep.

The weary springs protested under his weight as Negaduck sank onto the threadbare couch. His eyelids were sagging and it was abnormally difficult to keep his head up.

Nega-Gosalyn asked excitedly, "So, what do we do first?"

Her so-called father yawned.

"We take a nap," he responded, snoring before his head hit the cushions.

* * *

"Is he awake yet?" Morgana asked quietly. 

Launchpad eyed the purple clad mallard hesitantly and replied, "Er, not really…"

"No Gosalyn…take the Chihuahua out of the casserole…" Darkwing Duck moaned in his sleep.

Launchpad had been keeping watch of his friend from the blue chairs while Morgana paced back and forth in thought. The crime fighter was laid out on the worn couch in his living room, still out cold from the night before. He grunted suddenly and slid his fingers beneath his mask to rub his eyes.

"What's going on…where's the Fearsome Five? Did we get 'em?" he asked, getting wider awake by the second.

"Sorry DW, they got away," Launchpad informed.

Darkwing felt himself filling with anger, both at himself and at his sidekick.

"How could you let them get away?!" Darkwing demanded of Launchpad as he pushed himself upright, "I did the tough part, handling Negaduck! All you had to do was crunch his craven cronies – "

The pilot looked hurt, but Morgana interjected furiously, "Don't you dare blame Launchpad for anything! If it weren't for him you would've been killed!"

"What are you talking about?!" Darkwing cried, looking at the sorceress as if she had three beaks.

"Ya passed out on the Ratcatcher," Launchpad reminded him quietly.

"I told you that you needed to sleep, but did you listen to me? Of course not! You think you're invincible – that the rest of your body is as hard as your head!" Morgana snapped.

"I never said I'm invincible, just undefeatable!" Darkwing asserted.

Morgana shook her head.

"Who was that little girl?" Launchpad asked his partner, "She looked exactly like Gos, but I didn't think pink dresses were really her style…"

The mallard's eyes darted about the room, noticing for the first time the conspicuous absence of his daughter.

"Gosalyn, where is – she left the house, didn't she?! She probably missed school to boot! I _knew_ it, now I'm probably going to have to make bail again – "

"Launchpad made sure Gosalyn went to school this morning, and now she's safely in her room, I _checked_," Morgana cut in pointedly, "but quit trying to change the subject. Who was that girl? Did she have something to do with that Negaverse?"

"The what-verse?" Launchpad blurted.

"The Not-Worth-Mentioning-verse," Darkwing said in an attempt to put an end to the subject.

Morgana raised and eyebrow and asked, "Well if it's not worth mentioning, than why did you have me open it up, hmm? Why did Negaduck want it opened up, for that matter?"

The masked mallard balled his fists at the mention of his opposite's name.

"That vile villain, I almost forgot! I found out what he did to you Morg and I was about to show him what for but then – "

"_You're changing the subject again_," Morgana reminded him through clenched teeth.

"Oh, well _sooorrry_…what was the subject again?"

"The Negaverse."

"Right. The Negaverse…"

Darkwing thought quickly, trying to come up with a way to discontinue the particular conversation without making them think he was crazy…well, crazier than they already believed he was…

"I won't tell you anything about it. If you want to know more about the Negaverse, then just jump into a birthday cake like I did."

Judging by the looks on Morgana and Launchpad's faces, this was not the way to go.

"You…jumped into a…_birthday cake_?" Morgana asked hesitantly.

"Hey, where was I for that one?" Launchpad added.

Morgana sighed heavily.

"Listen Dark, you know I trust you, but lately you really haven't been making much sense…"

"C'mon, say it. You think I'm losing my marbles, don't you?" Darkwing hissed.

"No, it's not that! Well, yes, sort of…" Morgana rambled, "I mean with the Throat-Bloodier and now the cake thing…but that's it, correct? You haven't been seeing or hearing anything else out of the ordinary have you?"

"Um…no…" Darkwing lied. Launchpad gave him a meaningful look and he muttered, "Oh fine. I saw this big bird monster – I swear! But Launchpad and the Fearsome Four _claim_ to have not seen a thing, which I think is entirely preposterous – how can you miss a two-headed bird for Pete's sake?!"

Morgana's eyes widened and she pressed, "A two-headed bird? You mean the Spine Snapper?"

"Hey, yeah, now that you mention it I remember Gos bringing up that monstrosity after reading that book you gave her…that's the second time I've seen something from that _Transylvanian Beasts_ nonsense!" Darkwing said suspiciously, "Morgana, are you sure that book isn't cursed or something? No offense, but your track record isn't exactly stellar when it comes to this sorta thing."

"Why would I give Gosalyn something that's cursed?! And even if it was, YOU wouldn't be the only one to witness these apparitions – dozens of others would!" the sorceress retorted.

Darkwing Duck's eyes lit up.

"But I wasn't the only one, I can't be crazy! Negaduck saw it too!"

"So now you're comparing your sanity to _Negaduck's_?" Launchpad pointed out.

"Yes! Er, I mean no! I mean…Negaduck's nuts, but not _that _kind of nuts…why would we see the exact same thing?"

Morgana pondered this for a moment. Darkwing and Negaduck were practically identical, and now Gosalyn had a look alike as well…

A familiar question popped into her mind. Every time she had ever asked Darkwing about it he had always evaded answering, but now was as good a time as any to ask him once more.

"Dark, would this whole Negaverse thing…" the sorceress began carefully, "would it have anything to do with, um, with why you and Negaduck look so much alike?"

Darkwing slunk down into his seat, secretly vowing to never try to put anything past Morgana ever again.

* * *

"Mr. Banana Brain…oh Mr. Banana Brain…come out come out wherever you are…" 

"If he ran off, you _really _think he'd come here?"

"Keep your battery on, I'm sure he's here."

Quackerjack and Megavolt's voices echoed against the stone walls of the lighthouse as they ascended it's dizzying heights. They reached the top of the stairs and stepped into Megavolt's hideout, the floor creaking wearily.

"Aha! There you are ya little scoundrel!" Quackerjack cried joyously, rushing forward and scooping his doll off of a microwave. He turned to Megavolt and announced, "Told ya he was here."

The rodent scratched his head, looking confused.

"But, I don't get it, how'd he get here?"

"How do you think I did, Sid?" Mr. Banana Brain asked, "I walked."

Megavolt blinked.

"Hey Megs, you got anything to eat in this pigsty? I'm starved!" Quackerjack yelled from the other side of the room.

"Can't you just go to one of those Hamburger Hippopotamus places or something? Why do you always have to freeload off of me?"

Megavolt heard Quackerjack shout angrily, "I can't believe this – you have six refrigerators, but no stinkin' food!"

"The light bulbs that live in the refrigerators didn't want a bunch of leftover food rooming with them. They said it smells and would bring the property value down," the rodent muttered absently.

He made his way over to a tattered old dresser and yanked open his sock drawer. The socks he had on were wearing thin, and he hated the way his rubber boots chafed his toes. Megavolt was sifting through his various socks when his gloved hand brushed against something hard. His brow furrowed with curiosity and he picked up the unknown object.

It was one half of what had once been an ominous, jet black orb – the Devil's Eye. A brief collection of memories fluttered through his mind – terrible zombie eggmen, a huge cyborg snapping Darkwing Duck's arm like a twig, Negaduck throwing the orb at the cyborg, he and Quackerjack picking up the two halves…

Quackerjack was asking him something about how he had managed to get the refrigerators up into the lighthouse to begin with, but Megavolt was too preoccupied with this half of the Eye to answer. It looked so harmless and unassuming, no one would have guessed it had once possessed a dreadful power.

"Megavolt are you even listening to me?!" Quackerjack questioned huffily.

"Huh?" grunted Megavolt, jerking out of his reverie.

The jester lowered his gaze to the black stone in his friend's hand.

"What made you get that thing out for?"

"I dunno…"

"Oh, let me guess – you can't remember. Is that it, huh?"

"No, it's not that, I was just thinking…maybe when this Devil's Eyeball – "

"Eye."

"Yeah, when this Devil's Eye split in two, maybe it perhaps foreshadows or is symbolic of the eventual schism that will spread between close friends and teams in the near future," Megavolt mused thoughtfully.

There was a very long pause with crickets providing the background music. Quackerjack stared at him for awhile, his face expressionless, until finally –

"C'mon Megavolt, it's just a big black paperweight," he countered, then broke into a singsong voice, "Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his Christmas pie. He stuck in his thumb, pulled out a plumb, and said 'Megavolt's an idiot!' I mean, did you just come up with that drivel right now?"

"Come up with what drivel?" Megavolt asked blankly.

Quackerjack rolled his eyes, but suddenly his face stretched with a wide grin.

"Hey, who was that little creampuff who hugged you at the hideout? I simply must remember her when Christmas rolls around for that little stunt."

"How the heck should I know? But you know, she really reminded me of that one member of the Darkwing cult…"

"Oh yeah, the one who wears pigtails and kicks shins! She really _did_ look like her, now that you mention it."

"Yeah, that one. Oh, what's her name…Rosalyn?"

"No you doof, it's not Rosalyn," Quackerjack scoffed.

"I think I knew a Rosalyn in high school," Megavolt mused.

"No you didn't."

"Did so!"

"You probably don't even remember finishing high school!"

"That's funny, I really don't…"

"Oh well, maybe we can play twenty questions with Negaduck tomorrow to find out who she is – or hopscotch! We could play hopscotch!" Quackerjack said randomly, "I love hopscotch, how could you NOT love hopscotch – "

Megavolt cut in, "Hey, what if, hypothetically, that little girl is that other little girl's twin from another universe?"

There was another heavy silence before the two villains burst out laughing.

"Oh yes, of course, that _must _be it!" Quackerjack sniggered.

"Everything would be the opposite in that universe!" Megavolt continued.

"Oh oh and Negaduck would rule supreme!" the jester added.

They laughed harder.

Megavolt clutched his side as he said, "Then I guess we'd be good guys – get this, instead of the _Fearsome_ Four, we'd be the _Friendly_ Four!"

They were practically rolling on the floor now.

"And, hee hee, how would we get to said universe Megavolt?" Quackerjack asked facetiously, wiping tears out of his eyes.

"Um, let's see," Megavolt thought aloud, trying to come up with the most ridiculous method possible, "oh I know – jump into a cake!"

" – a birthday cake – "

" – in a private room – "

" – of a bakery!"

The two laughed at the absurdity of it all.

Quackerjack added amidst a fit of chuckles, "Wait wait I got it! Remember that time we threw Darkwing Duck into a cake and Negaduck got all in a tizzy?"

"No."

"C'mon, remember, '_You knobs, you've ruined _everything. _You've thrown Darkwing Duck into the Negaverse! BLARGH!_'"

"Oh yeah, his whole 'secret hideout' shebang," Megavolt remembered.

Quackerjack whispered dramatically, "Megavolt…_that_ could be the alternate universe!"

For a moment they thought their sides would split with laughter.

"Oh man this is too funny…and I bet now Negaduck wants to go back!" Megavolt giggled.

"Ha, yeah, to create more unnecessary pain and suffering!" Quackerjack returned.

Megavolt's eyes lit up.

"And he'd live in a house! With that kid! And instead of cleaning the house up for chores, she'd dirty the house up!"

"Yeah, and he'd have a sidekick like Darkwing's – "

" – and he'd live in the middle of suburbia – "

" – with goofball neighbors – "

" – AND HAVE BACKYARD BIRTHDAY PARTIES!"

The two villains found they could not go on. Their insane laughter echoed throughout the night.

* * *

He marched towards the edge like a zombie, each heavy step bringing him that much closer. The wind down below was like a mere sneeze compared to the ferocious gusts here atop St. Canard Tower. His black cape flapped frantically behind him, and though he staggered in the wind's push and pull, his hat managed to remain on his head. 

Negaduck reached the edge of the skyscaper and peered down into the vast sea of buildings and streets with cars swimming through it like schools of fish. There was nothing between him and a long, deadly plummet.

His webbed toes curled over the edge like a diving board. As he stared death in the face, his mind screamed. It was as though he was composed of two beings – one was miles away, shrieking fruitlessly for the other one to step away from the edge. Negaduck wanted to run as far as possible, to be safe and secure, but at the same time he felt the irresistible urge to jump. To leap into the air and fall. There was power in this; his power, the power of decision and control over his own fate.

A strong gust of wind nudged him forward. _Jump,_ it pleaded, in an accented, strangely familiar voice, _fall…_

Negaduck stared into the sun and spread his arms, filled with the primal idea of avian flight. He closed his eyes…bent his knees…the sun was so cold…

Something was different. Negaduck chanced an open eye and his jaw dropped at what he saw. St. Canard Tower was gone, and he was now standing in the middle of a bright, grassy green field. Vibrant wildflowers speckled the landscape like a dusting of confetti. The sun was bright and warm, and the far off sound of singing floated in the air.

"What the…" Negaduck murmured.

The singing grew louder. Nearer. Suddenly, dozens of Little Lost Bunnies were pouring over the hills, heading straight for him.

"There he is! There's Negaducky!" one of the Bunnies cried.

With a collective shout of joy, the Little Lost Bunnies came dashing at him.

"AAARRRRGGGHHH!"

Negaduck screamed in horror and sprinted in the opposite direction. He had to get away from the Bunnies as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder to see the colorful rodents closing in on him at a remarkable pace. Damn, those fluffy freaks were fast!

The Bunnies caught up to him easily and threw themselves upon him in a playful tackle. Negaduck squirmed and scrambled but to no avail. He was going to be smothered to death by the Little Lost Bunnies…

The next thing the mallard knew the Bunnies had lifted him to his feet. They formed a large circle, all facing inward, which they linked hand in hand. To his dismay, Negaduck himself was part of the circle, joined by two Bunnies on either side.

"Lemme go you bunch of sickening little pipsqueaks!" he roared as he attempted to tug his hands free of the Bunnies' iron grip.

The singing started up again with renewed vigor. The Little Lost Bunnies danced rhythmically in a circle with Negaduck being drug along like an innocent man being led to the electric chair…they spun, faster and faster…the singing became one booming voice…their cherub-like faces became a multicolored blur of motion…Negaduck was tripping and stumbling trying to keep up with the insane dance –

"NO! NO MORE DANCING BUNNIES! STOP!"

"Calm down Negaduck, you're only dreaming!"

The villain opened his eyes. Once they adjusted to the darkness he found he was in his hideout, on the couch, with Nega-Gosalyn clutching his hand and fixing him with a worried stare.

"Phew…it was just a dream," Negaduck breathed to himself.

And a bizarre dream at that. The building part was nothing out of the ordinary; ever since the night with that wacko cyborg and the Devil's Eye he had dreamt of leaping off frightening heights – but Little Lost Bunnies? That was definitely a new one. Maybe that coffee he drank yesterday was worse than he had originally thought.

"Do you feel okay?" Nega-Gosalyn asked in a maternal tone and felt his forehead, "You seem a little warm."

Negaduck jerked his head out of the way and scowled.

"Would you quit it, I didn't ask for a diagnosis!"

The duckling yanked her hand back as if it were bitten, staring at him with wide, emerald eyes. Cringing inwardly, Negaduck struggled for a way to make up for lost ground.

"I meant uh, quit it, I don't need a diagnosis, because I, um, because I – I already have one! Doctor says it's indigestion."

Nega-Gosalyn's face softened.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that! You know, whenever I feel a bit off color, the Friendly Four and I would always play a game of some sort. Would you like to play a board game Negaduck?"

"I'd rather have a root canal," he muttered under his breath.

"I apologize, I couldn't hear you. Could you please repeat that?"

Negaduck plastered on an incredibly forced smile and exclaimed, "Of course I would! I do so _love_ board games."

"Excellent!" the redhead replied, "I'll pick one out!"

She skipped out of sight, but Negaduck could still hear the echo of her shoes tapping down the hall.

Negaduck reassured himself calmly, "Okay, I can do this…all I have to do is play a board game…one simple, quiet, friendly, irritating, jaw-grinding, brain-numbing little board game…with her."

He shuddered involuntarily.

* * *

Drake tossed dinner plates onto the table noisily, trying his best to ignore the smells coming from Morgana's cooking. 

"Oooh, the sautéed rat tails are almost ready," the sorceress announced.

Drake's stomach lurched.

"So Dark," she continued, "you've avoided the Negaverse question all afternoon, now tell me this: who _was _that girl in the dress?"

"I told you Morgana, I'm not going to tell you or anyone else who she is; you'd only think I'm more bonkers."

"If you don't wish to tell that's quite all right."

"It is?" Drake asked, astonished.

"Of course – I'll just give you an extra helping of rat tails."

"I see."

Morgana began talking to herself as much as to Drake when she said, "I'm still convinced it has something to do with you and Negaduck, why else would she look so much like Gosalyn?"

"Oh, speaking of whom – GOSALYN, DINNER!" Drake roared to the ceiling.

* * *

Gosalyn Mallard sat cross-legged on her bed, hunched over her _Ancient Transylvanian Beasts_ tome. She flipped the page with a swish. 

"And this dude right here is called Gut-Spiller, he's kind of like a big raccoon that, well, gobbles you up," she informed.

She flipped another page and Mr. Waddlemeyer asked with earnest, "_And who is this next specimen?_"

"Oh, that's a Gularian Taronga," Gosalyn replied dryly, "don't ask."

Another flip of the page revealed a small, ugly creature that reminded Gosalyn of a cat with a permanent curve in its back walking on two legs.

"Whoa, I haven't seen this one yet! _The Hobble-Hurler_…man, score ten points for weirdo names… 'The Hobble-Hurler is said to lure its victims to horrible deaths by calling out their material desires'…yikes, total bummage!"

"_How interesting,_" the voice whispered in her head, "_tell me more._"

Gosalyn opened her beak to read but Drake's loud call of "GOSALYN, DINNER!" cut her off.

"Aw, I have to go," she said disappointedly.

Mr. Waddlemeyer asked, "_So soon?_"

"Well, I've been talkin' to ya all afternoon – but I'll eat super fast, you won't even know I'm gone!" Gosalyn assured as she headed out the door.

She waltzed into the kitchen just as Launchpad had finished placing the silverware. She took her seat and immediately began tapping her fingers and kicking her feet restlessly.

"Gee Gos, did you take a swig of Drake's coffee or something?" Launchpad joked.

"No," the duckling answered rather flatly.

Taken aback, Launchpad shrugged his shoulders and turned to the stove. Drake approached the table, holding the large bowl of rat tails out at arm's length, sticking out his tongue in disgust. He placed it intentionally opposite of his seat and glanced at Gosalyn. He hadn't seen her in nearly twenty-four hours.

"Howdy stranger," he greeted sarcastically.

"Hi," was Gosalyn's callous reply as she started scooping the steaming tails onto her plate.

Drake fixed his daughter with suspicious eyes.

"What's got your pigtails in a twist?"

Gosalyn's own eyes flashed dangerously. Why was he always so mistrustful of her? He always thought she was up to something. Granted, he was often correct, but still…oh no, did he know about Mr. Waddlemeyer? Gosalyn swallowed. If he found out, he'd never let her talk to Mr. Waddlemeyer again, and it was nice to have someone solely interested in her for a change. Did he know? It was a ridiculous notion, how could he possibly know; but you could never be too careful when you played with fire.

"What do mean 'twist'? I don't have any twist. There's no twist. Why would there be a twist?!" Gosalyn shrieked.

The kitchen went silent as all three adults stared at her. Drake looked back to Morgana, who shook her head and shrugged.

"Is something bothering you Gos?" she asked.

"No," Gosalyn replied quickly, "I'm just, um, hungry! Yeah, that's it, I'm hungry."

With that she began devouring her dinner like a shark in a feeding frenzy. Drake prodded his own dinner with his fork. He felt as though they hadn't spoken in an age, and it looked like his daughter wanted to keep it that way.

Morgana twirled the tails around her fork as she questioned, "Okay Dark, what will it be – information on that girl, or more rat tails?"

The mallard glanced at the slimy gray strings on his plate and shuddered.

"Fine, ya got me. She lives in the Negaverse. That is, she used to, until she followed me back here. Now she's in Negaduck's clutches, and who knows what dastardly deeds he's got planned for her. I'd go after her tonight, but…"

But he still felt extremely weak and fatigued from his bout of sleep deprivation, though he'd never dare admit it to his family.

"That's all well and good, but just _who is she?_" Morgana pursued.

"Who's who?" Gosalyn asked suddenly, unable to bottle her curiosity.

"Oh, there was this little girl who looked just like_ yow!_" Launchpad yelped after Drake delivered a hefty blow to his shin from under the table.

"It's nothing dear," Drake muttered offhandedly with a glare in his sidekick's direction, "ANYWAY, what were you doing in your room all this time? Please say you were cleaning it…"

Gosalyn replied through a mouthful of food, "Ay wers juff reedink ah burk."

"What?" Drake and Launchpad asked simultaneously.

The duckling gulped down her food.

"I said I was just reading a book. The one Morgana gave to me for my birthday."

"You're enjoying it then?" the sorceress asked, "I know I certainly did when my father gave it to me as a child."

Drake poked his food as he mused, "Speaking of whom, why'd your dear old dad come here to St. Canard anyhow? Weren't Moloculo's exact words, 'I'd never place a rotten toenail in that normal-infested stink hole even if my afterlife depended on it'?"

Morgana tapped her fingers on the table dangerously.

"What's wrong with a father wanting to visit his daughter?"

Drake rubbed his chin and thought aloud, picking up fervor as he went along, "I was just pondering…he's never exactly taken a shine to me, to say the least…and now he mysteriously shows up, just as I'm being plagued by a bunch of unnatural Transylvanian monstrocities!"

"What are you trying to say?" the sorceress hissed.

"Nothing, it's just…coincidence? I think not!" Drake returned.

Morgana's eyes narrowed.

"My father has better things to do than attack YOU with trivial apparitions! He's a very important man you know!"

The mallard made a noise that sounded remarkably like a scoffing snort. Launchpad and Gosalyn drew back instinctively as Morgana rose to her feet.

"_Excuse me?_"

"What? I just choked on a piece of rat tail," Drake lied cheekily, pretending to stuff a forkful into his mouth. He unwisely inhaled. The rat tails became lodged in his throat and he found himself coughing and sputtering as he truly began choking on his food.

Morgana rolled her eyes and turned to Gosalyn.

"Which creature are you reading about now?" she asked calmly as if Drake wasn't gagging and pounding on his chest.

"The Hobble-Hurler," Gosalyn informed amidst her father's failed attempts to reach down his throat and pull the tails out, "the one that lures its victims to bloody, gruuuuesome deaths and stuff!"

Morgana smiled approvingly. Drake was now tugging on Launchpad's scarf and pointing to his throat desperately. The pilot gave his friend a few mighty thumps on the back. The room was momentarily filled with the unpleasant squelching sound of Drake coughing up his rat tails. The mallard gasped for air and fell back on his chair.

"Geez Dad, way to yak all over the floor," Gosalyn muttered, looking beneath the table at the mushy remains.

"Pardon me for DYING," Drake growled, "and 'yak' is not an appropriate dinner term young lady."

"What would you call _appropriate_ then? Barf? Toss your cook – "

"That's enough! I was merely reenacting the circle of life. Haven't you ever seen those nature shows where the female bird regurgitates pre-digested food for its young?"

"Yeah, except you're not like, a mother pigeon or something DW," Launchpad pointed out.

"And I would certainly hope Gos isn't planning on eating THAT," Morgana added, motioning to the floor.

Gosalyn smirked and picked up her clean plate.

"I'm done. Can I go to my room now?" she asked.

For the second time that night the three adults stared at her in complete shock.

Drake questioned, "You – you actually _want_ to go to your room?"

"Without any desert?" Launchpad mentioned, completely blown away at the prospect.

Gosalyn clenched her fist. This was beginning to get on her nerves. She tossed her plate into the sink with a loud clatter and marched towards the stairs.

"Yeah, I wanna go to my room. Gotta problem with that?!" she yelled rebelliously and disappeared behind her door with an angry slam.

Drake stood up and bellowed after her, "You had better lose the attitude little missy! You're too young to be an angst-ridden teen!"

With no reply, the mallard looked back at Launchpad and Morgana, who both frowned. Drake sighed helplessly.

"Was it something I said?"


	8. Darkwing the Drama Queen

Disclaimer: I am not the owner of these characters, I'm just the poor, sad soul who writes about them.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review, you're awesome!

* * *

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Negaduck banged his head against the adjacent wall wearily. A glance at the clock proved that he and Nega-Gosalyn had entered the fourth tedious hour of Parcheesi. At this rate he could WALK to the Negaverse faster than it took to gain her trust. Negaduck held his face in his hands.

"Does this game _ever_ end?"

"Why, yes it does – but that's why it's such a wonderful game! It allows you to spend quality time with the ones you love!" Nega-Gosalyn replied.

"_Please, someone. Shoot me now,_" the villain whimpered under his breath.

"Your turn!"

"Huh?"

"It's your turn to role the dice Negaduck!" Nega-Gosalyn announced cheerily.

The dice more or less fell out of his hand and Negaduck halfheartedly nudged his piece forward.

"Congratulations!" Nega-Gosalyn cried, "You've won the game!"

Negaduck's eyes widened.

"I did? I did! Hallelujah! It's over!"

"I knew you'd be excited!" Nega-Gosalyn said. With that, she leapt forward and hugged him tightly.

Once the shock wore off, Negaduck repressed the urge to scream out his wrath and instead tried to pry her off inconspicuously before anyone could notice.

"And _that's_ why St. Canard Tower should be filled with mushrooms," echoed Quackerjack's voice from across the hall.

Negaduck cringed. The Fearsome Four. They were here. They were coming this way. If they saw him like this…

"_Off-off-off-off-off-off!_" he hissed to Nega-Gosalyn urgently, and she had barely loosened her grip when the Fearsome Four burst in.

"But Quackerjack, wouldn't mushrooms attract ants – "

Megavolt halted mid-sentence. There was a long, silent pause as the four villains stared at their leader with the duckling, and vice versa.

"Negaduck, the ultimate in awkward surprises!" Liquidator announced.

"What's going on, John?" Mr. Banana Brain asked.

Negaduck scowled and snapped sarcastically, "I'm alphabetizing my spice rack. What do you care what's going on! Mind your own pathetic business! Get out! Out out OUT!"

The Fearsome Four quickly scurried out of the room. The black-masked mallard sighed and, to Nega-Gosalyn's astonishment, waved in a meaningless direction.

"What are you doing Negaduck?" she asked.

"Oh nothing, just waving goodbye to my dignity," he replied.

* * *

Darkwing Duck felt the wind gust by him like the forceful gasps of a drowning man. He tugged his cape around him, more for security than warmth. 

Out of nowhere he realized he was atop the St. Canard Tower. The city surrounded him, blurred and obscure as it was.

A swell of panic rose in Darkwing. He looked around, only to see a figure – another duck by the looks of it – standing at the edge of the building, arms spread wide, knees bent.

"Don't jump!" the crime fighter screamed desperately, "Come back here, where it's safe!"

A shrill shriek yanked his attention from the jumper. Darkwing felt as though he had stepped back in time three years – Hoof, Mouth, and Hammerhead were sneering at him, Taurus Bulba stood next to the Waddlemeyer Ramrod and, worst of all, Gosalyn was suspended in the air by that butt-ugly bird.

Taurus nodded, and the condor released Gosalyn into a freefall.

Darkwing remembered what to do next.

"You butcher!" he yelled at Bulba, then jumped in for a webkick in the gut. The bull doubled over, giving Darkwing the chance to land a blow on his head. Heh heh, felt just as good now as it did three years ago.

The mallard whipped around. Gosalyn was falling, but not to worry…any second now Launchpad would appear with the Thunderquack…yup, any second now…

He didn't come. She kept falling, faster and faster…

"NO!"

Drake cried out in anguish, ringing his cape in his sweaty hands. Wait a minute, he wasn't ringing his cape, he was ringing his bedsheets…

He was in his room, in his bed, merely woken from a nightmare. Drake jumped when he heard a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Launchpad appeared with a cheery smile on his face.

"Better late than never," Drake snarled, still shaken by his dream.

The pilot frowned in confusion.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger DW, Herb just wanted to know if you could help them carry some boxes and furniture. Binkie's making Salmon a la King for dinner, and we can have some if we help out!"

"Tell them I died. Or got the bubonic plague. Or was eaten by gophers. Anything LP, just tell them NO."

"But we don't have gophers around here – "

"Fine, fine! I'll just go! Jeez Louise…"

Launchpad scratched his head as Drake pushed past him, muttering to himself. Clearly his friend had forgotten one very important detail.

"Hold your horses there pal – don't you know what day it is?" he called after Drake.

"One I'll probably loathe in years to come!" came the heated reply.

* * *

Drake and Launchpad marched out the front door, the former scowling, the latter smiling. 

"Gee Drake, maybe you shouldn't stay up past your bedtime," the pilot joked slyly.

He received a glare as a reply as they rounded the fence.

"Lighten up DW, Herb needs Drake's help just as much as St. Canard needs Darkwing's," Launchpad whispered.

"I won't lighten up, I'll darken down thank you very much! St. Canard isn't a nasty nuisance of a neighbor. Why me, why!" Drake moaned.

"Don't you think you're being just a bit, ya know, dramatic?"

"Dramatic? Ha! Try downtrodden!"

They zigzagged their way past the boxes and into Herb's yard.

"Mallard and McQuack, reporting for duty!" Launchpad announced with a mock salute to Herb Muddlefoot.

"HEY neighbors! Glad yer awake there Drakester!" Herb's voice boomed.

The mallard cringed.

"Hi Herb."

"We was just loadin' the moving van!"

"Moving van?" Drake repeated, "But Herb, isn't your new house only two yards away?"

The large duck nodded.

"Quite a hike ain't it? Okay then – me, Tank'n Launchpad'll get the heavy furniture, you can just help Honker with the little boxes, okay Drakerooni?"

Drake opened his beak to object but Herb clapped him on the back forcefully.

"GREAT! Remember, lift with your knees! C'mon Launchpad, we'll start with the hot tub!"

Launchpad looked back at Drake and shrugged as Herb led him away. Drake stalked toward the pile of boxes.

"I don't believe this – me, Darkwing Duck, thwarter of villainy, bringer of justice, the world's best crime fighter through and through – and I'm stuck moving junk from one yard to the next. And how on earth do you 'lift with your knees' anyway!"

Drake stopped when he heard several nasal grunts. To his surprise, he saw a large box with two little arms wrapped around it and two little webbed feet sticking out the bottom, teetering towards him. Drake rushed forward and snatched up the box before it toppled over.

"Thanks Mr. Mallard," Honker Muddlefoot breathed, glad to be rid of the box.

"No problem Honkman," Drake replied, "I see you got stuck with box duty too?"

Honker nodded and picked up a smaller box. He and Drake began making their way to the moving van.

"So, is Gosalyn feeling any better?" Honker asked.

Drake's brow knitted.

"Feeling any better? Since when was she sick!"

Honker returned a similar look.

"Well, when she got off the bus she said she wasn't feeling well and then she went home. It was a little out of the ordinary, even for Gosalyn."

"Hold the phone – you mean to tell me that Gos didn't go to school today?"

"Um, well, n-no – "

"WHAT!" Drake screeched, dropping his box with a loud crash.

Honker tugged on the edges of his shirt nervously and sputtered, "I – I – I didn't mean to get her in t-trouble, she j-just told me she was going home!"

Drake began tapping his foot irritably.

"Something fishy is going on here, and I don't mean your mom's Salmon a la King," he hissed, then turned on his heel and marched back to his house.

* * *

Potato chips sprayed everywhere as Gosalyn Mallard tried to stuff another handful in her mouth whilst jumping on her bed. 

"You're sure you don't mind me eating in my room _and_ jumping on my bed?" the hyper duckling asked.

_"Of course not,"_ Mr. Waddlemeyer replied, _"any _real_ father would appreciate his daughter's idea of fun."_

"Tubular! Darkwing would totally go nuclear on me if he caught me doing this!"

_"Huh, some father."_

"It's one of his stupid 'rules.' He's got a ton of 'em – eat your vegetables, brush your teeth, be polite, do you chores, don't talk to strangers, no digging up the yard for dead bodies!"

_"That's awful!"_

Gosalyn nodded forcefully.

"You're telling me! And I always know when I'm in trouble when he yells – "

"GOSALYN MALLARD!"

The redhead was so startled she fell off her bed in mid-bounce.

"What!" she snapped crossly.

"What do you mean 'what'?" came Drake's muffled voice from behind the door.

She heard him jiggling the doorknob.

"Gosalyn! Open this door immediately!"

Grumbling, Gosalyn pushed herself to her feet and unlocked the door. Suddenly her eyes widened as Drake proceeded to storm in.

"Wait don't pull it open too fast or you'll set off the – " she began wildly.

The instant Drake flung the door an arrow shot forth and suction-cupped itself to his forehead.

" – intruder trap," Gosalyn finished.

Drake growled and tried to yank the arrow off his head. He grunted and pulled with both hands but the arrow stayed put. Muttering under his breath he continued, "As I was going to say…I see that at twelve years of age, you deem yourself eligible to forego you education, is that right?"

Gosalyn gulped. He found out.

"I uh, felt…sick…" she tried pathetically.

Her father glared at her while still tugging at the arrow.

"You expect me to believe that? C'mon Gos, what on earth were you thinking? Skipping school – you're turning into a regular hood!"

"I'm not a hood!" Gosalyn retorted angrily, "Jeez, so I missed one day, what's the big deal? It's not like I woulda learned anything…"

"What's the big deal? You broke the law! It's truancy!" Drake yelled.

"Truancy? What the heck is that?"

"Maybe you would _know_ if you went to _school_."

"I'm a kid! Kids are supposed ta' have fun, not sit all day in stuffy, ugly classrooms that smell like old cheese – "

"Look Gos, I don't wanna hear it," Drake cut in, "and in case you haven't guessed: you're grounded. Now go to your room!"

"Fair enough," Gosalyn replied sweetly, shutting her bedroom door.

Turning and clapping his hands triumphantly, Drake was just about to go downstairs before he remembered the key fact that Gosalyn was already in her room and glad of it. He whipped around and hurled the door open – only to have another arrow plaster itself to his forehead.

Gosalyn suppressed a snicker and cooed, "_Yeeesss?_"

Drake scowled beneath his crown of arrows.

"I revoke my last punishment. You're not grounded – I'm just doubling your chores for a week."

"What?"

"With _no _allowance," he added.

"WHAT!"

Gosalyn's jaw dropped. He had to be kidding!

"You make the bed you lie in Gos," Drake testified calmly.

"What are you talking about? I didn't make my stupid bed!"

Drake shook his head and muttered, "No no no, it's an expression – but that'll be one of your chores by the way."

"Thanks for the heads up Darkwing," Gosalyn replied sarcastically.

Clearing his throat, Drake said with great clarity, "Gosalyn. Repeat after me. Secret. Identity."

The duckling rolled her eyes.

"Chill out, it's not like anyone's here."

The mallard blinked. Why wouldn't she just call him 'Dad' like she always did? Maybe it was just a phase?

"Er, okay Gosalyn, well, no more skipping school or you'll end up like that hobo by Hamburger Hippo," Drake finished weakly, "so uh, remember: one week. Double chores. No allowance."

With that, Drake made his way downstairs to figure out a way to dislodge the arrows.

"_One week. Double chores. No allowance,_" Gosalyn mocked before slamming her door shut.

She marched to her bed and sat down huffily.

"This is so totally not fair! I missed one day and the 'warden' over here acts like I dropped out of school!"

_"This is a travesty! I, your true father, would have never castigated you in such a manner," _Mr. Waddlemeyer asserted.

Gosalyn, in youthful anger, grumbled, "I know, I _real _Dad wouldn't."

* * *

Drake Mallard stormed out of the kitchen and into the living room, pushing past his sidekick as he did so. 

"Wait up DW, I – what's with the arrows?"

"Two words: intruder trap."

"Oh. Anyway, I have something for you!"

"If it's Binkie's Salmon a la King I DO NOT want it!" Drake snapped.

Launchpad shook his head and returned, "No, I think you'll like this a lot better…"

"Not now LP," Drake barked with determination, "this is turning out to be a particularly horrendous day, and I need to find something to get these stupid arrows off…I'm pretty sure I left the Jaws of Life in the tower…"

"But it'll only take a minute," Launchpad pleaded.

Drake plopped into his blue chair.

"No way compadre! I also need to make peace with myself – by fighting! Crime, that is. A good night on the prowl will do wonders for the ol' blood pressure. Besides, I have no time for trivial treasures when there's troublemakers to trounce! You can have the night off pal, I'll take this one!"

Launchpad watched as his friend disappeared with a punch and a spin. Why was _he_ the one getting the night off?

* * *

Nega-Gosalyn took one last reassuring look at the only calendar she could find – Bushroot's fertilizer planner. Yep, today was the day. 

The duckling pressed her ear to the door. Low grumbling sprinkled with swear words undoubtedly meant that Negaduck was in the room. She knocked on the door daintily.

Negaduck's muffled voice roared, "Bushroot I don't CARE if my dogs ate one of your ugly plants again – "

"It's me, Gosalyn."

"Oh. Uh, come in kiddo!"

Nega-Gosalyn entered slowly, a wide grin on her face.

"What?" Negaduck asked suspiciously.

"It's your birthday."

Negaduck froze.

"Is not – I don't have a birthday," he blurted.

Nega-Gosalyn handed him Bushroot's planner and retorted, "Do too, and today's the day. Happy Birthday Negaduck!"

The villain held the planner close to his face. So it was true. It really _was_ his birthday. He had completely forgotten. In fact, he had completely forgotten for ten years.

"After you disappeared from the Negaverse I found your old NRA application and it had your birthday on it, so now that I know when it is, we can celebrate it every year!" Nega-Gosalyn exclaimed.

Negaduck rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at the date. He never could understand why people would celebrate getting another year older because of an event they couldn't even remember. Sentimental sap. Today was no different from yesterday for all he cared. Years were insignificant now – Negaduck felt as though from the day he had first fastened on his black mask up until this very moment had been solidified into one, long year.

"Look, I'm not a real birthday kinda duck," he began.

Nega-Gosalyn gave an imaginary sigh.

"Oh well, I guess I'll have to find someone else to give this present to then…"

The masked mallard asked in spite of himself, "Present?"

That was the pitfall of years of no birthdays – years of no presents.

With a satisfied smile Nega-Gosalyn revealed a round object wrapped in pink tissue paper and bound with an even pinker ribbon. Negaduck raised an eyebrow but accepted the gift nonetheless. His hand sagged for a moment; it was heavier than it looked. The object was no larger than a softball and he could sense the cool smoothness of glass beneath the paper.

Negaduck managed to contain a small spark of childish excitement as he unwrapped his first birthday present in years. The top half of the pink paper drifted silently to the floor as his eyes widened.

It was a brilliantly white orb. Sparkling mists swirled within like writhing wraiths, giving it the impression that it was never still. It was so white and pure it was as though he held a star in his hand.

Negaduck removed the last scrap of paper from the orb – and the instant his fingertips made contact with its stony exterior a deluge of images flooded his mind…flying down the streets aboard his motorcycle on a crisp, spring night, not a care in the world…

The mallard inhaled sharply. Nega-Gosalyn mistook his silence for anger and babbled, "I didn't know if you'd like it, I know you like expensive things and it looked like it was kinda valuable like a big jewel or something – "

"No no, cool it, it's okay…" Negaduck murmured.

He was lost in thought. The orb, the rush of memories; everything was so bizarrely familiar. Then it hit him – the Devil's Eye. It was exactly like the Devil's Eye, save for it was white instead of black, and those memories were happy ones, not hellish ones.

"Where did you get this?" Negaduck asked quietly.

Nega-Gosalyn fidgeted but replied resolutely, "Morgana was doing another one of her raids – back in the Negaverse, I mean – but the Friendly Four stopped her, and she left this behind and I've had it ever since."

Negaduck nodded, the glow of the sphere reflecting in his eyes. If the Devil's Eye fiasco had taught him anything, it was not to let this thing go unnoticed.

"I'm sorry if you don't like it, I'll get rid of it," Nega-Gosalyn gushed apologetically.

"No, I like it. Good find, kid," Negaduck said, the first truth he had spoken to her since her arrival.

Nega-Gosalyn smiled happily up at him.

* * *

Darkwing Duck was just realizing how difficult pulling on a turtleneck was when you had two arrows stuck to your forehead when Morgana suddenly appeared in the tower. 

"Ah ha, there you are Dark, I was looking all over for – Dark?"

"Hull un wun seckon!" he shouted through his shirt.

Morgana raised an eyebrow as Darkwing finally managed to pop his head out.

"Arrows?" she asked curiously.

"Intruder trap."

"Ah."

"And I can't…get…these blasted things…OFF!" the crime fighter yelled while tugging on them.

"Here, let me do it, that's simple…" Morgana replied.

Darkwing blinked as the arrows vanished in a puff of green smoke and transformed into two, rigid snakes. The reptiles became limp and fell at his feet.

"Yipes!" the mallard yelped, "Morgana, why'd you turn them into snakes!"

"Relax, they're not _that_ poisonous," Morgana muttered, scooping them up and letting the snakes slither away down the steel cables of the bridge.

Darkwing straightened his jacket and fastened his cape. To his horror, a long rip festooned the purple cloth. He let out a loud, dramatic sigh.

"Oh, the somber sorrow of the sufferer who sings a sad song! Woe is me!"

Morgana rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"This is only the worst day in the history of duck-kind, that's 'what's wrong!' I still haven't found Negaduck, and today I had to get up early to help Herb move his entire stinkin' house, only to find out that Gosalyn skipped school, and then I'm nearly shot to death by arrows! Why me!" he wailed.

"Oh Darkwing, don't be such a drama queen!" Morgana snapped, "How early did you get up?"

"Um, four o'clock in the afternoon-ish…"

"How much of Herb's stuff did you actually move?"

"Er, well, one box – but it was a heavy one!"

"Did Gosalyn learn her lesson?"

"I guess so…"

"Are you lying dead on the floor due to a fatal arrow injury?"

"Uh…not really, no."

"There, see? It's never as bad as you blow it out of proportion to be. And I bet you don't even remember what day it is," Morgana said soothingly.

The mallard dashed over to his file cabinet and shuffled through the mass of papers, causing several to drift to the floor in his frenzy.

"Everyone keeps asking me that! It's not tax day is it? Where's my calendar…"

Darkwing felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He turned around and the sorceress placed a small vial wrapped with a black bow in his hands.

"What's this for?" he asked quizzically.

"Why Darkwing Duck," Morgana laughed with false disapproval, "don't you know? It's your birthday."

"It is?"

"Yes, it is. Right after Gosalyn's – would have helped if you had remembered hers to begin with, but still, happy birthday Dark."

Darkwing grinned. Ha, it _was_ his birthday. And to think he never believed it when people told him he was absent minded.

"Thanks Morg," the crime fighter said with a sheepish grin, then glanced at the light blue fluid in the vial, "What is this stuff anyway?"

"Liquid Levitation. One squirt and you'll be lighter than air. In other words, you can fly," Morgana replied cheerily.

Darkwing's eyes lit up.

"No kidding – this juice makes me fly! Ha, gravity, I scoff at thee!"

He leapt onto the tower windowsill and exclaimed excitedly, "All right St. Canard, wait'll you see a duck that can actually fly!"

"No Dark!"

Morgana grabbed his cape and yanked him back in.

"Liquid Levitation is very rare. There are only two doses in that vial, and the effects are only temporary. I thought it might help you if you're ever in a sticky situation," she informed quickly.

"Ah, got it. Heh heh, I am _so_ going to use this on Negaduck, I can't wait to see his face when he thinks I'm cornered, but he'll be _sorely_ mistaken…"

As Darkwing Duck babbled about a victory over Negaduck that had yet to occur, Morgana felt the slight flutter of paper beneath her. She stooped to pick up one of the many scraps Darkwing had scattered all over his hideout. The sorceress was just about to leave it on his desk when the print caught her eye…it was written in Transylvanian…

"Dark darling, where did you get this paper?" she asked calmly.

Darking glanced at the paper and muttered, "What? Oh, that. I got it last spring during that whole Bulba escapade, it had something to do with that Devil's Eye curse or whatnot, you can have it if you want it…as I was saying, I'll be flying over Negadope's head, but I'll have water balloons you see, and I'll stick 'em in my gasgun and shoot at him from above…"

Morgana folded up the paper and stuck it in her hair for safe keeping, listening to Darkwing's fictitious triumph over his rival.

* * *

The pink and orange hues gave way to an ominous mix of blue and purple before becoming a black, starless midnight. The windows of St. Canard glowed with yellow light, illuminating the countless buildings. Save for one. Only the innermost rooms of the Fearsome Five's hideout were lit as to avoid detection. They glowed the multi-colored motley of Christmas lights. Those were the only bulbs fit to work because they had slaved less than normal lights, according to Megavolt. 

_Thunk!_

A butcher knife landed heavily on the worn dartboard. With Nega-Gosalyn asleep, Negaduck found it time to unleash any concealed rage he still possessed.

Naturally, the Fearsome Four kept a safe distance from their boss and lounged in the so-called Rec Room. Bushroot worked on a crossword puzzle, Megavolt busied himself with stripping wires, while Liquidator and Quackerjack competed over an episode of "The Price is Right."

"Megavolt, what's a six-letter word for 'walk' that starts with 'w'?" Bushroot drawled.

"Amble?" the rat tried.

"Six letters. Starts with 'w'."

While Megavolt continued to ponder, Quackerjack's and Liquidator's competition grew more heated.

"She was closer with the Meyer brand pork rinds, Barker even said so!" Quackerjack yelled.

Liquidator glared at him and objected, "An old Barker makes for a crazy Barker! He's wrong, it's the D. Castellaneta brand!"

"Meyer!"

"Castellaneta!"

"SHUT UP!" echoed Negaduck's voice from the other room.

"Sorry boss!"

Grumbling expletives under his breath, Negaduck made his way down the hall. Those idiots, what a bunch of brainless, numskulled, imbecilic sons of –

The villain came to a halt in front of Nega-Gosalyn's door. He could scarcely hear her muffled voice…whimpering, almost sobbing…

Eh, she must be having a nightmare. Big whoop. Negaduck was just about to leave before a thought struck him. As much as it pained him to do so, being there for her after a nightmare would earn him some major miles on the road to the Negaverse.

Repeating for the umpteenth time that this was for his hometown, Negaduck slipped inside. A dusty string of flickering red Christmas lights made the small room look as though it were on fire. To Negaduck's surprise, Nega-Gosalyn was standing upright on her pull-out bed, completely motionless. Her head was bent low, and each breath she took rattled in her chest.

"Man, must've been one helluva nightmare," Negaduck muttered.

He sauntered to the edge of the bed.

"Okay kid, it's late and I'm tired, so don't worry. It was just a bad dream, yadda yadda yadda – "

"Bad dream?" Nega-Gosalyn growled quietly, "You do not know the half of it."

Negaduck rolled his eyes.

"Cute. Now go back to sleep."

He turned to leave, but a low, menacing voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Where are you going, Darkwing Duplicate?"

The masked mallard whipped around, the feathers on the back of his neck rising. Nega-Gosalyn was staring at him now. Eerie red waves of light cast ghastly shadows over her cloudy, unfocused eyes.

"This other G_oo_salyn is quite different," Nega-Gosalyn said in the strange tone, "different memories, different nightmares…but oh, how nicely she will fit into my plans."

Negaduck gulped. This was the same thing that had happened to Bushroot; same unmistakable voice, same incomprehensible visage – but why Nega-Gosalyn?

The duckling took a disjointed step towards him and snarled, "And you! I feel that I hate you nearly as much as your annoying double! Now, I will ask you for the last time, where are the pieces!"

"And I'll tell _you_ for the last time, I have no flipping idea what you're talking about!" Negaduck retorted, feeling silly for yelling at something he wasn't sure existed.

"LIES!" the voice in Nega-Gosalyn roared.

The red lights flickered faster as her face split into a frighteningly evil grin. With the tiny bulbs imitating the light of flame over her face, her wreath of fiery red hair and fiendish smile made the once sweet little girl resemble a veritable demon.

"Nothing will stand in my way, not even your pitiable deceits!" she bellowed.

"Holy – !" was all Negaduck could get out before the duckling lunged at him with a beastlike growl. He quickly ducked and Nega-Gosalyn grasped nothing but air. Scrambling on all fours, Negaduck made a wild effort for the door. Nega-Gosalyn leapt with unusual intensity between him and his only escape and slammed the door shut.

"Nowhere to run Darkwing's double," she hissed sadistically.

Negaduck felt his temper rising in spite of his shock.

"Look whoever you are, I'm giving you about five seconds before I – ACK!"

Nega-Gosalyn latched her unnervingly cold hands around his neck. He tried to push her off, but she squirmed out of his grasp.

While Negaduck tried to get over the fact that he was being choked by _Nega-Gosalyn_ of all people, he felt one of her hands shuffling beneath his cape. The next thing the mallard knew, his possessed protégé had the cold steel of his own gun pressed against his forehead.

"Okay, I meant it when I said that I never wanted to be killed by something pink," Negaduck sputtered.

"Ah, I see the power has shifted," Nega-Gosalyn cooed, "now the little girl frightens the big bad villain, heh heh heh. Now, about those pieces of the Devil's Eye…"

Negaduck swallowed. His right hand remained tense, ready to swat away the gun before she, or it, could blow his brains out. But that gun was damn close, it didn't allow a lot of reaction time. He could hear the Fearsome Four shouting something in the other room, completely oblivious to the psychotic little girl and her stunned guardian – but then he heard a much more frightening sound, the click of the safety –

"GOSALYN!" Negaduck screamed in a last ditch effort, the word feeling almost foreign.

"WADDLE!" shouted Megavolt triumphantly from across the hall.

"MEYER!" Quackerjack yelled not an instant later.

After the bizarre sequence of those three words, Nega-Gosalyn blinked and her eyes returned to their normal brilliant clarity.

"What happened…" she murmured in her own voice, until she noticed what was in her hand. With a strangled shriek she flung the weapon to the floor as if it had burned her. She let go of Negaduck and staggered backwards, visibly shaking. This was terrible, she had been holding a gun – and pointing at _him!_

Negaduck stared blankly ahead in thought. That Devil's Eye thing had been a done deal, hadn't it? What was all this talk about it now – and why did that talk have to come from Nega-Gosalyn's mouth in a voice that she didn't own? And the nightmares, the hound, the two-headed bird – it was if his life was one big, nasty episode of "The Twilight Zone."

Meanwhile, Bushroot scribbled the word 'waddle' into the blanks of the crossword puzzle.

"Behold, Megavolt, master of crossword clues!" the rat proclaimed.

Quackerjack and Liquidator watched "The Price is Right" contestant pick up her prize.

"Told you it was the Meyer brand," Quackerjack said, sticking out his tongue.

NOTE: Sorry for the wait, but you know the spiel – I was busy, blah blah blah. But nevertheless, stay tuned, some interesting things are on the rise… :leans back in computer chair, laughing maniacally: …and to those of you who are confused: yes, it's true, I WILL actually explain what's going on. Eventually.


	9. Pieces of the Puzzle

Disclaimer: They're Disney's.

Reviewers, my thanks to you is unlimited! Long chapter ahead, so take your time…

The noon sun hung high in the baby blue sky, beaming down rays of bright warmth. A perfect, crisp breeze floated through the air and carried the sweet tune of the whistling birds. No citizen in St. Canard could ask for a better day.

"I hate days like this!" Negaduck spat, slamming his window shut.

Well, maybe one citizen.

The masked mallard was particularly grumpy after last night's little episode. He stumbled into the hallway with two things on his mind: 1) coffee, and 2) a certain paper. Somewhere amidst his gift of the white orb and the talk of the Devil's Eye, he remembered a strange paper he had been given last spring, one that supposedly pertained to the whole "legend" rubbish. With any luck, it might explain a few of the abnormally abnormal events taking place in St. Canard. Events like why a dead bull's voice was coming out of a living child's mouth.

Negaduck was not five steps down the hall before he tripped and fell flat on his beak. Cursing, he twisted around to see several plant roots obstructing his path.

"Oh for the love of…BUSHROOT, I'M GONNA HAVE YOU FREEZE-DRIED, WRAPPED IN PLASTIC, AND TOSSED IN THE PRODUCE AISLE BEFORE YOU CAN SAY 'LEAFY GREEN'!" Negaduck hollered.

Bushroot could be on germinating on the other side of the city for all he knew, but it still felt good to yell. No sooner had Negaduck gotten up and dusted himself off then did he step on a roller skate, resulting in his webbed feet shooting out from beneath him and his back making solid contact with the floor.

His face glowing tomato red, Negaduck screamed, "QUACKERJACK, I'M GONNA – you know what, I'm just gonna kill him. Flat out kill him. End of story."

He stood up once again and hurled the skate out a window, relishing in the squall of the unfortunate cat it struck below. Negaduck burst into what he referred to as his 'study' and shuffled through the mountain of papers…an NRA newsletter…several ignored tax returns…a greasy Hamburger Hippo menu…aha! A yellowed, worn piece of parchment. This would answer all of his questions.

Negaduck squinted at the unintelligible scribble. One problem. It was written in Transylvanian.

"Dammit!" the villain barked, slamming his fist on the desk, "why is it so effin' hard for me to catch one teeny tiny break for – "

"Negaduck?"

The mallard nearly jumped out of his feathers.

"WHAT!"

He whirled around to see Nega-Gosalyn's meek frame in the doorway.

"I – I heard you yelling and I thought m-maybe something was wrong…"

"Wrong? Oh, nothing's wrong, it's just that my cohorts happen to be complete mental defects. But other than that, everything's juuuuuust peachy," Negaduck answered.

"You know maybe you ought to be nicer to the Fearsome Four," Nega-Gosalyn recommended, "they do a whole lot for you, and Quackerjack always said – well, Negaverse Quackerjack – he said a team of friends works together better than a team of strangers."

Negaduck replied casually, "Oh, those knobs aren't strangers, they're just strange."

Upon seeing Nega-Gosalyn's troubled face, Negaduck plastered on a fake smile and continued, "But I'll definitely make an effort to be kinder to those numsku – er, number one pals of mine."

"Wonderful! Before you know it, you and the Fearsome Four will be the best of friends!" Nega-Gosalyn squealed happily, and skipped out of the room.

"Oh goody," Negaduck grumbled sarcastically.

* * *

"Boy are my tail feathers dragging," Drake muttered.

After waking up considerably early to make sure his daughter attended school, a brief nap could not do much for his zombie-like state of mind. However, Drake Mallard's entire subconscious screamed COFFEE, and before he knew what he was doing Drake's feet found the kitchen.

After few minutes of percolating Drake had a steaming mug in his hand. He looked inside the refrigerator in search of milk when he noticed one of the chilled foods was gift-wrapped. Puzzled, Drake pulled the parcel out of the fridge.

"To DW, from Launchpad," said Drake, reading the gift tag aloud, "They may not be a birthday cake, but I hope you will like them."

Even more puzzled, Drake tore off the paper. A smirk burst onto his beak – it was an entire bag of Krazy Kevin's Klassic Kocktail Weenies.

* * *

"Ah coffee, how it refreshes, rejuvenates, revitalizes!" Drake sang, his voice echoing in Darkwing Tower.

Launchpad looked up from the hood of the Thunderquack to the only duck he knew who could go through the spinning chairs with a mug of coffee and not spill a drop.

"Wow DW, you're up early – looks like ya found your birthday present, heh heh."

Drake grinned.

"Yup, thanks pal," he said, then narrowed his eyes, "I'm hiding these from you and Gosalyn, between your two voracious appetites, I might not get a chance to _enjoy_ my birthday present."

Launchpad chuckled and went back to his jet. With another slurp of coffee Drake made his way to his armoire.

"Hmm, which one shall I wear today…" he murmured, lazily gazing at hanger after hanger of identical purple costumes.

_BEEP! BEEP!_

The two ducks covered their ears at the piercing blare of the D.R.A.T.

"Oh boy, a crime!" Drake cried, grabbing a costume and dashing over to his computer. He clicked the keyboard furiously, and in a few seconds the images of Larry's Linguistics Store's security camera flooded onto the screen. Drake squinted at the masked hoodlum on the screen – and his cape, and his fedora…

"IT'S NEGADUCK!" the mallard shouted with glee, "Now I'll finally have that antisocial antagonist…but he's just taking money out of the cash register…that's not his style…"

The camera showed Negaduck dashing out of the store at warp speed. A great _BOOM_ resonated through the speakers, and Larry's Linguistics turned into a cloud of fire and debris before the screen went blank.

Drake Mallard smirked grimly.

"Ah, _there's _the good ol' Negaduck I know and hate. He may think he's in the clear, but little does he know he's got the world's savviest sleuth hot on his tail feathers! C'mon LP, let's get dangerous!"

"Right behind ya pal!"

* * *

"Could someone PLEASE tell me just WHY a linguistics store wouldn't sell a Transylvanian translator, dictionary, talking parrot, anything! For the love of all that's evil why can't _anything_ go right for me today!" Negaduck ranted as he rocketed down the street on his motorcycle, ignoring each and every rule of traffic, "All I need is for the little purple creampuff of justice to show up and I'll have the combination platter of crappy days…"

"There he is Launchpad, straight ahead!"

Negaduck clenched the handlebars so tightly his fingers made ridged indentations in the metal.

"You've gotta be kidding me," the villain murmured, staring at the Ratcatcher in his rearview mirror.

"It's all over Negayuck; pull over now and I won't humiliate you too badly!" Darkwing Duck shouted over the roar of the engines.

Negaduck glared over his shoulder and snarled, "We'll see who's going to be humiliated Darkthing!"

The villain swerved to the side and sped down a crossroad with Darkwing and Launchpad hot on his tracks. Brakes screeched and horns blared as Negaduck bolted past them. He weaved in and out of traffic recklessly, waging an unspoken battle of "chicken" with his counterpart. He had to lose Darkwing somehow…

Up ahead Negaduck could see a tractor-trailer overturned, spewing buckets of cream cheese all over the road. A malevolent smile cracked across his beak.

"Looks like you're slowing down back there Gramps, forget your walker?" Negaduck taunted Darkwing.

The crime fighter growled back, "You must be one delusional duck to think that I –"

"Look out DW!" Launchpad yelled frantically.

Before Darkwing knew what was happening, Negaduck cut to the right, leaving the masked mallard and his sidekick on a one-way trip into the cream cheese.

"YAAAHH!"

The Ratcatcher's tires spun out as Darkwing and Launchpad went careening into the mess. Negaduck looked behind himself and snickered, watching his opposite turn the road into his own personal Slip 'n Slide.

"Ha, that oughta teach that bonehead to keep his beak out of my – uh oh."

Following a similar pattern to Darkwing's, Negaduck failed to watch where he was going, leading him to slam his bike into a fire hydrant and be jettisoned off his seat. The villain flew through the air, screaming and flailing, before shooting through the open door of a hardware store where he finally skidded to a halt.

Negaduck managed a tight "Ow." He rolled onto his back and massaged his head.

"I don't know how this could get much worse," he groaned.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night!"

"Jinxed it," Negaduck added.

"I am the unforgiving college loan you just can't pay off!"

Negaduck quickly looked around and spotted a bin of tools to his side. He picked up a wrench and heaved it into the cloud of blue smoke.

"I am – " _CLANG!_ " – hey watch it, I'm makin' an entrance over here!" Darkwing barked indignantly.

He and Launchpad stepped through the wisps of smoke, both of them dripping cream cheese. The masked mallard assumed a dramatic pose and proclaimed, "You may have received an 'E' for effort, but you won't pass _this_ test!"

His harsh countenance slackening slightly, Darkwing added with a chuckle, "Just give it up Negaduck, you _know_ I always win."

"And here I thought I knew everything," Negaduck mused.

In a flash Negaduck kicked his feet out, knocking over a sack of road salt. The sack split, spraying the two heroes with the tiny pellets. Negaduck took advantage of their distraction and disappeared into the depths of the store.

Darkwing brushed salt out of his eyes while asking desperately, "Where'd that snake of a villain slither off to now?"

"Dunno DW, maybe we should split up – "

"Good idea LP! You take the home and garden aisle, I'll take tools and bolts!"

Darkwing raced past the bins of bolts, nuts, and screws, remaining vigilant for any flash of red or glimpse of yellow. Where did that blasted duck get to!

He slid to a stop when he heard the soft rustle of fabric. Narrowing his eyes, Darkwing tiptoed forward and whispered in a singsong voice, "Come out come out wherever you are, you stupid, annoying, no good – whoa!"

The crime fighter barely dodged the heavy blade of a shovel as it whooshed over his head with a metallic zing. Negaduck had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, rearing back the shovel and taking a second swing.

"No one likes a sucker shot Negs!" Darkwing informed, ducking out of the way.

He hastily armed himself with the only thing available – a droopy kitchen mop.

"A mop? That's the best you can do?" Negaduck mocked, still gripping the shovel, "I guess you're all washed up!"

Using his mop as a baseball bat, Darkwing swung at his opposite.

"Ha, you swing like a girl," Negaduck taunted.

Darkwing frowned but retorted, "Sticks and stones Negaduck – _en garde!_"

Now equipping his mop as sword, Darkwing executed a tricky maneuver and knocked the shovel out of Negaduck's hands. The villain looked stunned for a moment before growling with frustration.

"It's all in the wrist," Darkwing cooed smugly, polishing his nails.

Reacting quickly, Negaduck snatched a handful of nuts and bolts and whipped them into Darkwing's face, producing a painful yowl from the hero.

"Looks like you've got a few screws loose Darkwing Muck," Negaduck said, and skirted out the emergency exit.

Darkwing tried in vain to chase after his adversary, but only managed to slip on the scattered nuts and bolts. He let out a frustrated growl akin to Negaduck's previous one, but finally made it to the exit. Flinging open the emergency door, he leapt into the alley, gasgun at the ready.

"All right Negasludge, come out with your hands…huh?"

To his surprise, Darkwing could not see an inch in front of him. It was as if he had been pitched into a sea of black ink. Even worse, it felt like the temperature had taken a plunge to subzero. Darkwing suddenly had the sense of being a blind duck lost in the arctic.

The crime fighter stuck his hands out and felt his way through the darkness. What was going on?

"_Darkwing…Darkwing Duuuuck…_" whispered a voice as cold as his surroundings.

"O-kay, v-v-very f-funny N-N-N-Negaduck!" Darkwing said through chattering teeth.

"_Listen, duck…and you as well, Darkwing's Double…you both had better enjoy these days…they'll be your last…_"

The masked mallard's feathers stood on end at the sound of the eerie voice. His nerves were on edge, the slightest noise would trigger a violent reaction…

Suddenly, Darkwing felt someone budge him from behind. Emitting a cry of panic, he literally jumped in surprise and felt his elbow crash against something solid. Darkwing heard an angry grunt and the thud of someone falling over. As his terror subsided, so did the blackness, and soon the grungy alley became visible again with natural shadows existing as the only form of dark.

When his eyes finally adjusted to his surroundings, Darkwing saw Negaduck sitting on the ground, clutching his beak and looking utterly irate.

"That was my _face_ you moron!" the villain barked gruffly.

"Oh, I'm sorry – " Darkwing began, then caught himself, " – wait, what am I apologizing to YOU for? I'm not sorry I hit you, in fact, I'm quite pleased to see you whimpering in agony – "

Without another word Negaduck slammed his heel into Darkwing's shin, causing the crime fighter to yelp in pain and hop around on one foot while holding his injured leg.

"Take that, ya cheap-cologne-wearing geek…and by the way, your dumb _they'll be your last_ spiel wasn't even remotely scary," Negaduck testified.

Darkwing stopped his hopping and fixed his opposite with a perplexed stare.

"That wasn't me. I thought you were the one saying all that stuff!"

Negaduck sneered, "Of course not, why would I refer to myself as 'Darkwing's Double!' It's an insult! The last person to call me that was – "

There was a pause before both mallards cried out incredulously, "_Taurus Bulba!_"

"No, it can't be, I must just be having that beastly bull on the brain, I keep thinking I hear him wherever I go – heck, I even thought he was in Gosalyn's head!" Darkwing asserted.

Negaduck's eyes narrowed.

"Was she acting funny and talking with his stupid voice and stupid attitude?"

"Uh, yeah, she was, actually…" Darkwing blurted, surprised to be having such a candid conversation with Negaduck, "how'd you know?"

"Because, the kid from the Negaverse went psycho last night, you'd think she was possessed or something…"

"POSSESSED! EXACTLY! See, I _knew _I wasn't crazy. Hey, speaking of whom, where's Gosalyn? What have you done to her you miserable misanthrope!" Darkwing demanded.

To further emphasize his point, Darkwing pitched his arms out in the air. One of his hands ungracefully smacked a garbage can, startling a stray cat and causing the hissing feline to burst out and attach itself to Darkwing's head. As the crime fighter wrestled with the wild tabby, Negaduck took advantage of his good fortune and disappeared into the streets of St. Canard.

"Stupid cat!" Darkwing snapped, tearing it off his face and tossing it back into alley. Though he was not surprised to see no Negaduck in sight, it still did not lessen his aggravation.

"G'oh, I _had _'im!" he growled.

Darkwing's eyes fell on a piece of parchment floating to the ground. Negaduck must have left it behind by mistake. Examining it closely, Darkwing let out a whoop of excitement.

The Ratcatcher screeched to a halt in front of the alley. Launchpad leapt off and called to his partner, "C'mon DW, if we hurry we can still catch Negaduck!"

Darkwing shook his head, tapping the parchment triumphantly.

"Have no fear LP, we've got more important matters to attend to…"

* * *

The door to Macabre Manor opened on its own accord as Darkwing's fist stood poised for knocking. He stepped inside confidently, with Launchpad following with just a touch less temerity.

"Morgana! It's me! Are you home!" Darkwing called loudly.

"In the library!" echoed her response from a distance.

"Um, DW, I think the wallpaper's staring at me…" Launchpad whispered.

"Just stare it right in the eyes, it backs down easy."

"Uh, right."

They pushed through the oaken doors and into the vast library. Morgana sat behind a desk covered in stacks of leather-bound books and various papers. Archie the spider held out a magnifying glass over an aged piece of parchment while the sorceress scrutinized the tiny print, pausing every few seconds to scratch something furiously on a piece of paper with a pen.

"Morgana, look what I found with my amazingly brilliant deductive abilities – "

"Quiet Dark, I've just about finished," Morgana hushed quickly, "There! Done! It took me quite a while but I've translated this piece of Transylvanian lore I found in your hideout! Now, whatever did you find?"

Darkwing whipped out Negaduck's parchment victoriously.

"Wonderful, _more_ to translate!" Morgana said with the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Oblivious, Darkwing continued, "The twisted nature of St. Canard's current events might not be so irregular after all! It's no coincidence that Negaduck just _happened _to be carrying around this paper. It's another piece to the puzzle, and I believe we might just have enough information to make sense out of this intriguing enigma. Now Morgana, what, pray tell, does that paper read?"

"Yes, well, you both remember the Devil's Eye, I assume?" Morgana began.

Darkwing and Launchpad nodded.

"How could we forget," the masked mallard grumbled.

"And do you remember the legend that accompanied it?"

"Negative," Darkwing and Launchpad said simultaneously.

Morgana rolled her eyes.

"Remember the sorcerer from ancient Transylvania? Olucolom? He was outcast by society because of his magical abilities, so the Devil let him borrow his eye to frighten the souls of his attackers. His friend named Lamron denounced Olucolom before he was killed, saying his ancestors would hunt Olucolom's kind forever. _Remember?_"

"Sure why not," Darkwing said offhandedly.

The sorceress glared at him before continuing, "Well, this parchment here continues the legend. Apparently Olucolom had a daughter by the name of Anagrom – "

"What is it with Transylvania? Give your kid a weird name and get a free pitchfork?" Darkwing Duck interjected.

Morgana gave him a venomous stare that quieted him down in a hurry. She cleared her throat and said, "Anyway, it says that Anagrom did not want her father to continue the violence against Lamron and his kind. She believed that though they were opposites, it was as though they were looking in a mirror, and magic and non-magic alike possessed traits and flaws, that none was better than the other. They could work together in peace and harmony. Olucolom persisted with the violence, so Anagrom said 'Let us play a game of mirrors,' and placed a curse on her own family, the family Erbacam."

"Yikes, this girl makes Gosalyn look like an angel," Launchpad joked.

"Well, what is it? What's the curse?" Darkwing begged.

Morgana shook her head and answered, "That's as far as my paper goes. But maybe the paper you found today has the curse."

Darkwing scowled with impatience.

"Well then let's get translatin'! What's this word mean?"

"You can't just go word by word, this isn't English!" Morgana snapped, "This language is almost like a maze, you have to work your way through it!"

The mallard snarled with aggravation and began to pace back and forth. Meanwhile, Morgana tapped her fingers on the desk in a business-like manner.

"There's one thing that perplexes me about this…these names: Olucolom, Lamron, Anagrom…they're not traditional Transylvanian titles. I can't even determine what culture they'd be from. It just doesn't make sense…" the sorceress murmured.

"Yeah, it's almost like they're backwards or somethin'," Launchpad added nonchalantly.

There were a few moments of silence before Morgana's eyes lit up and she shrieked delightedly, "Launchpad, that's it, you're a _genius!_"

"Huh?" Darkwing and Launchpad both blurted.

"These names! They're backwards!" she exclaimed.

"Hold the phone. It may seem that way to the casual observer, but to a professional like myself…" Darkwing cut in, snatching the paper away and inspecting it.

Morgana pointed to the name, "See, Olucolom is _Moloculo_ backwards – my father!"

"And so that means this Lamron fellow is…Normal?" Darkwing read, "Hey Morg, you sure your dad didn't write this…"

"And Anagrom is you Morgana!" Launchpad pointed out.

"This is fascinating!" Morgana cried, "so then the cursed family Erbacam is…oh my."

"_Macabre,_" the three ducks whispered together.

* * *

"That rotten, irritating, stridulent, meatheaded, lamebrained, gutter-sniping, snot-nosed schmuck of a duck!" Negaduck roared among a slew of other colorful words.

"I'm sure Darkwing Duck wasn't all that horrible," Nega-Gosalyn tried.

"How, I ask, how! HOW DOES HE DO IT! He bungles up every little insignificant thing he does, right down to his idiotic entrance, and he _still_ gets away on the up and up! I just. Don't. Understand."

The duckling eyed him warily as he seethed with rage, balling his fists and staring ahead maniacally. She cleared her throat and suggested with a nervous chuckle, "You know, maybe you ought to get some fresh air…it looks like it's going to be a beautiful night – you can already see some of the stars shining! What do you say?"

Negaduck bit back his original response of "I'd rather drown myself in a public restroom" and opted for the more appropriate, "Sure kid, whatever you want."

"Excellent!" she cried, grabbing his hand and hustling him out of the dank hideout, "we'll go to the mall, and go in every store there is – "

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold the mustard there kid. Why don't we go somewhere more secluded? That's dark? And no one can see us, huh?" Negaduck asked quickly.

"Why wouldn't we want anyone to see us?"

"Um, unwanted publicity, that's all," Negaduck lied.

Nega-Gosalyn pondered for a moment and then asked, "How about the park?"

Negaduck sighed with defeat. Oh well, it was better than nothing.

They strode into the park as the last wisps of sunset faded into the deep blue night. The bright moon showered everything in a comforting pale light, illuminating the beautiful scenery.

"Over here!" Nega-Gosalyn called eagerly.

She led the villain to the small clearing of the playground. Dashing past the sandbox and the jungle gym, she leapt onto the swing set.

"C'mon Negaduck, go on the swings! It's fun!"

He smacked his forehead and groaned. Making absolutely sure that no one was looking, Negaduck made his way towards the swings like a man to the gallows. If _anyone_ saw him like this he may as well kiss his reputation goodbye.

Negaduck sat on the seat awkwardly while the duckling was already swinging merrily, enjoying her newfound sense of freedom. In the midst of her euphoria she called down to Negaduck, "Don't be afraid! Start swinging! It's delightfully fun!"

The masked mallard shut his eyes. This has to be a dream. No, make that a nightmare. All he had to do was open his eyes, and he'd be back in his hideout, surrounded by wealth and weaponry…he opened his eyes. No such luck. He was still sitting on the swing with Nega-Gosalyn waiting on him anxiously.

Glancing around to make sure he didn't have a crowd armed with cameras behind him, Negaduck sighed and pushed clumsily with his feet. The chains of the swing seemed to jerk up and down rather than sway smoothly.

Nega-Gosalyn dug her heels into the ground and brought herself to a stop, watching her guardian with a look of confusion. Suddenly she let out a genuine giggle.

"Negaduck…did you _forget_ how to swing?"

"No!" Negaduck snapped defensively, "It's just…I can't…g'oh, what's the big deal! It can't be that hard!"

As Negaduck failed to swing with increasing frustration, Nega-Gosalyn held back her giggles. It wasn't every day you saw a wanted felon struggle with something as simple as a swing set.

She informed him calmly, "It's simple, just push back off the ground…there you go – no, don't drag you feet on the ground again, stick them out in front of you…there, now tuck your legs back in again – that's it!"

Having finally managed a steady swinging motion, Negaduck said arrogantly, "See, told you I didn't forget how to swing."

"Yes, you sure showed me," Nega-Gosalyn replied with a smile.

Little did the two know, four pairs of eyes were watching them behind the cover of the bushes.

"Quackerjack, do you see what Negaduck's doing!" Megavolt hissed.

"Yeah! He went to a playground without _me!_ The nerve!" Quackerjack retorted indignantly.

"No stupid, that's not the point! He's swinging! In the park! With that kid! Don't you think that's a little atypical for Negaduck?"

"And he calls _us_ wimps! What's he up to anyway?"

"Newsflash: The Liquidator doesn't really care. He's going to leave this poor excuse of a stakeout before he wastes any more of his time!" Liquidator announced, "I can't believe I let you guys talk me into following him to begin with."

"Fine, be that way!" Quackerjack called after the retreating Liquidator.

"Really guys, what does it matter? Maybe he's doing it for his blood pressure," Bushroot proposed.

Ignoring the plant-duck, Quackerjack whispered, "I _knew_ he was acting fishy lately…maybe he's running a Daycare…"

"What if he quits the Fearsome Five!" Megavolt asked in a panic, "We can't go on by ourselves! I'll be out of job! How will I pay the bills! The wife and kids will all starve and have to live out in the streets in nothing but dirty rags and fight the cats for moldy bread crusts from the dumpsters – "

Quackerjack clamped his friend's mouth shut and said hurriedly, "Be quiet Megavolt! You don't even have a wife and kids. Now shush, or Negaduck'll hear us!"

The two villains jumped at the sound of a loud snore behind them. Bushroot was curled up in the surface roots of a nearby tree, sleeping soundly.

"That weed, he's asleep!" Quackerjack snapped.

"Dissention in the ranks!" Megavolt added.

Bushroot's sleeping face contorted with discomfort and he began grunting and whimpering softly.

"Hee hee, wittle Bushwoot's having bad dweam," Megavolt taunted in a babyish tone.

Quackerjack crept towards Bushroot and suggested with a nasty grin, "What's say we give him a wake up call to the tune of a Wet Willy?"

The jester's finger was no more than an inch from Bushroot's ear when the plant-duck's eyes opened suddenly, revealing two dull and unfocused orbs of blue. In a flash he clasped his leafy hand around Quackerjack's feathered one.

"And just what was it you were planning on doing, clown?" Bushroot asked in a deep, accented voice.

"I was just simply going to…oh no! NOT AGAIN!" Quackerjack cried, trying desperately to tug his hand free, "Lemme go lemme go lemme go!"

Bushroot smiled evilly and cooed, "I don't think so – ARGH!"

The plant-duck's body surged with electricity. Quackerjack ripped his hand free and turned to Megavolt, whose fingers were still sparking from the attack.

"Quick! Behind that tree!" Quackerjack commanded, and the two leapt behind a large maple.

"We're hiding behind a tree? Isn't that a little, I dunno, obvious?" Megavolt questioned.

"Don't you ever watch cartoons Megs? During any great chase scene all the victims have to do is cower behind a tree, bush, or any other form of vegetation and poof! They're invisible to the naked eye!"

Bushroot suddenly jumped in front of them.

"Nice try – not!" the voice inside him growled.

"RUN SPARKY!"

"_Don't call me – _DAAAHHH!"

Bushroot lunged. Megavolt and Quackerjack dove out of his path and scrambled in place before finally gaining enough traction to sprint away. Their panic was only intensified by the sound of their teammate crashing through the plant life behind them.

"Vegetable gone mad! Vegetable gone mad!" Mr. Banana Brain shouted.

Megavolt clasped his hands together, shut his eyes, and prayed while running, "Dear Edison, if you can hear me now, please send down a mighty thunderbolt and smite thee wicked Bushroot, lest we witness the untimely ripping off of my head – "

Quackerjack interrupted, "Oh c'mon Megavolt, you have to admit it's a wee bit exhilarating – AAAHH HERE HE COMES!"

Meanwhile, Negaduck and Nega-Gosalyn conversed quietly, oblivious to the chaos going on a few yards behind them.

"So, how's the ol' Negaverse looking?" the yellow clad mallard asked.

Nega-Gosalyn gushed, "Oh, absolutely magnificent! Well, by the Friendly Four's standards, anyway…we have what Megavolt calls 'a primitive form of law enforcement,' the air is now breathable, the water doesn't carry the plague anymore, and thanks to Bushroot there's flowers _everywhere_…um, Negaduck, is something wrong with your hat?"

Negaduck looked down at his wrinkled hat which he had been subconsciously mangling.

"Uh, nope, just checking to see if it needed to be re-blocked," he lied smoothly, "Anywho, speaking of the Friendly Four, just how are the magical little _darlings_?"

"They're great! Just last month Quackerjack had his toy soldiers lock up the last of the nuclear weapons!"

"_Stupid clown_ – er, I mean, good for him!" Negaduck asserted with false cheer.

Nega-Gosalyn smiled and stared up at the stars as she swung freely. Negaduck remained still on his swing, staring at his feet. When she wasn't hugging him or babbling endlessly about the Friendly Four, Nega-Gosalyn really wasn't all that bad…

Negaduck blinked. Did he just think that? Did he honestly not mind her company? He found it hard to stomach the startling revelation. No, it couldn't be. There was no way he could possibly be fond of the Darkwing-loving, pink dress-wearing little brat…but still…her presence was a welcome contrast to the Fearsome Four. Besides, it was nice to have someone who practically worshipped the ground he walked on, even if that ground was composed of nothing but lies.

* * *

"He's gaining on us!" Megavolt cried in a panicked voice.

"He's not gaining on us, he's _growing_ on us!" Quackerjack replied.

Indeed, Bushroot had grown his legs out into long, dangly vines, allowing him to cover twice as much ground in half the time.

"Your time is up boys…" he snarled, towering above them.

"Oh, I can see the headlines now," Megavolt wailed, "Supervillains brutally murdered by botanist turned mutant turned assassin, Reginald Bushroot – "

"Huh?" Bushroot blurted in his own voice as his eyes returned to normal.

Unaware that he was running on unusually long limbs, Bushroot tripped dramatically and toppled onto Quackerjack and Megavolt. The three villains became ensnared in Bushroot's rope-like legs. Their momentum carried them forward so they rolled together like a large, unstoppable beach ball through the park.

"Make it stop make it stop!" Bushroot moaned as they tumbled.

"I'm gonna be sick!" Megavolt added.

"Wheeeeee!" Quackerjack finished.

Negaduck and Nega-Gosalyn watched dumbstruck as Bushroot, Megavolt and Quackerjack burst into the clearing and landed at their feet a big, groaning heap. Megavolt noted that he might as well be throwing up a hippopotamus judging from the look Negaduck was giving him.

"Hiya boss! Lovely evening, isn't it?" the rat tried conversationally.

"What the…_what are you guys doing?_" Negaduck asked bewilderedly as he watched the three villains trying ineffectively to untangle themselves.

"We were just taking a stroll through the park – "

"And then Bushbrain here attacked us – "

"No I didn't – "

"Went crazy on us – "

"Talking in this creepy voice – "

"Called me a clown – "

Negaduck shook his head and cut in, "Just shut up. I don't think I really want to know."

* * *

"Okay Dark, only one more line to go…" Morgana said in a sort of exhausted excitement.

Darkwing Duck nodded, shuffling through the mass of papers. They had been translating the text late into the night. Launchpad had long since left to check on Gosalyn and attempt to make her dinner. Darkwing and Morgana worked together diligently, loosely translating the Transylvanian into a form of broken English, both determined to uncover the ancient secrets.

"Okay, I'll try and make sense out of what we've gotten so far," Darkwing said, relaxing into the throne he had crafted from the plethora of books, "because this has got to be the weirdest curse I've ever read. Anyway, the first part says:

'_When the mirrored ancestors assume the generation_

_And black and white meet by otherworldly means._'

"What a dumb curse, it doesn't even rhyme. Nevertheless, my correspondence course in code breaking tells me that you and your dad must be these ancestors, judging by your mirrored names."

"Yes, makes sense," Morgana replied, "and the next line?"

"Maybe…we throw together…two cans of black and white paint…in outer space? I don't know!" Darkwing shouted, "Next line!"

'_The Eyes will curse, bless, and break_'

The mallard continued, "That must be the Devil's Eye, but _Eye_ in the singular form, not _Eyes._ This thing doesn't make any sense! Look at the next lines:

'_Death will wipe clean the family's sins_

_And the beast triumphs with the sacrifice saw dust_'

"It's like it's _still_ written in another language! It's saying your family's going to all kick the bucket after a beast bumps off a sacrifice who sees dust!" Darkwing exclaimed.

"Quite the lovely curse we have here, isn't it?" Morgana questioned sarcastically.

"Hey, there might be some hope Morg! Look at this next line, it has an 'unless' in it:

'_Unless black and white mix to form gray_

_Find the entrance with the palindrome of yawnaiva_'

Darkwing thought aloud, "Well, maybe we mix cans of paint…nevermind. And what the heck is yawnaiva!"

"Dark, couldn't it be one of those backward names?" Morgana suggested.

"Hey, I've got it! Maybe it's one of those backward names!" Darkwing blurted thoughtlessly, "Let's see, backwards it's…avianway…Avian Way! That's where I live! Let's see if the next part has any more clues – "

'_Mirrors must meet and absolve the dark fears of dreams_'

Darkwing shook his head.

"Not ringing any bells. What's the last line say?"

Morgana scratched the last few words and read it back to herself. A frown worked its way onto her face, and she sank back into her chair, staring at the paper.

"What? What is it? C'mon, it can't be any worse than seeing my dry cleaning bill," Darkwing said with a chuckle.

She met his curious eyes for an instant before turning away, unable to hold his gaze. She wished desperately that she could just usher Darkwing out of the house, wipe his memory clean, and never have him worry about anything ever again. But it was too late now.

The crime fighter felt his insides begin to writhe when Morgana gave him a numb nod. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Morg, what is it? What's the matter?"

"It has to do with Anagrom," she whispered hoarsely, and shoved the paper into his hands.

"Which is you Morgana, we've established that," Darkwing said with a tinge of unease.

He cast her a troubled look before reading aloud, "Whether curse remains or curse lifts, Anagrom…_will die._"


End file.
